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Few people believe that competitiveness among kids should be promoted, while others feel that youngsters should coordinate with each other to become a successful person. It is agreed that collaboration is more important which creates positivity among children. This essay firstly discuss about(discusses the) benefits of collaboration, followed by the impact due to(of) competition and finally the conclusion.
Collaboration among students creates an optimized environment because they can get a lot of ideas from each other. Co-operating with each other makes it easier for them to learn new things quickly. For example, if a child knows only few things about a particular topic, they can easily learn a few more things from their peers. Teamwork completes a task faster and gives the best output.
Competition contributes more to the self improvement of the individual and increases negativity in the younger generation. Here, people with more confidence are able to move faster than people with low self esteem. Competitiveness leads to fear, stress, anxiety and communication gap among children. In this kind of environment, they won’t be able to expand their network.
In conclusion, collaboration is far better than competition. It is recommended to encourage collaboration among children in order to have a useful and growing career.
Feedback:
Words in Bold and in brackets are corrections.
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Essay does not match the word limit. Your word limit is 205.
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Grammatical errors. Do not use The with ‘people’.
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Need to work on Grammatical range and use more connectors
Band Score – 2.5 / 6
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