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  • isha

    Administrator
    April 25, 2022 at 7:15 PM
    520 Network Points
    Activity Points 6050

    There are people who believe growing children should have a sense of competition. Others believe teaching children cooperation is more important as it allows them to function well in their lives. In my opinion, I believe children should focus on cooperation so that they can serve society. In this essay, I will provide both the view points and a logical conclusion.

    People place emphasis on competition because they see it as a source of upgradation of knowledge and growth. When an individual is competing against another person, they work on their weaknesses and analyse the strengths of the competitor. For instance, in competition, people develop skills that they couldn’t develop when they had no competition.

    However, other views suggest that cooperation is key to peace of mind and self-awareness. When a child learns to work in a team, all of them grow together. Also, there is no mental stress. For example, studies have shown those who are working with people are emotionally intelligent and it contributes to the overall development of society.

    In conclusion, people keep on working in competition, whereas those who cooperate lead a more peaceful life. However, mental health should be top priority and the same should be taught to children so that they lead healthy lives.

    Feedback:

    -Words in Bold and in brackets are corrections.

    -Incorrehent ideas

    -Need to work on synonyms and other vocab words .

    -Essay does not match the word limit. Your word limit is 205.

    – Grammatical errors like capital and small letters.

    Band score – 2.5/6

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