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in (on/at) our personal level – make right use of preposition
in the workplace the (there are) changes
portary (portray)
not only merits , demerits but conclusion/opinion also
there is no need to use “for instance” in introduction
defoliated may be not right word to use
when any person is newly appointed, they have (he has)
try to avoid the usage of “we” ,”I” until and unless they are asking your opinion
there is need of one concession statement in B.P 2 , to state your opinion
I believe effective proof reading is required as at times sentences lack helping verbs or so.
Keep writing !!
