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Advantages – Globalization
The difference between countries is becoming less and less evident as people all over the world wear the same fashions, watch the same TV channels, use the same brands, and have similar eating habits.
Do you think that the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?
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8 Replies
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It is becoming less evident to distinguish a country from another with increasing globalisation. People around the world prefer a similar kind of taste when it comes to clothing, television, brand choice and diet. This essay will elaborate on how the advantages of this trend surpasses the disadvantages.
Globally, we are so interconnected that understanding and accepting the universal language is the new way to be. To second that, the world is unified now than ever before, due to many countries welcoming different cultures and traditions with open hearts. People prefer to get ahead of the trend so much that they buy the clothes which a famous brand endorses worldwide. Additionally, there is a global platform for mostly every industry one can think of. For instance, Netflix for entertainment, Amazon for shopping and McDonalds for food.
On the contrary, people who would like to hold onto their cultural beliefs and values find this mixing of cultures very disheartening. By adapting to a very similar kind of lifestyle, mankind is walking towards a more modernised future where everyone would be expected to simply blend in. Adults feel embarrassed to use their hands for eating a regional dish like biryani, they give in to peer pressure and start using fork. For example, English is a universal language and a person who cannot speak it would not be able to survive in many countries.
To conclude, the world is becoming more and more globalized as people adapt to new trends really quickly. As a result, it has become tough to retain our traditional belief systems. However, the presence of diversity and multiculturalism speaks volumes in favour of the unity around the world.
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* ‘how the advantages of this trend surpasses’ ( ‘surpass’ plural verb since its subject ‘advantages’ is plural)
* ‘a famous brand endorses’ (Unless you are speaking about one particular brand, it would be better to use ‘famous brands’)
* The second body paragraph has a clear focus and presents a relevant idea. The first paragraph was a bit vague. I assume that it was talking about advantages. However, it does not clearly elaborate how those things are advantages. Please ask me to elaborate this in the class if this is not clear to you.
Score : 4.5/6
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It is becoming more difficult in modern era to tell the difference between different countries as people wear same
fashioned clothes, watch the same tv channels, use the same brands, have similar kind of food eating habits. This
essay will argue that advantages of globalization outweighs the disadvantages.As the world is more connected than ever before, humans try to follow the hottest trend across the globe. This kind of trend following is leading to modernization across different countries. Humans have been taught to choose the best option possible in a certain situation then why not choose from across the globe than to choose from their own country. People take inspiration from different kind of leaders across the world. They wear the same brands of clothes because they are the best options available in the brands category in the whole world. For example, If I have to choose between wearing a Nike shirt or some localized brand shirt which comes with the same price tag, I would obviously go for Nike. Following same kind of eating habit is not a problem as long as it is the best eating habit there is.
Globalization has negative impact in certain aspects. It leads to comparison between different races which leads to anxiety among people. Children wanting to buy expensive branded things because their friends are doing so which leads to fight with their parents. Watching adult content which is common in foreign tv series can leave permanent effect on child’s brain.
On a whole, Globalizations positive impact weighs much more than its negative impact. It is needed for the whole world to be a better place. It is beneficial for the whole world to have a choice from the best there exists.
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* ‘the modern era’
* ‘same
fashioned clothes’ might not be correct. Please check.
*’ and have similar kind of food eating habits’. Since it was a series, the last item should have used an ‘and’
* ‘advantages of globalization outweighs’ (outweigh)*’Children wanting to buy expensive branded things’ ‘The participle (-ing strucutre) was used incorrectly here. This is probably not incorrect —> ‘children wanting to buy expensive things is a huge challenge’, but in your sentence, the connection between the clauses is ‘faulty’ . ‘Children wanting to buy expensive branded things because their friends are doing so which leads to fight’,
* There is a point I want to make about task achievement. However, it would just take too much time to write. I will elaborate this in the class. Please remind me if I forget.
Score: 4.25/ 6
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* (its vs it’s ) <– look this up. You used ‘it’s’ in two places where it should have been ‘its’. This would increase the total number of errors.
* A few problems with articles. ‘in lifestyle of citizens’ (in the lifestyle/lifestyles of )
* ‘ the world tourism’ <– we don’t need ‘the’ here.
* ‘drawbacks …. outweights’ (it should be ‘outweigh’ since ‘drawbacks’ is plural)
* Make sure you write the letters i,e,t etc. clearly.
* ‘detrimental’ was misspelled
* Usually, we say ‘advantages/disadvantages of something’ and not ‘ disadvantages for’* ‘homogeneity among different cultures discourages ‘ Since we are discussing this issue in a ‘theoretical’ way, this sentence would look better with ‘would’ —> ‘homogeneity among different cultures would discourage’
* ‘result in forgetting their ‘ (I believe it should be ‘result in them forgetting their’, but I need to think about it a bit more.
4.75/6
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These days, it is become tough to differentiate between countries because people all over the world adopt the same culture regarding fashion, watch similar kinds of TV programs, having the same taste of brand and food. This essay will argue that the advantages of this outweigh the drawbacks.
Owing to acquiring global trend by people of many countries like same eating habits, brand for wear and similar choice of TV channels, benefited to the people in various ways. Firstly, if people go for higher studies or immigration, then they will settle easily over there because they already adopted the culture of the foreign country. Secondly, they would not feel inferior as they land abroad because they already have some idea about the culture of that country. For example, nowadays many people from India move into another country for different purposes, but they do not face any kind of problem because in India most people follow western culture in their daily lives.
On the other hand, people who oppose this say that children are forgetting their roots and lineage when they follow global fashions. This statement is not true because the ancestry of any person cannot be changed even if he living in another country. Indian people who live abroad follow usually follow the same customs as they would pursue in India.
To conclude, adoption of International standards is in various aspects help people to settle in foreign countries without any problems and inferiority, and values can be given by parents in foreign countries as well.-
* I assume that the lack of paragraphing is a formatting error.
* ‘ it is become tough’ (It has become tough…)
* ‘people all over the world adopt the same culture regarding fashion, watch similar kinds of TV programs, having the same taste of brand and food.’(have similar tastes when it comes to brands and food choices)
* ‘Owing to acquiring global trend by people of many countries like same eating habits, brand for wear and similar choice of TV channels, benefited to the people in various ways’* The first clause starting with ‘owing to’ and the second one starting with ‘benefited’ cannot be connected in this way. It’s really confusing.
* ‘even if he living in another country’ (even if he is living… [‘even if he lives’ is better])
Score: 3.75/6
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