IELTS Essay Writing (problem in many countries)Posted by Admin on July 26, 2021 at 6:32 PM
Obesity is a serious problem in many countries, especially in rich countries.
Discuss ways to solve the problem.
Provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Use Cohesive Devices:
• In addition, moreover
• Further / furthermore
• In conclusion
• To summarise
• As a result
• As a consequence (of)
• Due to
• On the other hand
• On the contrary • Generally
• In fact
• Particularly / in particular
• Although / even though
• In contrast (to) / in comparison
• WhereasSaad replied 1 year, 7 months ago 14 Members · 26 Replies
HarithaMemberJuly 29, 2021 at 7:14 PM
Undoubtedly, Obesity is a major issue experiencing by a myriad number of people throughout the globe. Unfortunately, wealthy countries are pre-eminent. This essay will certainly analyze and the issue and figure out viable solutions.
To commence with, The main considerable reason for obesity is having unhealthy food habits and unsurprisingly fast food is incredibly popular in developed countries. Moreover, the consumers are always hands-on in making money and they are not fascinated with healthy food. In addition to this, a sedentary lifestyle is a massive cause behind this issue and those immeasurable passive working hours make people inactive and leads to overweight. Indeed, Obesity surges many health issues such as spine correction, Diabetes, thyroid, and hypertension. Essentially, If someone is oversized and shapeless can be deprived of self-confidence, which tends to mental health issues.
There are many possible ways to overcome this problem, predominantly developed countries people could combat it more effectively. Firstly, public awareness is a significant factor and uncountable gyms are available with required amenities though need to advertise properly. Mankind should make few amendments in one’s daily routine, for example, eliminating junk food, taking small walks instead of car to nearby places, and working out and making fitness goals are the foremost practices to overcome this obstacle.
To conclude, although obesity is a serious issue in developed countries. However, It is not an irresolvable problem, taking relevant measures can solve this issue.
SaadMemberJuly 31, 2021 at 2:15 PM
Haritha, don’t use capitalisation after punctuations. Your writing is conclusive and it contains most of the points, although a more conceptual clarity would entail better results. It’d better if you give more concise points. In the third paragraph, you need to work on the syntax and cohesiveness of the text and in the second paragraph, make use of better adjectives rather than ‘unsurprisingly’, etc.
rahulMemberJuly 29, 2021 at 7:18 PM
Obesity is a growing concern in many countries, especially in nations with the established economies. This essay is going to put light on this same problem and provide a logical solution to it.
In recent times countries with an economic boom have started seeing common health concerns, which include obesity as well. The main reason for that is the quick availability of fast food and a sedentary lifestyle. For Instance, nowadays, companies like dominos/MacDonald’s can be easily found within a 500-meter radius of every city, promoting its consumption in youth. As we know, these pre-prepared foods contain a high amount of sodium and excessive fat, which promotes obesity in the body. The other aspect would be a sedentary lifestyle due to a high workload; hence, one does not burn enough calories compared to the calories he consumes.
The practical solution to such problems is always promoting awareness in youth rather than enforcing any solution to them . The government should promote healthy living by organizing health events and opening more food centers that provide quality organic food. In contrast, MNC’s should also adapt their work culture to provide multiple breaks so that employees can avoid sitting for long hours and increases their activity level.
In conclusion, Fighting obesity is not a one-day task but can be achieved over a period of time with some constant lifestyle changes, and hence we can avoid diseases such as diabetes and high blood pressure, which comes along with it.
SaadMemberJuly 31, 2021 at 2:21 PM
Rahul, you need to think of a better beginning towards the essay and if you’re quoting famous food-chains, make sure to always use capitalisation and use the correct spellings, if you do not know the correct, its better to use something more generalised. A coherence is not adjusted between paragraph three and conclusion.
shakshiMemberJuly 29, 2021 at 7:18 PM
In the fastest growing economy people are running to fetch their goals and utilizing the technology in the most effective way due to this it has increased the ratio of unhealthy lifestyle. People are not spending time toward themselves, hence increases the problem of anxiety, stress, overweight, joint pain, and cardiovascular diseases.
Nowadays, obesity is one of the biggest epidemic disease in rich countries which has led tremendously health problem among people due to which they are undergoing for medical treatment. According to the reports, around 70% individuals are facing overweight disorder by overeating or long sitting hours work which has encouraged an inactive lifestyle globally. Majority of people are addicted to comfortable lifestyle such as excessive usage of cars for short travel whereas it has impacted their daily lifestyle.
In order to overcome this problem, few initiatives have been taken by private fitness organisation to revolutionize the fitness industry, in fact the approached has generated a good source of income for new ventures. However, countries like Australia, Europe, USA and presently India are adopting the fitness change and implement in their society to broaden the mindset of individuals. Furthermore, in my opinion people can also move forward and avoid using cars for short duration and shift themselves toward walking or cycling. Undoubtedly, this method will help them to start a holistic life.
To summarise, it is important to follow an active lifestyle by bringing change in our daily habit, thus will support to overcome the problem of overweight.
SaadMemberJuly 31, 2021 at 2:24 PM
Sakshi, a lot of repetition is found in paragraph 2, and also if you’re quoting statistical data, you need to mention the source also, it makes the writing more impactful. And also work on your punctuations, there are some misuses to be found.
SaadMemberJuly 31, 2021 at 3:01 PM
Although providing a statistical example is not necessary at all. Avoid using particular examples and statements. Use more generalised statements.
ShyamMemberJuly 29, 2021 at 7:21 PM
Many countries are facing numerous health problem, but obesity is main, which is mother of all diseases. In ancient times food was in scarcity, so obesity was associated with affluence. Now, in modern times, it is connected with lower socioeconomic status all over the world. There are many reasons for that, but the most valid one is processed foods, which are cheaper are not the healthy foods, nevertheless, it is incredibly popular. I shall suggest few ways in which the obesity epidemic can be mitigate.
To start with, fast foods are beloved by all age group people in rich and poor countries, especially in developed countries it has huge popularities because high levels of development and more pay scale. People in these nations have preference of burger, french fries, soft drinks, pizza, hotdog and many others as well in all time meals, as these foods are ready to cook and eat.
Despite of obesity issues, there are number of ways these countries can fight it more effectively. On the one hand, they can promote healthy foods like pulses, vegetables and fruits beside of junk food. In addition of this, they can increase tax and other charges of unhealthy snacks with lowering rates of healthy foods.
Secondly, it can be managed with dietary education in school, collage and other institutes with merits and demerits
ShyamMemberJuly 30, 2021 at 10:50 AM
Many countries are facing numerous health problems, since obesity is main, which is mother of all diseases. In ancient times food was in scarcity, so obesity was associated with affluent. Now, in modern times, it is connected with lower socioeconomic status all over the world. There are many reasons for that, but the most valid one is processed foods, which are cheaper are not the healthy foods, nevertheless, they are incredibly popular. I shall suggest few ways in which the obesity epidemic can be mitigate.
To start with, fast foods are beloved by all age group people in rich and poor countries, especially in developed countries they have huge popularity since high levels of development. People in these nations have preference of burger, french fries, soft drinks, pizza, hotdog in all time meals, because of hectic lifestyle, moreover these foods are ready to cook and eat.
Despite obesity issues, there are number of ways these countries can fight more effectively. On the one hand, they can promote healthy foods like pulses, vegetables and fruits beside of junk food. In addition of this, they can impose higher taxes and other charges on unhealthy snacks with lowering price of healthy foods, although it can be supervise easily with less effort, still people are not controlling.
Secondly, it can be managed with dietary education in school, college and other institutes teaching merits and demerits, additionally by organizing seminars with lucid presentation. Other than this, government can take help from well-known personalities to promote healthy diet, yoga, walk and meditation, which will give sudden effect on their follower’s mind.
In conclusion, it is clearly visible “health is wealth”, still people are rushing toward money in spite of health, thus this lifestyle adversely affecting them.
SaadMemberJuly 31, 2021 at 2:28 PM
In the introductory paragraph, the syntax, grammar and punctuations are wrong, you shouldn’t use sentences like “since obesity is main”, etc. Overall, work on your punctuation errors and also recognise the syntax of your essay by reading it thoroughly.
hardeepMemberJuly 29, 2021 at 7:28 PM
In today’s world, in spite of having large number of sports facilities, inactive lifestyle is becoming more common. This essay will discuss major issues being created by sedentary lifestyle and will suggest relevant solutions.
There are several health problems that are created by sedentary living however obesity and joint pain are most common. Many medical articles reveal that sitting for long hours and not doing any physical activity makes us overweight because body ceases to perform all fat burning activities. Additionally, as our body is handling extra weight, joint paint gets developed over a period of time. For example, it has been published in medical research paper (in USA) that more than 60 percent people performing only sitting jobs were obese out of which 80 percent had developed joint paint at sometime in their lifespan.
Possible solutions are extremely simple and effective; they are indulging in physical activities and making lifestyle changes. People need to get themselves involved in physical activities like running, playing outdoor games, etc which will not only burn body fat but will also increase metabolism. Moreover few lifestyle changes needs to be adopted while performing office jobs like not sitting for long hours and walking in-between, using stairs and avoiding lift, etc. These life style changes were implemented in Google and after six months it was noticed that there was reduction of 10 percent in obese people.
In conclusion, living a sedentary life in known to cause many health problems, Obesity and joint paint being most common, however simple changes in lifestyle and getting yourself involved in physical activity is the most effective way forward to avoid such health issues.
Being overweight is a grave issue in lot of counties, more so in economically sound ones. This essay will suggest few remedial solutions to resolve above problem by working on its root cause.
It’s a well known fact that sedentary lifestyle is making people obese because due to inactivity, our body is not able of burn sufficient calories, which later gets deposited inside as fat. This phenomenon has been noticed more in richer countries where people mostly own and use gadget to perform day to day activities like automatic lawn mower, vacuum cleaners, dishwashers, etc. Undoubtedly it’s increasing our comfort level but at the same time it’s also making us overweight. Since people living in richer countries are well off to afford such gadgets so, it has been noticed that percentage of obese people is comparatively higher in such countries.
Talking about possible solutions, it’s obvious that changing lifestyle to increase physical activity is the only way out to deal with this problem whether we motivate and make people perform some exercise like walking, cycling, etc or we make it mandatory for all to indulge in some sports activity. It has been notices that in organizations where people are made to play outdoor game, better fitness levels have been achieved.
To conclude, its a matter of fact that inactivity has lead to increase of obesity in many countries, majorly in richer counties. Possible solution is to change lifestyle and motivate people to indulge in physical activities.
SaadMemberJuly 31, 2021 at 2:33 PM
The essay covers all the prevalent ideas that were represented. Just one thing, when you quote a research article you should never use “for example”. I noticed that you have addressed the two parts separately, if that can be combined it would made for better referral.
GMemberJuly 30, 2021 at 9:06 AM
Nowadays obesity is serious issue faced by many people living in rich countries. This essay I will be discussing about the main problems associated with the obesity and some solutions to avoid and recover from them.
The main problems caused by obesity are overweight,risk of heart disease,high blood pressure. A growing number of obesity researcher shows that sitting long periods in one place,food and genetics, Which leads to overweight and obesity. This is because people sit in one place and do not move for hours and in addition they eat constantly. Moreover, a lot of studies have also named it as ‘sitting disease’ which often results overweight and backbone problems. For example, it is proven that 85% people working in cooperate companies are majorly suffering from obesity and backbone problems.
In my opinion, the best solutions to this problem is by doing exercises and eating healthy food. Firstly, million of people tend to do physical activities in an easier manner which leads to obesity. Therefore, exercising is an effective was to make people more active, which make their body move frequently. Exercises include walking, jogging, and many more which helps the body recover form the obesity. Moreover, Eating outside foods increase the obesity and health issues. In addition, most of the people exercise daily but eat outside foods which effect their health. So by eating healthy foods everyday, which are home made and eating more vegetables, fruits and nuts helps the body to get more nutrition and healthy.
In conclusion, leading a healthy life and taking care of ourselves is most important and refuse the risk of getting health problems, including obesity and backbone problems. The most effective solution is to exercise daily and eat healthy food.
SaadMemberJuly 31, 2021 at 2:36 PM
Work on your grammar and towards making relevance between all the three paragraphs. You should work on generating better ideas and including them in your essays.
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SaadMemberJuly 31, 2021 at 2:39 PM
The essay is concise and the choice of words have developed a coherence all throughout.
SurajMemberJuly 30, 2021 at 9:30 AM
As people around the globe got richer, they also got fatter making obesity one of the major world issues. The financial ability to eat sweets and junk food without a concern for money brought about serious consequences to health. This essay will discuss feasible ways to overcome this problem.
The main reasons for people putting on weight is that they do not keep check on what they eat and lack of physical activity. As it provided ample energy, food with high amounts of sugar and fat was a luxury human ancestors who were living in the wild craved for and we inherited this craving. This food did not cause any issues to our ancestors as they rarely had the chance to eat them which is not the case for the current generation. For instance, 60% of USA’s population suffer from obesity.
Some ways we can solve the problem is making people aware of the consequences of bad diet and encouraging them to exercise regularly. The governments have to provide proper guidelines on how much a certain type of food one can consume per day. Charity marathons is one way to encourage physical activity. For example, marathon organizers can get their funding from the government and donate a dollar for each kilometer one runs, thereby encouraging donations and a healthy lifestyle.
To conclude, obesity is a problem caused due to lack of awareness and can be solved if the governments encourage a healthy lifestyle by providing proper guidelines for diet and sport. A lot of information on proper diet is available online and each of us should take necessary steps to better our health.
SaadMemberJuly 31, 2021 at 2:41 PM
Work on your introduction and the syntax of the essay. You should make it more clear and work on the use of adjectives.
SakshiMemberJuly 30, 2021 at 9:35 AM
Obesity is a one of the utmost cause of concern in today’s world .This leading tendency is caused by several factors such as ingestion of huge proportion of fast foods, and people are enjoying sedentary life style. This essay will discuss the causes of obesity and offer some solutions.
First and foremost cause of obesity is junk foods. It is often seen that people are fond of burgers, pizzas, noodles and coca as these types of foods are easily available to them. Moreover, in this modern era, Moreover, people in the developed countries are more emphasized on work than others. They sit and work the whole day with the computer and take the much junk food for time saving. And, this calorie-rich diet makes them obese. The other aspect would be sedentary life style as they like to spend more time in front of computers. For instance, its been proven that a huge number of population is facing obesity across the world because of inactive lifestyle. This technological advancement has reduced the level of physical activity in the specific age group.
To overcome and release this health problem, the best way is the taking the regular physical exercise and having the diet foods. Taking exercise such as walking, running and physical exercise is the fittest economy activity for healthy. Everybody should take it about 15 munities for a day especially in the morning. Another way for healthy life is to have the diet food.
To sum up, it is clear that main causes of obesity are unhealthy eating and not enough physical activities. This ailment can be prevented and treated by healthy eating habits and physical exercises..
SaadMemberJuly 31, 2021 at 2:43 PM
Make paragraph 2 incline more towards the impact of junk food, rather than mentioning the types of junk foods and there is also repetition, use ‘moreover’ or other cohesive devices not more than once in the same sentence/ line.
VigneshMemberJuly 30, 2021 at 9:42 AM
The advancement in science and technology has made people lead a much more sophisticated and comfortable life. However, it has adversely provided the stimuli for people to lead a sedentary life without concerns about their health. It has created a serious health issue of obesity amongst the masses, especially in developed countries. This essay will analyze the issue and provide a feasible solution.
The major causes of obesity are over-reliance on technology and having unhealthy food habits. In developed economies, technological advancements are exposed to people much earlier compared to those in developing countries, which in some way or other is attributed to their stationary lifestyle. Moreover, after the advent of e-commerce firms, people are now even reluctant to get out of their homes as everything can be ordered online and delivered to their doorstep. Nowadays in every major city, there is a fast-food restaurant every 500 meters serving loads of junk food, which when consumed regularly by an innate city dweller would only Fastracks his way towards obesity.
One viable solution to overcome this muddle is that the government should initiate a campaign and create awareness amongst people to lead a healthy lifestyle. If people are educated about the causes of obesity, it would propel them in taking steps towards leading a healthy life. Furthermore, providing affordable memberships in gyms and other sporting facilities would create wonders in the long run. Companies should invest in creating fitness centers and provide healthy food to their employees. For Instance, workers with long working hours can be made to break intermittently to indulge in fitness activities, thus breaking their sedentary time in front of a computer screen.
To summarize, obesity is mainly caused due to inactive lifestyle which is a result of over-reliance on technology. Hence people should invest more time and money to remain healthy and governments should also guide them by educating them on the ill effects of obesity.
SaadMemberJuly 31, 2021 at 2:46 PM
The essay touches on all aspects of the question asked, however, in paragraph 2 there is lack of relativeness and the ending of the same is filled with big words but the syntax/ meaning is not very clear.
DiptiMemberJuly 30, 2021 at 10:11 AM
Now a days, the countries which are technology driven generally suffer from the problem of obesity. This essay will draw your attention to the problems associated with this notion and suggest some solutions to curb this situation.
The substantial reason of obesity is elevation of artificial intelligence & robotics technologies in the developed countries around the globe. These technologies have been developed to decline the significant amount of manual work at the workplace, as most of the repetitive & subtle work which was performed by the humans earlier, now performed by robots or automation. It’s been noticed recently, that the people suffering from obesity problems has been increased in the developed countries rather than developing countries due to rise of colossus technologies.
In my opinion, the rational solution to this problem is to increase the numbers of jobs which should be human driven & curtail more physical strength rather than obsoleting manual jobs & replacing it by machines. After observing the increase of sedentary lifestyle, most of the organizations in the developed countries have changed their working culture and mindset and stopped automating their all processes & start promoting physical work and activities at their workplace to make employees more active, mobile & free from diseases.
In the conclusion, due to the increase of technologies, people become more vulnerable to the disease of obesity. However, in order to overcome this problem, the most effective solution is to stop vanishing manual jobs in the market which are physically demanding.
SaadMemberJuly 31, 2021 at 2:53 PM
‘Nowadays’ is one word.
Mostly in english language essays, avoid using ‘&’ or any other shortcuts for a word. The coherence between paragraph 2 and 3 is good and is well-structured.
Work more on the conclusion and the choice of your words.
SumitaMemberJuly 30, 2021 at 12:29 PM
Despite having large numbers of physical activity avenues and facilities, obesity has become one the leading lifestyle problem of contemporary world, especially in developed and affluent nations. This essay will discuss about causes of obesity and some of the solutions to tackle this issue.
One of the main reason for growing obesity these days is sedentary lifestyle which in turn leads to many lifestyle diseases.
Nowadays mostly people have desk jobs, so they have around 10-12 hours of sitting everyday. This inactive lifestyle along with lack of physical workout makes them gain weight and become obese. That’s why lifestyle diseases such as diabetes, spine disorders like cervical, slip disc etc. are becoming more common these days even in youngsters. This must concern us as a nation, what kind of younger generation are we raising? – unhealthy and obese one. Even my daily routine involves around 12-13 hours of sitting work due to my corporate job, one practice class etc. so I also started having back ache problem.
In my opinion, one of best solution to tackle this problem is to involve some form of physical activity in our lifestyle. Additionally, changing our dietary choices can be equally effective way to tackle weight gain problem.
Today we have many choices available to become physically active , like Yoga, Zumba, Dance classes, gyms etc,. one can always start their morning with any of these activity or involve walking or cycling in their daily routines. Apart from that, Changing our food habits can be another best possible solution to reduce obesity, people must avoid sugary foods, drinks, junk food options and replace them with healthier alternatives like fruits, salads, protein based diets etc. Today lot of weight management programs stresses on importance of balanced diet and wants people to include more plant based food and avoid processed foods.
In conclusion, obesity has become concerning issue worldwide due to sedentary lifestyle of people and becoming physically active and eating healthy diets can be some of solutions to deal with this issue.
SaadMemberJuly 31, 2021 at 2:48 PM
Giving a personal example is high relativeness but you should use better devices to represent it, for eg- ‘Personally’, ‘In my opinion’, etc. Otherwise the essay is concise and touches upon almost all aspects of the aforementioned subject.