Task 2 : (discuss both views- Art )Posted by Falak on September 14, 2021 at 12:20 AM
Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
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in the forthcoming paragraph(s)
extra-academic subjects is (are)
and reach to saturation level ( become unreceptive to new learnings)
foster ( incorrect usage) ; foster means to encourage
they can foster ( grasp)
from studying majors/specializations (choose either )
To elaborate, (this means that (redundant))
salary packages and abroad opportunities, since the success rate is comparatively low in creative skills
Feedback : be careful with ” subject-verb” agreement
Band : 3.5/6
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Feedback : Thesis statement could be more effective. Make use of punctuations after connectors (on one hand, on the other hand,)
This is were (where) art is an
career on (in)
No examples found
Avoid usage of personal pronouns in general statement
Use range of sentence structures
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Art and crafts are commonly perceived as vital subjects for children to pursue in school. However, naysayers feel these subjects have little utility within our educational curriculum. The essay discusses these contrasting positions, followed by a logical conclusion.
Supporters believe that having a compulsory art class in school helps children in developing their creative instincts. Not every child is equally accomplished at academics and pursuing art helps to restore balance by enabling children with different interests to develop their requisite skill sets. This also helps shape the career trajectory of those students who wish to pursue a career in art. Moreover, having regular art classes provides an important outlet for children to let off steam within the highly competitive and stressful academic arena. It allows them to pursue a subject without the burden of having to devour a huge number of chapters in order to succeed.
This opinion is countered by those who feel that art adds little value to the educational life of a student. Not every child has the talent or desire to pursue this subject. Each child has different hobbies, which can be as diverse as collecting stamps, sculpting, gardening and star-gazing. A single art class does not benefit such students, rather their poor performance in this medium often becomes a point of ridicule and inadvertent stress for them. An art class should be optional for students. This view is bolstered by those parents who feel that in today’s competitive world, the role of the education system is to prepare children for gaining admission in the best colleges and universities in the country and the world. They wish for their children to excel in academics as their future prospects depend on their performance in normative subjects. The sky-high cut-offs in the country’s premium graduate schools, including Delhi University, justify their stance.
In conclusion, it must be said that while having an art class enables those who are desirous of pursuing this medium to fulfil their passion, it is frustrating for those with little interest or ability in this medium. Rather than having art as an essential subject, participation should be optional.
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Feedback : Well written, although example in body paragraph would be appreciated.
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It is argued by some that having art subject at school is crucial for children. Others, however, maintain that it is a waste of time. This essay discusses both perspectives and why I believe that being an art subject at school brings creativity to students but is not a waste of time.
To commence with, there are people who think that art is a vital subject for school children and it is because art is creativity and imagination that is poured in different forms. Moreover, music and dance are also considered as types of art and these all enhance creativity which really helps in later life either in jobs or own business. For example, one research conducted on school children and it has been found that students having art subject are more creative than those who do not have any art subjects. Therefore, it seems that children should have art subject which definitely helps to broaden their horizon.
However, others believe that it is not necessary to keep art subject and this is mainly because they think about job prospects. Some students fully involve in art and even they pursue further education in art as well but all of them are not able to find related jobs. For instance, one study conducted in India showed that less than 10% of people got jobs who became artists. As a result, some people are forced to think that art in school is just waste of time.
In conclusion, I agree with those who believe that art is an indispensable subject for school children because every company needs creative people to raise the company’s growth to the upper level and also if one should be creative to run own business. These are only possible by having art subjects in school.
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Feedback : why I believe that being (studying) an art subject at school brings creativity to students but (and) is not a waste of time.
Need to work on sentence range, as monotonous structure has been observed here.
Try not to introduce a new angle in conclusion rather just sum up the ideas discussed in distinct paragraphs.
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Learning arts while at school is considered important by many people while others think it is unnecessary to include arts in curriculum. This essay will discuss both sides of arguments in detail followed by citing my opinion.
On one side of the argument, it is stated that, art is an indispensable part of a school’s curriculum for many reasons. First of all, it serves to expose one’s hidden natural talents such as drawing, sculpting or acting from the beginning of school years. Hence, many gifted children can utilise these classes to enrich their skills in order to pursue them as a career in future. For instance, the world famous actor, Mrs. Maisie Williams, first noticed her acting skills when she joined in school’s theatre club, which paved her path in television and film industry. Another reason is that, arts help students in relieving tension created by difficult syllabus which, some of them could not excel, meanwhile, their in born talents are nourished in arts sessions which can create a bright future for them.
On the other hand, others say that, including arts as a subject in school lead to loss of valuable hours to finish curriculum in time. Since most schools nowadays teach a vast syllabus not corresponding to the level of standard, there is a rush in completing lessons within an academic year. Moreover, there exists a belief not to incorporate arts as a discipline since it might not be always worth in allocating time for a subject which only a minority of pupils utilize.
In conclusion, even though learning arts at school do create some issues, I strongly believe that, it helps pupils in developing passion which in turn can be accomplished as a career later on in life.
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In B.P 1, second reason somehow merged into first reason or overlapping of language/ ideas has been observed
hours to finish curriculum in (on) time
No example found in B.P 2
Conclusion could be more effective keeping essay type in consideration (both views and own opinion)
Feedback : Take care of the points mentioned above and keep practicing!!
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its (it’s) unwanted (futile) use of time
art subjects don’t have future (future career prospects)
One can’t survey (survive)
Inclusive of (Including arts in school curriculum) arts sometimes made the children (pressurized and burdened) to be in a pressurize their schedule
subjects for (to) acquire
frequently (evidently) students’ performance may gets impacted
In B.P 1; explanation of topic sentence is missing
In B.P 2 : Topic sentence is missing
work on sentence structure . Keep practicing!!
Band : 2.5/6
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Arts and crafts are perceived to be an integral part of academics while others consider this as a fool’s errand. The arts help in the development of creativity and mental growth of the children.
Arts and crafts help in the mental growth of kids development and induce creativity and imagination. Art can be of any form music, drawing, dancing, etc. anything that induces creativity. This will provide the children with tools in the arsenal of his life, to become great leaders and the one who inspires others. If you take the life of Great Davinci, he is a person of intrigue and inspiration who has dabbled in arts at a very young age. His creativity ran wild and was one of the pioneers who merged science and arts into a single form.
On the other hand, many argue that learning arts are a wasteful errand and it should be time spent elsewhere. They argue that this will not prepare for them their future as this does not prepare for their primary career skill. You can see a lot of struggling artists who are trying to get their big break, and their numbers are staggering. During my childhood, I used to visit a local art studio for art lessons, I could see a person who is struggling in life but has endorsed art in his life, trying to make a break in his passion.
In conclusion, Arts should be considered as a vital part of every educational curriculum as it enhances creativity, although it can be seen from another viewpoint as a waste of time.
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They argue that this will not prepare (them for their future) for them their future
Conclusion could be more effective as it is not mention your own opinion (as asked in question) .
Great improvement , try to use more cohesive devices other than that no complaints. Keep writing!!
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Some people argue that art is useless subject for students in education system while others say that it is important . This essay weighs the two opinions as well as provides my personal judgement .
On one side , people think that art education is waste of time especially if the child is not interested in it. They believe that there are more essential subjects such as mathematics ,technology or science , which allows students to find a job in the future .For instance, studying arts does not guarantee a successful career in the future , especially if you are living in a country where art is not the best profession and it would be hard to find art-related job. Nowadays , most artists have been struggling to make a living from selling their work .
On the other hand , from my point of view , learning art is necessary for students because they can relax after concentration on a heavy subjects , let’s say get taste of what different subjects are about . For example ,singing a song in musical classes can bring positive emotions for people . Also studying art could improve performance in other subjects .Art would help to develop creativity thinking, imagination and coordination , also art aids shy people to express themselves .
In conclusion, despite some drawbacks above , I would say that art is definitely crucial for pupils in their curriculum , rather focus only on technical education.
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which allows (allow) students to
On the other hand , from my point of view , (you are not suppose to discuss your own view in second body paragraph , you can dedicate a distinct paragraph for this or present in conclusion itself)
after concentration(concentrating) on a heavy (academic) subjects ,
.Art would help to develop creativity (creative) thinking,
In conclusion, despite some drawbacks above (I would suggest better usage of words , as essay doesn’t demand pros and cons but discuss both views and your opinion
Feedback : Introduction and conclusion both could be more impressive.
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Some people believe that art should be a compulsory subject in schools while others argue that it should not be necessary as it is a waste of time. This essay will explore both the views along with my opinion.
To begin with, those who think art should be essential have many arguments. First and foremost, it provides the opportunity to children to pursue their hidden interests. Many kids do not know that they are interested in arts subjects like painting, drawing, sculpturing and many more and they are not good in academics as well. So, art classes provide them an opportunity to identify their strengths and make them their career choices. For example, legendary Bollywood actor Amitabh Bachchan did not perform well in school but due to his acting passion, now he is not only successful but also famous worldwide. Secondly, these classes provide a relaxing environment to kids as they are very busy in back to back classes and sometimes feel exhausted. Some research shows that students can focus more in academic classes if they are happy and relaxed.
However, on the other side, some say that including art as an essential subject in schools leads to loss of valuable time. Only a minority like these subjects as a result other kids are reluctant to attend these classes and want to only focus on their main subjects. Nowadays, lots of syllabus are required to be completed on time for better results and for a better future for children. So, many parents do not want to see art as a compulsory subject and do not allow their kids to continue with these subjects. For instance, in higher education, mostly career options are available for students who scored well in science and mathematics. In addition to that, art should be optional in the school curriculum. So, kids can choose according to their interests.
To conclude, necessary art classes provide a good platform to identify hidden talents of children along with some light activities to help them in reducing their stress levels. However, in my opinion, these classes should not be essential, rather it should be optional as individual students have their own interest and the education system should provide them this opportunity to choose their subjects.
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I am not convinced with paraphrasing , it could be more effective
Example in body paragraph 1, needs to be more relevant and well-represented
Some research shows that students can focus more in academic classes if they are happy and relaxed (which can be attained by introducing art subjects in their regular curriculum)
syllabus are( is) required
necessary (mandatory) art classes provide a
to choose their subjects. (as per their level of interest)
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Arts is a wide range of human activity that withholds the integrity and culture of a nation. Some argue children need to be inculcated with art sessions from an early age whereas others think that would be a wastage of time and wouldn’t help with career. In the essay below, I will discuss both views as well as provide my view on why I think it is important for children to attend art classes during schooling.
Many people assume that encouraging kids to attend art class will distract their focus on education. Especially, when a child allocates time on extracurricular activities such as dancing, painting classes, and learning musical instruments which requires them to take some time out of their daily schedule. Thus, many parents think it would be diverting their focus from core subjects and preparation time towards these art classes which will result in fewer scores. To add, there was a friend of mine who used to score 75% in every exam has dropped his score to 60% after initiating dance classes.
However, some parents encourage their kids to attend the art classes at their school as they believe that their children would manage both education and extra-curricular activities. They believe that art sessions will enhance their mood, creativity, and works as stress busters from their hectic academic schedule. Furthermore, not every kid would be talented on the same subject, allowing them to explore various activities will allow finding out their strengths as well as the culture can be carried forwarded. For example, there was a survey conducted by Harvard University among 100 students who are at age of 10, children who were encouraged on their interest’s performance rate in their academics improved by 35% when compared to ones that were forced to study.
In conclusion, it is essential to have kids allocate some limited time on arts along with their basic education which will allow them to develop their creativity and gain knowledge on arts which will be given to future generations.
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Furthermore, not every kid would be talented on the same (academic) subject
who are (were) at age of 10
conclusion could be more effective , as it is projecting your opinion only . Keep question statement in mind and frame conclusion accordingly . (tip: Introduction and conclusion need to be in sync)
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It is often argued that the subject of art is pivotal in the overall development of a pupil. A lot of people also debate .that domains such as painting and design are an underutilisation of time , especially in today’s technology driven times. I am a firm believer of the opinion, that learning art is paramount to inculcate an innovative thought-process.
In the old times , sketching was one of the most sought after professions, around the globe.However, with changing times this has been replaced by monetarily driven occupations like Engineers, Medical professionals and so on. The under appreciation of art in today’s world is reflected in several professions where most individuals lack an “out of the box” or smarter approach to complete day to day tasks. We have seen also witnessed artists like Picasso being recognised several times for decades ,being one of the brightest human minds to have ever been born.
On the other hand, due to art being one of the most underpaid profiles in the world, it is always undermined by a huge chunk of human population. Although, it is true that the emphasis on art needs to be more balanced, it is also necessary to streamline this entire profession. This will not only ensure that we produce more artists ,but will also encourage a shift from the commonly sought after professions ,to follow this career path. We have often seen examples of painters needing to resort to various professions , due to financial implications that are caused in becoming an artist.
To conclude, I thoroughly believe that art needs to have an equal emphasis, even if it means children deviating to different professions in the future, as this skill is the foundation of all occupations that exist in today’s world.
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The under appreciation of art in today’s world is reflected in several professions where most individuals lack an “out of the box” or smarter approach to complete day to day tasks. (To my understanding, B.P 1 is dedicated to viewpoint “art is must for students” ; this statement seems to contradict the idea , although topic sentence could be more clear and loud)
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Some people believe teaching arts are crucial and should be taught in school while quite a few people oppose and believe it is completely worthless. In my opinion, art should be part of fundamental education to encourage creativity among the children however, this essay will discuss both views.
On one hand, the future is in technology and science. So many parents are aware, and so believe it is very beneficial that school focus primarily on academics, so that their children will get success in this modern world. For example International company like Nasa conduct different science projects and the selected students get chance to visit their campus, many financial services to study abroad .so many student and parents alike feel that their future is somewhere among these field.
Alternately, one thing that needs to be pointed out that the main objective of school is to enable students to get knowledge of every subject be it like academic or arts, and then allow them to choose whichever field they wish to pursue. Arts is an engaging subject which allow people to be creative, upgrade own’s artistic skills to express themselves, sometime it is helpful to enhance more concentration and build their confidence level.
In conclusion, I believe school should encourage arts as part of curriculum because learning art can show the imagination of student or what they have inside and enhance their in born quality and if not at least it can be used to release stress of workload.
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Make more use of cohesive devices, it will add more cohesive to the piece
No example found in second body paragraph; also the second B.P should look like your discussing what “others” believe rather your own opinion
conclusion should be more effective ; talks about both ideas and your stand on the argument.
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Please review my essay and share the feedback.
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I will discuss ( This essay will discuss)
Examples are missing.
Lexical resources need to be better
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that results into more stressed out ( that leads to stress among students)
unfruitful (futile)- better word.
a concise conclusion would be a better idea ( reduce the verbosity , complex-compound structure will help)
Keep writing !!
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“I” needs to be capitalised.
From my point of view ( Body paragraph should discuss about what “some” people think – be attentive tp the question type
one good examples (example)
My daughter don’t want (doesn’t)
her loves (love)
art allow (allows) her
for example in second body paragraph is just an explanation , more precise example would be appreciated.
Feedback : Be careful with grammar especially “subject-verb” agreement.
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It is argued by some people that art subjects at schools are crucial for children. While on the other hand, others believe it is a total waste of time. This essay discusses these contradicting views, followed by my opinion on why I believe art subjects at school are essential and not a waste of time.
Without a doubt, art plays a vital role in children’s life in expanding imagination power and thinking out of the box. Along with this, including art courses in a curriculum helps children to showcase their creativity. Moreover, children can shape their career choices because the art activities involved in their day to day life may work as a helping hand in recognizing their talent. On top of that, studying art subjects alongside educational ones putting all together makes a child an all-rounder. For instance, a well known celebrity who died last year Sushant Singh Rajput was a top ranker IITian which clearly signifies he was excellent at his studies next to arts.
On the contrary, art activities may put an extra pressure on children along with their academic performance. As a consequence, sometimes it may get hard for them to get satisfactory jobs because very limited jobs are available in the society related to arts whereas they are also very tough to get. In addition to that, a smaller proportion of parents encourage their off-springs to flourish interest in art subjects. On the contrary, art activities may put an extra pressure on children along with their academic performance. As a consequence, sometimes it may get hard for them to get satisfactory jobs because very limited jobs are available in the society related to arts whereas they are also very tough to get. In addition to that, a smaller proportion of parents encourage their off-springs to flourish interest in art subjects.
In conclusion, Even though learning art subjects may have some downsides, I strongly believe it helps pupils recognize their passion which may turn into a career later on in life.
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In introduction, paraphrasing is not up to the mark, there has been lot of repetition and language has been exactly copied from the question
example in B.P 1, could be presented in a better manner to establish coherence.
sometimes it may get hard for them to get satisfactory jobs (not only because they are very limited in number , but also very tough to get) because very limited jobs are available in the society related to arts whereas they are also very tough to get
On the contrary, art activities may put an extra pressure on children along with their academic performance. As a consequence, sometimes it may get hard for them to get satisfactory jobs because very limited jobs are available in the society related to arts whereas they are also very tough to get. In addition to that, a smaller proportion of parents encourage their off-springs to flourish interest in art subjects. – repetition of idea and language
In conclusion, Even though (some people believe) learning art subjects may have some downsides, I strongly believe it helps pupils recognize their passion which may turn into a career later on in life.
Second B.P, is not satisfactory.
Band : 2.5/6
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In this era, education is an essential part of humankind, but the subject of arts includes in the curriculum at school become a controversial topic. It is considered by some people that it is just futile for the students while there are others who think that it is an important subject to learn during schooling and I completely agree with this statement. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I shall discuss both views with examples and provide a logical conclusion.
To begin with, it is significant to focus on the useful subjects which boost the career in the future, because at the early age child don’t have the capacity to learn multiple topics at a time. Firstly, these days schools prepare a syllabus with the list of subjects in which they also include the Arts, so it is an extra burden for the children, due to tight schedule they could not enjoy the outdoor activities, thereby many are getting frustrated and lead to take wrong steps in the life. For instance, a recent report from the New York times indicated that around 10% of adults did suicide in the year 2021 because of the stress of study. Secondly, there are many examples of pupils who lose their concentration on the main subjects due to extra activity.
On the other hand, it is required to get knowledge of arts during the schooling, because it is also defined the career path. Firstly, a person has multiple capabilities to do creative work but lacks of guidance never come into the open world, so school is the best platform to learn and enhance the skills for making a bright future. i.e., nowadays artist is the most successful professionals in India rather than others. Secondly, it is helpful to reduce stress while doing the dancing and painting activity. As per the survey by the bbc news, those students who are interested in art are more creative and intelligent than the others.
To conclude, the lengthy syllabus creates trouble for the students and they don’t find time to follow their hobbies, but many of them can realize their hidden skills through these artistic activities which guide them to the right path in life.
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but the subject of arts includes (should be included) in the curriculum at school (or not) become (has become) a controversial topic.
age child don’t (doesn’t) have the capacity
because it is also defined (it also defines) the career path
Firstly, a person has multiple capabilities to do creative work but lacks (due to lack) of guidance (this potential) never come (out) into the open world
, nowadays artist is the most successful professionals (profession) in India
opinion is missing.