[Sonali]

People suggest that there should be a flexible age of retirement for employees considering their occupation type.I strongly agree with this view because different occupations demand different effort and therefore, workers in such jobs should be treated differently.

Fairness should be granted by taking into account difficulty level in a job.Some jobs require a lot of physical and mental effort without much period for recreation or relaxation which can cause recurring mental fatigue in some people over a period of time. There fore, it is important that employees in such type of jobs have a freedom to enjoy retirement at an early age.For example, as per my observation, I think some jobs are demanding ,so people ignore exercise and healthy habits during their young age while spending a lot of time at their workplaces but these practices can prove to be fatal if continued till late adulthood. Therefore, such people should have benefit of early retirement with less work related responsibilities.

Construction workers and workers with disability should be exempted from working after 60 years of age and should be allowed to enjoy the benefit of pension at an early age.This is because construction workers need great deal of physical strength to carry out tasks like manual labour which is stressful and hazardous after late middle age as people usually start losing physical strength at this age.
Similarly, for people with disability, government should provide age relaxation for retirement so that they can enjoy their late adulthood with less work related responsibilities.

In conclusion, depending on the circumstances and type of occupation there should be a flexible age for retirement so that workers like construction workers and people with disability can enjoy pension benefits at an early age.

[Unknown Member]

People suggest that there should be a flexible age of retirement for employees considering their occupation type. I strongly agree with this view because different occupations demand different effort and therefore, workers in such jobs should be treated differently.

Fairness should be granted by taking into account (the) difficulty level in a job. Some jobs require a lot of physical and mental effort without much period (time) for recreation or relaxation which can cause recurring mental fatigue in some people over a period of time. There fore (Therefore), it is important that employees in such type of jobs have a freedom to enjoy retirement at an early age. For example, as per my observation, I think some jobs are demanding ,so people ignore exercise and healthy habits during their young age while spending a lot of time at their workplaces but these practices can prove to be fatal if continued till late adulthood. Therefore, such people should have benefit of early retirement with less work related responsibilities.

Construction workers and workers with disability should be exempted from working after 60 years of age and should be allowed to enjoy the benefit of pension at an early age. This is because construction workers need great deal of physical strength to carry out tasks like manual labour which is stressful and hazardous after late middle age as people usually start losing physical strength at this age.
Similarly, for people with disability, government should provide age relaxation for retirement so that they can enjoy their late adulthood with less work related responsibilities.

In conclusion, depending on the circumstances and type of occupation there should be a flexible age for retirement so that workers like construction workers and people with disability can enjoy pension benefits at an early age.

Feedback:

Well written! Length is appropriate and ideas are connected to topic, but could be better supported with more details. The opinion is clear. There are few linking words / transition words used. Vocabulary repetition – such as “retirement”. There should be more paraphrasing. More advanced vocabulary could have been used in some places. Paragraphing has been skilfully managed. A few Grammar errors are seen but they are minimal in number and hence insignificant.

Band Score : 4.5/6

[ahmet]

It is argued by some people that setting a standard retirement age for everyone without considering their working conditions is not a righteous decision and they should retire particularly depending on their own occupation instead of a general approach. It is agreed with this opinion since different working environments have a different effect on humans. Therefore, people who experience extreme conditions while working must be treated individually in terms of retirement age.

It is undeniably true that all occupations have their own pros and cons however, some of them can be more stressful and demanding than others. As a matter of fact, workers are exposed to different conditions depending on their workloads, colleagues, and places where they work. Consequently, this will lead to a variety in their working ability to a certain age. For this reason, authorities should classify all the working groups on a risk scale spanning from the most hazardous one to the least considering all the detrimental factors to the workers’ health. Based on this classification, it will be possible to determine the optimum age to retire for an individual.

Even though it is considered by some people that blue-collars and white-collars are equally suffering while working, it would be unfair to say that, when considering the fact that blue-collars become both mentally and physically fatigued after long and exhausting years of work, unlike white collars who experience only mental exhaustion. To illustrate, a computer engineer working in his office is less likely to have an industrial accident and occupational disease than an operator in the metal production industry.

To conclude, all employees should not be treated when it comes to determining a retirement age hence, they work in different environments. The workers who have occupations requiring physical and mental power ought to retire sooner than the ones having relatively lighter workloads.

[Unknown Member]

It is argued by some people that setting a standard retirement age for everyone without considering their working conditions is not a righteous decision and they should retire particularly depending on their own occupation instead of a general approach. It is agreed ( This essay agrees) with this opinion since different working environments have a different effect on humans. Therefore, people who experience extreme conditions while working must be treated individually in terms of retirement age.

It is undeniably true that all occupations have their own pros and cons however, some of them can be more stressful and demanding than others. As a matter of fact, workers are exposed to different conditions depending on their workloads, colleagues, and places where they work. Consequently, this will lead to a variety (variation)in their working ability to (upto) a certain age. For this reason, authorities should classify all the working groups on a risk scale spanning from the most hazardous one to the least considering all the detrimental factors to the workers’ health. Based on this classification, it will be possible to determine the optimum age to retire for an individual.

Even though it is considered by some people that blue-collars and white-collars are equally suffering while working, it would be unfair to say that, when considering the fact that blue-collars become both mentally and physically fatigued after long and exhausting years of work, unlike white collars who experience only mental exhaustion. To illustrate, a computer engineer working in his office is less likely to have an industrial accident and occupational disease than an operator in the metal production industry.

To conclude, all employees should not be treated (equally)when it comes to determining a retirement age hence(as), they work in different environments. The workers who have occupations requiring physical and mental power ought to retire sooner than the ones having relatively lighter workloads.

Suggestions :
Please check the words in bold above for corrections ,

Feedback:
An impressive piece of writing overall though you have gone wrong with use of words in quite a few places which will limit your score for incorrect framing of sentences. The organizational structure is good with good use of linking words. Example could have been added in body paragraph 1.

Band Score : 4.5/6

[Maninder]

People have different thoughts about setting a standard retirement age for all the workers irrespective of their occupation, as some feel it’s unfair, setting an age number applicable for all and some will support this policy. I also feel that setting a standard would be unfair and i have given detailed reasons to support my thoughts in succeeding paragraphs.

There are different types of requirements of work schedule in different types of industries, as the service sector provides jobs mainly sitting and automative industry jobs are labor-intensive which required hard work in the factories. The remuneration of each industry also varies from industry to industry. People in the service sector have more comfortable jobs than workers in automotive. For Example – A person can do sitting jobs at the age of 65, however, if a worker needs to do a field job it is quite difficult for him to manage the same without medical problems.

People which are in a labor-intensive industry that requires hard work to perform their routine jobs will be benefited most from the early retirement age. Once the worker is retiring they are eligible for some social financial benefits till death. For Example – Maruti India has a policy for the retirement of labor workers at the age of 55, as they believe after this age health complications will start getting worst.

To conclude, i would like to reiterate that a standard age number for retirement will not be a good idea and it needs to be evaluated based on different work requirements

[Neeraj]

A lot of people have the opinion that it is inappropriate to fix the retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for all types of jobs. Some types of work categories require their old age grants at sooner age. I am totally agree with this opinion that early retirement according to classification of jobs is a good idea.

First of all, I believe that some field job profiles where physical fitness is compulsory, need to fix the retirement age earlier than sitting jobs, because it is not possible to do the hard work with the age of 50+. In some cases where member is suffering from some kind of disease, there he/she needs relax at this age and require funds for living expenditures. That’s whys it’s more important to choose retirement age as per member’s fitness and work profiles.

At the end, It will be helpful for the needy if we think about changes in retirement age. We can’t see the everyone through one frame.

[sriranjini]

Though some people believe that fixed retirement age for all, irrespective of type of work is unjustifiable while others think the opposite, I agree that retirement age should be dependable on people’s preference and their current life scenario.

Firstly, every occupation is different not to mention the work that each one entails. Set retirement age may work for occupations that doesn’t involve hard labor and semantic work. Physical labor consumes a lot of energy therefore draining people more. Jobs such as desk clerks, accountants, Software developers and many other fields where manual heavy work is actually not used, both mental and physical drain is less. For example, Corporation cleaners work throughout the day sanitizing drainage and removing blockages. Moreover, they might face a deterioration in health due to their job and therefore they need retirement at an early age.

Secondly, Doctors are thriving day and night without proper rest, sleep and food throughout their journey in their roles. They can neither find time for good sleep nor for healthy diet or exercise. On the other hand, they fight to save others lives and therefore lose their physical and mental health. For Instance , I have witnessed a friend of mine suddenly get admitted for dehydration as she almost forgot to drink water for days together. Therefore they need retirement at an early age to finally take care of themselves and their family too.

In conclusion, Many white collar and blue collar jobs have different type of works and various aspects such as interest, health, pension to be taken into account before consider a fixed age for discharge.

words: 266 words

[Ashish]

It is argued by some that there shouldn’t be any fixed age for retirement and they suggest that the age limit should vary according to the type of job .I completely agree with this opinion because every occupation requires different amount of efforts.

To begin with,certain jobs demand for the different levels of physical and mental energy from their employees ,and hence the retirement age must be set accordingly.The people who have to put lesser amount of hardwork in their jobs should have a higher retirement age as compared to the people who are involved in some laborious activities.For example,if we consider the case of a goverment college or university ,the sweepers there should get retired first as compared to the higher position holders like the professors.However,I also think that those who face serious problems like accident or severe health issues should be retired earlier, irrespective of the occupation.

The people who are involved in the activities which brings hundreds of health hazards along with the stress are most deserving candidates for availing the benefits of ealry retirement and pension.For illustration,coal mine workers have to face various kinds of health issues such as deadly respiratory diseases like Asthama, loss of eyesight ,skin damage and countless others ,which are caused by the toxic gases and dust particles present in the mines.Moreover,the persons with disabilities should also be benefited by it.

To conclude,all the employees shouldn’t have a standard age of retirement but that should be dependent on the type of occupation which they pursue.The people who’s jobs are more exhausting must be given relaxation sooner.