WRITING TASK 2: AGREE DISAGREE ESSAYPosted by Anureet on July 23, 2021 at 8:53 AM
The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?Falak replied 1 year, 8 months ago 12 Members · 26 Replies
AiswaryaGuestJuly 23, 2021 at 1:39 PM
There is a huge number growth in obese among the pleople ,this lead to some health issues and as a result some part of the body would strained. Focusing on exercise more during the school ciriculum play a important part in it. Although exercises in daily life, will help to control weight.
Those people who are having obesity would have been some serious health related issues already like hyper thyroid or there is a higher chance of getting health issues like cholesterol and heartattack in furture. Due to the changes in the day to day life, machine made life easier and people become lazy. Hence, exercise plays a vital role , especially those who are fat.
Exerciseswhen start from school days and it is a habbit of life reduce the possibility to put weight in future.Reducing the higher calories of food and having low calories food along with exercise help to burn fat in body. I agree to start exercise from the school days.
Changing in life style leads many people in to overweight and this leads to some serious health problems. The only way to reduce the weight is to have exercise or any physical activities on daily basis from childhood days itself
AnureetMemberJuly 23, 2021 at 3:46 PM
INTRODUCTION: number growth- growth
would strained- would get strained
a important- an important
Although- erroneous complex sentence
work on paraphrasing and thesis statement
BP 1: have been- have
especially those- especially for
BP 2: start- started
and it is a habit- when it becomes a habit
reduces- it reduces
Reducing the higher calories of food- lowering the intake of calories
exercise help- exercise can help
Conclusion: changing- change
in to overweight- to become overweight
activities on daily- activity on a daily
BAND SCORE: 3/5 Keep writing!
JasmeetMemberJuly 23, 2021 at 2:43 PM
It is argued that the rapid increase in the number of obese people is putting a stress on the health care system to cope with the health related issues. According to some people, the finest way to deal with obesity is to bring in more lessons on physical education in the school syllabus. I completely agree that introducing them will have a positive impact on the health of students as well as it will send the message of fitness to their parents.
Physical education plays an important role in living a healthy life. The lessons introduced at a young age teaches long-life morals. The children learn to create a balance between their studies and physical activities, therefore it brings a change in their lifestyle and builds physical confidence. Moreover, they become less prone to chronic and severe diseases. For instance, it is found that students who were engaged in physical activities were healthier than their fellows in the adulthood.
There are limited resources with every government of the country, so it becomes difficult for them to install the facilities with the help of modest means. The growing number of patients has put a stress on the health care system in a way that there is a need for more hospitals, doctors and medical equipment. The more the number of obese people, higher the demand of resources to fulfill the medical needs. Therefore, it becomes a mammoth task for any authority to shift the allocated funds. In such conditions, physical education aids in making people aware of adverse effects.
In conclusion, more of exercises and other activities should be taught as a part of school curriculum which will help people in living a healthy lifestyle free from ailments and severe diseases.
AnureetMemberJuly 23, 2021 at 4:20 PM
INTRODUCTION: It is argues- rephrase it
finest- most effective
BP 1: introduced- taught
long life morals- life long moral values
physical confidence- body positivity
chronic and severe- write either chronic or severe
in the adulthood- in adulthood
BP 2: stress- strain or pressure
higher- the higher
correlative comparative is correct- GOOD
Conclusion- more of exercise- focus on exerise
BAND SCORE: 4/6. Good. Keep writing!
SriMemberJuly 23, 2021 at 8:38 PM
Pls find the attached replies to task 2
AnureetMemberJuly 26, 2021 at 11:57 AM
Introduction: paraphrase it clearly
is to train- is by training students
Agree To- agree with
This essay will- do not write this sentence as it doesn’t add anything extra instead write a clear thesis statement with main points
BP 1: old days: olden days
One of the main factors are- only include one main point
If you have more points write the main factors are
Factor- responsible for becoming obese
For example- it is very common use other example linkers
example, Majority- example, majority
BP 2: prosper- strengthen
schooling- school days
in outdoor- outdoors
Physical activity hours- long hours of physical activity
knowledge- incorrect word choice- improved health
Conclusion- sum up main points more clearly
Band Score: 3/6 Keep writing!
Akshay KumarMemberJuly 26, 2021 at 12:16 PM
AishwaryaMemberJuly 28, 2021 at 7:35 PM
Healthcare sector is facing substantial difficulties due to the rising problem of obesity .Some people believe that physical education should be made mandatory at school.This essay will argue why it is crucial to inculcate the habit of exercise at a young age despite the opposition from some people .
Parents prefer that thier children study hard ,even if it is derogatory to their health .Moreover the pressure of getting into a good college has inclined students to devote more time to cramming subjects as compared to burning calories in the sun .Consequently ,giving rise to the problem of increase in number of overweight people. For instance ,my cousin Ruchi is a total bookworm who hates to exercise and prefers reading quietly in her room, afraid that she might score less than her classmates .Overall extra curricular activities are frowned upon by parents let alone a subject dedicated to excercise .
On the other hand some people believe that regular exercise is a helping hand not only for the health of children but also helps in unburdening the healthcare system .More the exercise the lesser the possibility of becoming overweight,thus nipping the problem at bud stage.Physical education lessons will not only motivate students to excercise but also gain knowledge about the importance of exercise and awareness about weight related disorders . For instance national welfare Society published that people who exercise daily for 15 minutes are 80% less prone to diseases like hypertension and diabetes .Overall addition of physical education is rewarding for children as well as healthcare system .
This essay argues that it is essential collaberate physical education and theory syllabus of schools despite the effect that it might have on their studies .In my opinion I completely agree about the vital role that physical education plays in maintaining a healthy body and decreasing the troubles of the healthcare professionals.
AnureetMemberJuly 29, 2021 at 2:29 PM
BAND SCORE: 4/6 Very well attempted. Good. Keep writing!
NileshMemberJuly 28, 2021 at 7:45 PM
The growing sedentary job culture in our society responsible for creating the fleshy creatures & this is mainly due to the ignorance towards the exercise intentionally or sometimes we don’t have choice. The physical education is must for all individual to leave healthy lifestyle and this culture needs to be enroot from our school days itself.
A major part of our society prefers to have office job which is almost 8 to 10 hours per day. This work style has severe implications on our health & most obvious side effect is obesity which cause major diseases such as hypertension, diabetes and unhealthy liver and heart. Based on the recent survey carried out by world health organization has indicated that the reason for obesity in the youth is mainly due the lack of physical exercise and unhealthy diet. As per this survey, obesity rate is highest in USA & lowest in Israel. The one of the advanced country, Israel has enforced compulsory physical training periods in school & college curriculum on daily basis and two years mandatory military training program after graduation. The discipline of physical exercise has created healthy lifestyle among the residents of Israel.
Underdeveloped countries normally have poor health care system such as limited numbers of hospitals, shortage of health workers and medical equipment’s. The prime target of health care system is to provide treatment for elderly or needy people on time but unfit, obese normally prone to many diseases which are creating more strain and stress on the medical institutions due to limited availability of health workers as they are unable to attend all the patients at the same time.
To conclude on above subject, the physical fitness should have highest priority in our lifestyle & it has to be part of our school curriculum itself. The healthy young generation can lead lower burden on our health care systems and strong nation.
AnureetMemberJuly 29, 2021 at 2:40 PM
INTRODUCTION: paraphrase your question statement without adding any extra information
society responsible- society is responsible
we- don’t include we or I in formal essay writing
The physical education is must- Doing physical education is a must
leave- live- instead of live write have
Write a thesis statement stating the main points
BP1: cause- causes
World Health Organisation- Don’t quote source while giving an example
The one of the- One of the advanced countries
on daily- on a daily
BP2: diseases which- diseases, are creating
CONCLUSION: on above subject-don’t write these phrases
The physical- Physical
The healthy- healthy
lead lower- lower the burden
strong nation- make our nation strong.
BAND SCORE:2.5/6 Keep writing!
RohiniMemberJuly 29, 2021 at 12:22 AM
AnureetMemberJuly 30, 2021 at 8:30 AM
INTRODUCTION: some people including me- first paraphrase the question statement then state your opinion in a thesis statement along with the main points which you are going to elaborate on in the subsequent paragraphs.
BP1: kids- children- kids is informal
younger days- formative years
body exercise- exercise
extra physical- physical- you are suggesting to include them in the curriculum. Hence, they are not extra
BP2: child- the child
motivate- can motivate
lot of- a lot of
CONCLUSION: advantages- advantage
BAND SCORE: 3.5/6 Keep Writing!
VaibhavMemberJuly 29, 2021 at 11:43 AM
Obesity among urban populace is indeed a matter of grave concern to be contemplated upon, some people believe if educational institutions had included physical education in their curriculum, the nation would have not witnessed this predicament , however, others discard the notion of physical education in institutions as flawed and utter ignorance. This essay will argue, physical education, which is considered as only an extra curricular ever since, can prove vital in shaping up the future of the nation.
Perhaps, the problem of overweight is prevalent across all age groups of society, and inculcating physical education only in a roster of teenagers might be a naive idea. This instead of solving real actual issues could rupture the nimble academic progress of students, thereby creating further stress and health complications. Doctors suggest obesity being more common among working men and women, implies the root cause of overweight could be sedentary work style of recent times and incorporating physical education in school agenda could be worthless.
Having said above, physical education can induce a worthy habit in kids, of taking care of their own health alongside academics since early childhood. Essentially, this will raise the level of consciousness pertaining to health aspects in all sections of society, furthermore, it can certainly develop a conducive environment for overall well being for citizens. Psychologists quote, countries that laid more focus on sports in their school curriculum, are more healthier today. Overall, inducing physical education in parallel to academics in institutions, can prove to be a leap towards shaping up future generations.
This essay argued that people who discourage physical education in school curriculum are missing the unparalleled advantages of it. In order to make society free of obesity, we need to work on many dimensions, and I firmly believe aligning physical education in the educational curriculum is an essential step towards this journey.
NidhiMemberJuly 29, 2021 at 10:11 PM
With changes in lifestyle people are suffering with multiple health related issues. Moreover with upcoming technologies manual works are reducing and causing overweight. Since competition is increasing in every fields, mental and emotional stress has also become more frequent. I partially agree that including physical education in student’s curriculum could have an impact.<div>
Physical education should be included as a curriculum in a student’s life as school is the foundation. However it should be applied in a form where students could find it more pleasurable and entertaining. Physical education should be an amalgamation of sports, yoga, exercise and must include dietary guidance.If there is no intake of balanced diet no matter what intensity you put on physical training it would go in vain, therefore athletes are provided dietician in addition to a trainer.If we rely on these effortless way of living then it could result in obesity among people. Females are majorly suffering from thyroid due to stress and obesity, outnumbering hormonal and metabolic dysfunction. Hence, schools should encourage physical education through various systemic events.
Physical education and fitness is not a necessity as it is often mistaken with perfect body shapes. Genes do play a major role in our body structurally and functionally so each of us has different metabolism. Students should be taught to love their body as well as to not judge others based on their physical appearance or else it would give rise to stigma and prejudice which will impact mental health. Mental health is equally significant to physical health. Princess Diana had bulimia nervosa, an eating disorder that results due to psychological issues creating an urge to vomit after binge eating. This is redundant and injurious form of maintaining their physique. Therefore physical education is not a necessity but one should be taught acceptance and should be given proper awareness towards mental as well as physical health.
In my opinion a curriculum should incorporate and focus on psychology, value education in addition to physical education. There should be proper guidance on health and fitness by a certified trainer not only for students but people all across.
ArjunMemberJuly 30, 2021 at 6:09 PM
Please find the attachment.
FalakAdministratorAugust 3, 2021 at 4:48 PM
Introduction : In thesis statement show your stand on the argument . Outline statement should be aligned to the question.
B.P 1 : Try to explain your topic sentence , don’t just paraphrase it.
B.P 2 : Example could be more relevant to the idea mentioned in the respective paragraph.
Try to use more sophisticated words.
RohiniMemberJuly 29, 2021 at 11:46 PM
I think the comments got mixed with my previous reply on university education vs experience essay, can you kindly provide the feedback for this one which is about obesity .
AnureetMemberJuly 30, 2021 at 8:19 AM
I think some glitch happened. I will share feedback.