WRITING TASK 2: DISCUSSION+OPINION ESSAY- LEISUREPosted by Anureet on September 20, 2021 at 8:06 AM
Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time.
Discuss both views and state your opinionAnureet replied 1 year, 6 months ago 6 Members · 10 Replies
jaidheeshMemberSeptember 20, 2021 at 9:18 AM
Please see attached pdf:
AnureetMemberSeptember 22, 2021 at 8:57 AM
Thesis statement- First statement your opinion and then write bullet points on both viewpoints of discussion
BP 1: Like- informal
Write in passive and avoid we in BPs
Band Score: 3/6 Keep Writing!
GurleenMemberSeptember 20, 2021 at 12:16 PM
Individuals have different opinions towards money and time, some people believe that money is worth more than time and others value time more than money. Prioritising each has its own merits and demerits, while I concur that having a right balance between the two is required.
On the one hand, people who spend more time earning want to give a luxurious life to their family and relatives. They believe that luxuries and lavish lifestyle is their stature and gives them an upper edge in the society. Due to the ever increasing craze for materialistic things people tend to give less time to their families and social relationships and have become extremely workaholic. To illustrate this, people nowadays want to spend more on their child’s education even if it means donating a lump sum amount of money for their admissions. Also the more workaholic you are, the greater are the health problems that you experience. Therefore, more people from corporates report health issues such as diabetes and high blood pressure.
On the other hand, there are people who believe that time is crucial and must be spent with family and friends. These individuals wouldn’t mind trading a job that requires them to shift city for staying with their family. They consider time as an equaliser and prefer to enjoy with their loved ones over their tight work schedule. Furthermore, they think that living a healthier life is more crucial and thus, they find time to indulge themselves in the physical exercises or pursue a passion they’ve always wanted to follow.
To conclude, people should maintain a balanced life between work and leisure. The time once gone never returns back and therefore, to have a sedentary lifestyle time must be judiciously planned for doing things that we love along with focusing on financial stability.
AnureetMemberSeptember 22, 2021 at 9:01 AM
BP2: shift city- shift into a city
they’ve- contractions can’t be used in Essay because its formal writing
Conclusion- focusing on- a focus on
Band Score: 4.8/6 Good. Keep Writing!
AbhishekMemberSeptember 21, 2021 at 2:48 AM
hi mam, please evaluate the attached PDF
AnureetMemberSeptember 22, 2021 at 9:05 AM
Introduction: In my opinion, It- opinion, it
BP1: relaxed- leisure
BP2: becomes- become
Conclusion- carry- carries
cannot denied- cannot be denied
Band Score: 3.5/6 Keep Writing!
DivyansheeMemberSeptember 21, 2021 at 9:33 AM
In the fast growing world, individuals are more concerned about earning money and living a luxurious life rather than having free time and concentrating more on their mental health. In my opinion, money can buy anything an individual wants but it cannot buy you the free time that a person needs in his/her life for a good and a balanced life.
On one hand, people are compromising their free time to earn more and more money. They prefer to work for longer hours and reduce the time that they can have for their families and friends. Moreover, it is believed that earning a good amount of money will surely bring happiness to the people out there and also to their families. No doubt, money gives a person all the lavish things which he ever aspired for. However, in the process they might lose their mental health and sometimes even their relationships.
One the other hand, sometimes people choose taking our free time over prioritizing money that they can make as they are certainly aware of the benefits that free time offers like a balanced lifestyle, a good mental health and healthy relationship with the family and friends. Nevertheless, they might not earn much and have the luxurious life that others possess but they have a higher level of happiness and satisfaction in whatever they have.
To conclude, it’s a really tough task to choose between the two. But every individual should know the importance of free time as well as money and in order to lead a happy and a lavish life one should learn how to make balance between the two.
AnureetMemberSeptember 22, 2021 at 9:08 AM
Introduction- paraphrase the question without adding extra information
BP2: our free- their free
Band Score: 4/6 Keep Writing!
Swati14MemberSeptember 21, 2021 at 9:29 PM
To have innumerable money and least free time is better than make less money and have more leisure time. Some people prefer to earn more money and have less time for their own whereas other people even get less money but give priority to have more time for themselves. In this essay, I will discuss both aspects and gives my opinion.
Money plays a vital role in every individual life. No one can live without money because money can fulfill their daily needs and necessities. If people earn more money then they can give a luxurious life to their family members and make them satisfied. Moreover, money boosts the standard of living for a family. Money is also a symbol of society and it reflects the social status of a family. The more money a family has, the higher they are well-off.
On the other side, an individual who earns even limited money but if he pays more attention to his family will have an optimistic life because money can give happiness up to a certain extent and all people need a family with whom they can share happiness and sorrow. Moreover, using this approach these people could more focus on their health and find more time for workouts. In addition, they can join some hobby classes which would soothe their stress level and enhances positivity.
To conclude, I would like to say that have more money is not a bad aspect but go after money does not seem quite good for people and their families because no one can buy happiness from money all time. Every person should have a balance of their personal and working life to pursue a splendid lifestyle.
AnureetMemberSeptember 22, 2021 at 9:11 AM
Write a clear thesis statement incorporating the main points
BP1: individual- individual’s
BP 2: more focus- focus more
Conclusion- have more- having more
Band Score: 4/6 Keep Writing!