[saravana]

It is often argued that, owing to the rising and fast extension of super markets in some nations, small shops revenues are getting affected drastically. Furthermore, some of our folks have thought in their mind that this lead to the exit of the local stores, where the limited number of products are being sold, and resulted to the devoid of local group of people. I completely agree with this situation, and I think that enlargement of super markets will eradicate the local people and their businesses to a greater extent.

Firstly, I believe that Since super markets attracts many people to buy all kinds of household accessories, fruits, vegetables in a single place inside the super market with good ambience and attractive offers, our folks visit them frequently to buy their products, which they feel that very time consuming. It renders local people lost their business which leads to poverty, lost their business ultimately. For instance, in the recent last month article of Times Of India, It was quoted that , eventhough our people showed greater interests in buying the products from big corporate shops, malls rather than small shops , we lost the livelihood of locals and their jobs. Thats why I could say that big shops, malls eradicate the lives of our local inmates.

Secondly, In my opinion, corporates who owned the malls, big retail shops buy the bulk quantity of products at a cheaper price in a single place, especially in a prodcution area, sell their products to the consumers at lower price when compared to the local shops. Moreover, they accept the different types of cards or online transactions from customers , whereas the small shops not holds these kinds of facilities. As a result, people always have the tendency to go those kind of multi-facility reatail shops that will decrease the revenue of tiny shops, For instance, in our country, the Reliance India, which is one of the big business giant has been following these kind of strategies for more decades to attract the all kinds of people to buy their own products. So, this clearly shows their strategy of enlarging their business thereby the native people will leave their own land.

Thus, we can conclude that owing to the extension of many malls, big retail corporate shops where people can buy their household and daily needs of products through online transactions which makes the people more convenient, many of our native folks who has been staying for many decades leave their places which is very sad thing to be noted .

[Anureet]

INTRODUCTION: folks- informal

this lead- this will lead

just paraphrase and write a thesis statement in your introduction. Add details in your body paragraphs

BP 1: Since- since

household accessories- collocation mistake- household items

that very- is very

lost- loose

recent last month- recently published article

Of- of

Don’t mention the source name in your example

BP 2: owned- own

not holds- don’t hold

CONCLUSION: Thus, we can conclude that- Inconclusion

needs of products- essentials

the people- people

has been- have been

sad thing- informal

BAND SCORE: 3/6 Keep Writing!

[jaidheesh]

With the widespread growth of supermarket chains throughout some countries, many small businesses are being forced to close down as they cannot compete with the services they offer. Some people believe that this trend will eventually lead to the complete removal of local communities. I agree that this is very true and evident in today’s society and the loss of local communities will in the end lead to the loss of local people’s livelihood and unique products indigenous to local communities.

Small business owners are unable to stand and compete with the larger franchises as they do not have that much money for providing better services for the customers. Services like customer support and after-sales together with better promotion and price discounts are all ways how supermarkets attract people. Smaller businesses cannot reduce the price beyond a point as it’s unfeasible for the survival of their businesses. Another point is supermarkets can promote their products and establishment by broadcasting adverts online and on television. Local businesses do not have the investment for spending money on advertisements and hence potential customers are not familiar with such businesses.

Most of the local customers favor supermarkets due to their many advantages. Every item they desire is available under one roof, thus preventing the need for shoppers to visit many shops. Small businesses cater to only selected items and do not have all items that customers may want. These local businesses promote sales of the local communities and they generally sell those goods that are made by local craftsmen and produce from local farmers. These unique items specific to that area helps in the livelihood of many communities and families. If local business perishes then these local communities and families will also suffer as they do not have a place to sell their goods.

To conclude, the livelihood of the locals and families are the ones who are going to be most affected by the closure of small businesses as they depend on these businesses for the sale of their goods.

[Anureet]

INTRODUCTION removal- death

BP 1: services for- services to

BAND SCORE: 4.5/6 Keep Writing!

[Gurleen]

The proliferation of supermarkets in rural and urban areas across the countries is seen as a major threat to the existence of local businesses. Some people believe that this extension of supermarkets will lead to an ultimate closure of local stores and I completely agree to this fact. Shutting down of local businesses will have detrimental impact on the livelihood of local communities.

On the one hand, supermarkets provide a platform to buy every household necessity under one roof resulting in a reduced need to visit many shops. They offer services such as customer support as well as after-sales service with better price discounts that attracts the costumers. Supermarkets have the potential to spend and thus make international products available to the local community. This is seen as a major boost to the economy as well. For instance, Walmart is a huge giant with almost all the international products that has been spending hugely on marketing and advertising its products.

On the other hand, small business owners are unable to compete with the larger franchises of international products due to the lack of funds. The small shops cannot also reduce the prices of their products beyond a certain point which is seen as a major drawback of visiting local shops these days. The stores may not also be self sufficient in meeting all the costumer needs and thus lose their market to the supermarkets. If the local stores are inefficient in meeting the local needs and thrive the competition, this guarantees that the local stores shut down.

In conclusion, although the growth of supermarkets will fuel the economic growth of the nations, the local businesses with the lack of resources will be adversely affected resulting in their closures.

[Anureet]

INTRODUCTION: agree to – agree with

BP 1: Don’t quote source name in the example

BP 2: larger- large

BAND SCORE: 4.5/6 Keep Writing!

[Madhumitha]

In some nations, owing to the fast growth of large businesses like supermarkets and malls, various small businesses find it difficult to thrive. A large number of people believe that shutting off such local business will cause destruction of local communities. I completely agree with this since absence of small businesses will greatly impact the livelihood of local workers and also makes life complicated for people who live at countryside.

Many people depend on the opportunities available in their local communities for their jobs, therefore closure of small business might result in them losing their jobs. This will result in an increase in social burden and the other related problems like poverty and illiteracy. A recent survey shows that on an average, 80% of people in many countries have their jobs based on local businesses. Hence, without these businesses people may have to face unemployment.

Furthermore, people living in countryside will find it very difficult to purchase their daily needs, since most large shops prefer to be established in cities. This will result in not only having to travel long distance to get their commodities , but also to pay more since items in such supermarkets would be expensive. For example, people living in villages rely solely on local stores for buying their household goods and products. Consequently, absence of small shops and business in countryside will make their life miserable.

In conclusion, although large supermarkets seems to provide people with more products and facilities, the closure of small businesses will affect the life of workers in the local community and also proves to be difficult and expensive for people living in countryside.

[Anureet]

INTRODUCTION: A large number of people: Some people

at countryside- in the countryside

BP 1: the other related- other

use example linking word before writing an example

CONCLUSION: proves- prove

BAND SCORE: 4/6 Keep Writing!

[Divyanshee]

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local businesses will bring about the death of local communities. I totally agree with the above mentioned statement. Although the supermarkets nowadays have almost each and everything available, be it a notebook or a soap, in the 21st century the world has advanced so much that getting everything a person wants is now possible at one single place.

Some few years back it was near to impossible to think about such invention of place where you can everything at one place but thanks to the advancement and invention of such ideas. The development of supermarkets sure has a great positive impact over the population in the world because it saves a lot of time and traveling expense but somewhere this development is affecting the local businesses and local communities. There are many communities especially the ones who live in the outskirts of the city, they are totally dependent on the local businesses for their livelihood. Local businesses provided a good number of employment to the local people of the area which we can’t see in case of supermarkets as the customers pickup what they need which therfore decreases the job opportunities for the people out there.

Supermarkets are very hard to compete with by the local businesses and therfore we can see a decline in the number of new business. Slowly and steadly people are being attracted towards the supermarkets and hence the local communities who are totally dependent on their small business for a living are close to collapse. Supermarkets offer a lot of discounts over the items. It’s a part of their marketing strategy, on the other hand the local markets cannot afford to do the same because of the small profit that they receive by selling the goods.

So to conclude, the spread of supermarket stores can bring about the closure of small market businesses. It will definitely affect the residents as these establishments are part and parcel of their daily lives.