[Nikita]

It is believed by some people that parents should motivate their children in participation of group activities during their free time. on the other hand, few people argue saying children should spend their free time on their own. In my opinion, group learning has more pros than self-learning.

To begin with, engaging in group activities can strengthen children’s social skills. Socializing with other people in the group can help children to learn team-work capabilities and they end up gaining confidence. For instance, motivating juveniles to enroll in activities like football, friendly competitions that can help them to acquire and gain skills required to cope with the pressure of working in groups and learning competing with others in a healthy manner. Furthermore, group activities are safe because they are always guided by a supervisor of the team. This helps them to be disciplined and it can be beneficial for them in the future.

On the other hand, when children are asked to keep themselves occupied on their own, they are more likely to spend their time playing video games and browsing the internet. While, this could have serious implications for their health and even in academic. Also, staying in front of the television or computer all day will hurt their social skills by isolating themselves. When children engage in group activities during free time, it shows improvement. However, currently this is not happening these days as kids prefer staying home playing video games and not leave their comfort zone.

To conclude, spending time in group activities can help children to develop skills of team work. However, if children are told to keep themselves busy on their own, they might just waste time by either playing video games or watching series.

[Agalya]

In this era of digital revolution, which becomes necessary for children? To develop their social skills by participating in group activities or to boost creativity by occupying themselves on their own? To answer a question of this kind, it is important to address both aspects.

Parents are rightfully concerned about the future of their children and want them to make use of their free time as productively as possible. Participating in group activities along with others of the same age group would develop the much required social skills necessary in almost any career. Children would not only get opportunities to display leadership but also might get an idea of how to conduct themselves in a group. These behaviours would transform them into better employers and employees. When children approach a certain problem as a group, they would be able to think out of the box and provide a wonderful solution as many ideas would take form during discussions. Many fields require professionals to be a part of a group and come up with revolutionary ideas and developing these skills from childhood obviously means better opportunities in the long run!

Now coming on to the other aspect, is it good for children to occupy themselves on their own? There are many life changing hobbies that children can take up on their free time. Having many skills apart from the standard requirements will provide children with a better advantage in this competitive world. Many of the world’s leading companies suggest professionals to take up courses that would boost their creativity and research shows that this was extremely beneficial to both the company and the employees. Having mentioned this, wouldn’t it be amazing if we start nurturing creativity right from the beginning? To do so, children must spend some time alone and discover what they are passionate about and pursue it. This would also make children more stronger and independent.

Here’s the important question: So what exactly is better? Research claims that those who strike the right balance between their time alone and being in a group are better when it comes to productivity. Why is this important? Children should have more freedom to decide what to do with their free time. During their time alone they can come up with their original ideas and in group discussions they would get the opportunity to learn new ones. Their preferences will be different and changing routines would allow them to enjoy the activities they are involved in. So parents should allow for flexibility when it comes to deciding what their children should do in their free time.

[Shahbaz]

This essay is too long. Although, there is no upper word limit (250 is the minimum), it is not a good idea to exceed it by such a wide margin. Firstly, we might make more mistakes. Secondly, our ideas may lose focus or relevance and this would affect our ‘Task Response’ score.

“In this era of digital revolution, which becomes necessary for children?”

This is what we call a rhetorical question. They are not recommended in an IELTS essay.

I believe a better understanding of ‘Task Response’ and paragraph structure would help you make your essays more concise and efficient. Your grammar and vocabulary do not show any serious errors.

[Shahbaz]

Do not use the exclamation mark in an IELTS essay.

To sum up, I would say that you did a good job with grammar and vocabulary. It is clear to see that you are able to express yourself well and also proofread what you’ve written. However, the main problems are with task response (the ideas sometimes lose focus) and internal paragraph structure.

Essay Score : 4.5/6

[Shahbaz]

Essay score : 4.5/6