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Writing Task 2: Problem -solution (life expectancy)
In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.
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36 Replies
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In the developing world, the technologies are also developing be it with respect to the industrial or medical field. Despite the fact that these advancements are bringing in a lot of space for a better standard of living, it is coupled with potential problems.
To name a few of these problems in a broader view, as a country’s economy, on the whole, we can notice the trends of the increased population with people above 60 years of age. This is an issue because when we look at the average age of the active workforce, it would come between 23-40 years of age and in some cases more. With the increase in the life span of people that come out of this estimated range, the instability of the economy increases. The government depends on the people to a huge extent for its growth and since old-aged people (above 60) are in their fragile age, they can not contribute at their best and turn out to be a negative side of the coin instead. Not only are they lacking the ability to contribute but they also require a lot of the investment made on them by the government and even their family. The older one gets the more medical attention they require. Hence, they require a considerable amount of medical and emotional attention. Also increasing the population size, in turn increasing supply demands. The drawbacks form a chain reaction.
When it comes to the solutions to these problems, talking specifically about economical drawbacks the government can introduce policies to increase the retirement age because we can see there are ample amount of jobs that fit old-aged people profile. Government can put forward policies to make life and health insurance a must for old aged people, this way the individuals will have a backup in extreme situations. One other solution could be better and more investment or special policies in the healthcare sector which can help not only the older citizens but also other people.
To conclude, the rising life expectancy can be good news for a lot of people to see from an emotional point of view but it could also lead to a number of issues for the country on the whole. Structured planning and advocating of solutions by an individual and also the government can save the country from a downfall.
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Introduction : It should not be just the background related to topic , but paraphrasing , thesis and outline statement needs to be there
the older one gets the more medical attention they require (they require more medical attention)
The older one gets the more medical attention they require. Hence, they require a considerable amount of medical and emotional attention. : Avoid being repetitive by just rephrasing the structure.
Feedback : Use cohesive devices to add more clarity . No example found
Band : 2.5/6
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With the development of technology and medical science, the life expectancy of people is increasing gradually. Though some people consider it as an improvement in human well-being, it has huge adverse effects to the world. We need to take strict measures like balancing human population. This essay will discuss the problems associated with increase in life expectancy and solutions to reduce the impact of aging population.
Firstly, the rise of life expectancy causes demand in human resources, jobs and also economy. Every people suffers from lack of facilities due to increase in population. For instance, there is more than the required candidates available for a job offer. Likewise, in hospital, school, industries demand increases due to excessive population. By this way people suffering economically and also the growth of nation deteriorates.
Moreover, the unbalanced birth and death rate leads the society to face poverty and slowdown the country growth . As a result of poverty, Crime and illegal activities rising in the nation. The old aged people also suffers due to lack of medical facilities as demand increases.
I suggest that the government should introduce more pension and medical insurance facilities to overcome from such crisis. Strict measures can be implemented to control child birth to reduce the problems of aging in society.
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Feedback : Avoid personal pronouns especially in introduction
Every people ( is wrong usage as every is singular in usage)
By this way people (are) suffering
By this way people suffering economically and also the growth of nation deteriorates.(maintain parallelism; either keep both ideas in continuous form or indefinite)
Solutions (as asked in question ) should be in distinct paragraph , not in conclusion.
stick to Task-2 structure.
Work on sentence structure
Band : 2/6
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In the first world countries, the average population of older citizens is higher. The major reason for this is the advancement in the medical field and the increased funding from government in the health sector. Few suggestions that can be implemented by the authorities to tackle this problem.
Firstly, when the life expectancy improves, it has a direct impact on people and its communities. The government will have to build more old age homes to accommodate the rising population of elderly. This will result in more expenditure from authorities which will lead to economic burden on the nation. Secondly, individuals will have to bare the additional expenses from their pocket to take care of the aged and invest time for their treatment. Thirdly, as the population will increase this will decrease the national budget for education, sports and others sectors since authorities have to keep aside a major percent of the budget for health sector.
There are certain steps that the decision makers can take to address this rising issue of the aged. Mainly focusing on reducing the pension of senior citizens will lessen the burden on government. Besides this, they can also think on revising the retirement age and offer some post retirement plans so that they can engage themselves in some income generation work. This will eventually support in nation building and the aged group’s motivation levels will rise.
In conclusion, if the authorities consider these suggestions of introducing post retirement plan and re look at the retirement age, the government should not worry about the economy of the country.
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Introduction could be more in adherence with question as it demands problems , not reasons
individuals will have to bare (bear) the additional
Introduce the argument and develop it fully; move on to next one rather than rephrasing it repeatedly
Work on Grammatical range and sentence structures.
Band: 2.5/6
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devloped (developed)
we will discuss ( this essay will discuss)
curb ( tackle) this issue
Topic sentence of B.P 1 is highlighting the causes of aging population ( question is what problems are arising due to this)
some of the words are not legible, handwriting should be clear.
Example in B.P 1 is missing
The problem can be solved by immigrating people (migrating)
Feedback : The answer is not what question is demanding.
Band: 2.5/6
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This answer is to some other question , for feedback please check the right link.
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Nowadays , more people expect to live more than ever before . In many countries around the globe , average life expectancy is rising, due to this development ,personal and social problems increase, but there are some solutions that could help.
As people live longer , the populations grow older and several issues can be expected. One of the first issue is a huge burden on the taxpayers . Governments have to assign more money towards the pension scheme and medical care, in order to ensure the survival of the senior citizens. This could be possible only by deduction additional tax from working community . Nowadays, the proportion of younger , working adults is smaller , and authorities will therefore receive less money in taxes in relation to the size of population .
However, it is important to solve these problems . Firstly , the governments should set a law on retirement age. Secondly ,by encouraging immigration in order to increase the number of working adults who pay taxes .This is because in many countries fertility rate is declining every year , so it is complicated to have young generation who can work efficiently . For instance , this scheme is successfully used in Belgium , where governments invites students to have bachelors or master’s degree and then , continue to stay and work here .
In conclusion , the increase in life expectancy in the world leads to certain issues for the governments and for the young individuals. Nevertheless, by drafting a new law on retirement age and by promoting immigration will help to mitigate the impacts of the aging community.
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This could be possible only by deduction (deducting) additional tax from working community . Surprisingly, Nowadays, the proportion of younger , working adults is smaller , and authorities will therefore receive less money in taxes in relation to the size of population
Example in body paragraph is missing.
But appreciate the improvement and indeed essay is well-written
Band: 4.5/6
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Nowadays, humans’ longevity has dramatically improved than before. There have been two major problems to people and communities, and there are several solutions to mitigate the problems like less tax gen ad increased unemployment. This essay will discuss o the less tax generation owing to more unemployment.
With the increase in life expectancy, there are several problems associated with it. Firstly the huge burden on the taxpayers. In order to take necessary care of the senior citizens of the country, they are forced to pull more funds for medical care and pension schemes. For example, in countries like Canada, the government encourages more and more immigration due to the fact that the majority population are older people, with easier immigration policies more youngsters are attracted to the country which in turn increases the number of taxpayers.
However, it is important to tackle these issues. One of the ways by which it can be solved is by providing opportunities to the older people which requires minimal manpower. For example in countries like Japan half of its working population are above the age of 60 and all are equal earing members of their families. Another solution is setting certain laws on retirement age. Lastly, there should be more opportunities given to the young adults that can assure them benefits if they stay in the country.
In conclusion, the improvement in overall life expectancy in the world leads to certain issues for the governments and for the young individuals. Thereby, ensuring a proper set of retirement policies as well as more benefits for the young individuals can in turn help lighten the burden on the government.
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example in B.P 1, seems most suitable for solution paragraph
One of the ways by which it can be solved is by providing opportunities to the older people which requires minimal manpower. ( One of the ways by which it can be solved is by providing opportunities that requires minimal manpower to the older people)
second and third solution in B.P 2 , are not fully developed
Band: 3/6
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In today’s era, the expected life of an individual is globally increased. Due to Global movement in all the sectors like health, social, economic and education the old, aged people population is increasing. There are a few factors we need to take care of so that we can manage our old-age people population.
Firstly, old age needs to be more independent on their finance so that they can take care of their bills after retirement. For this problem, we need to improve the pension plan with the help of government and private sector policies companies. Example increase the limitation of age on the pension plan. If pension plan starts from the age of 60 till 65, it should be more than 65 onwards. If pension plan policies change with numbers on the age it will also increase the interest rate which also boosts the economic status of the country and tax system. It will help the country in one or another way. It will also help people to think to grow the number of investments instead of spending money on unwanted items.
Another problem, we are facing is a dependency on resources for old-age individuals. As old people cannot take care of themself, they need one or another person to help them with all the work. Sometimes it is a family member or some health department person. They keep occupied one individual. To overcome this issue automation industries, need to come up with a solution that takes of aged individuals more effectively, like Robot.
Robot work on voice control. The person needs to give a command to the robot to perform the action example cook food following a dish for me or help me to sit on the sofa. In this pandemic era from 2019, my aged people suffered from many challenges, and they all were not allowed to leave their places because they were at high risk of virus intake and spread. To support this challenge where no one allowed to come near them if one Robot were there, they wouldn’t face stress, loneliness, or help which they did the most for their daily chore.
Recapitulation to support an increased population with high life expectancy, the Government and private sectors need to work together to improve the supportive structure for aged people. It is fact, we cannot reduce the population however we need to build and plan our future for the better so that we reduce the burden on other people and take of ourselves.In today’s era, the expected life of an individual is globally increased. Due to Global movement in all the sectors like health, social, economic and education the old, aged people population is increasing. There are a few factors we need to take care of so that we can manage our old-age people population.
Firstly, old age needs to be more independent on their finance so that they can take care of their bills after retirement. For this problem, we need to improve the pension plan with the help of government and private sector policies companies. Example increase the limitation of age on the pension plan. If pension plan starts from the age of 60 till 65, it should be more than 65 onwards. If pension plan policies change with numbers on the age it will also increase the interest rate which also boosts the economic status of the country and tax system. It will help the country in one or another way. It will also help people to think to grow the number of investments instead of spending money on unwanted items.
Another problem, we are facing is a dependency on resources for old-age individuals. As old people cannot take care of themself, they need one or another person to help them with all the work. Sometimes it is a family member or some health department person. They keep occupied one individual. To overcome this issue automation industries, need to come up with a solution that takes of aged individuals more effectively, like Robot.
Robot work on voice control. The person needs to give a command to the robot to perform the action example cook food following a dish for me or help me to sit on the sofa. In this pandemic era from 2019, my aged people suffered from many challenges, and they all were not allowed to leave their places because they were at high risk of virus intake and spread. To support this challenge where no one allowed to come near them if one Robot were there, they wouldn’t face stress, loneliness, or help which they did the most for their daily chore.Recapitulation to support an increased population with high life expectancy, the Government and private sectors need to work together to improve the supportive structure for aged people. It is fact, we cannot reduce the population however we need to build and plan our future for the better so that we reduce the burden on other people and take of ourselves.
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In today’s era, the expected life of an individual is globally increased. Due to Global movement in all the sectors like health, social, economic and education the old, aged people population is increasing. There are a few factors we need to take care of so that we can manage our old-age people population. (Introduction is mentioning the reasons , I would advise to mention the problems and respective solution in outline and thesis statement)
I would suggest to write problems and solutions distinctively in B.P 1 and B.P 2 respectively.
As old people cannot take care of themself, (themselves)
B.P 3, on robots seems way too elaborated , main points could be covered in B.P 2.
Follow the essay structure as discussed in the class.
At times, certain sentences found to have lack of cohesion and tend to generalize the things
Keep writing!!
Band: 2.5/6
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danger bells are ringing continuously on growing population of oldsters across the globe. Might be revolution in medicine or people-friendly government decisions led people to be in more comfort zone to live more than ever before. Due to this there is a lots of burden on shoulders of government of every country challenging their economic , social , finance, medical standards . even then some shot of control measures could be implemented as a trail run
As par senior citizens are concern . Government has to review its medical and economic policy every year and has allocate separate budget for them . Growing population of veterans effects the gross domestic product of a countries. per capita income spent on every oldsters by a country will be off exhaust . every time government has to look for a caretaker or provide a oldage homes or pensions for them. When a situation like rescission occurs means, this can leads to collapse in economy of a country.
For to avoid this situation. Governments should review their policy on retirement age in public and private sectors. it should provide super numeric seats for experts in them in their respective domain so as to have people friendly policy. providing pension scheme at early 60’s and promoting self help groups among them and providing them ease of doing business with small loans. provision of volunteer service retirement . giving age-relaxation for applying jobs and continue their studies could enhance positive factor.
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danger (Danger) bells
Due to this there is a (are) lots of burden on shoulders of government
As par (per) senior citizens are concern . (,) Government has to review
Growing population of veterans effects (affects) the gross domestic product –
instead of using “oldster” repeatedly “elderly” can be used.
Coherence and cohesion has been clearly observed.
No example found and more importantly, conclusion is missing in the essay.
Band: 3/6
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Hi Ma’am,
Please review my essay below :
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As per the current scenario, life span of people raised gradually because of Technological advancements in Medical field. Due to which there is a direct impact on tax payers income , this essay will discuss both down sides and solutions to reduce burden on younger people.
Increase in life span of people is a good sign. However, people tend to have more health complications when they age resulting for governments to spend higher budget on medical infrastructure this will impact on National economy. For instance, a survey was conducted by Time Now shows government spent more money on health budget in the given pandemic.
Authorities need to take few initiatives to keep life easier for tax payers. Firstly medical policies should be made mandate. Secondly income sources for older communities needs to be created, this will reduce pressure on tax payers and economy can boost. General fitness activities for should be implemented in there daily routine to keep them fit. For example Nature Journal published fit people are less prone to injuries.
To wind up there are few demerits associated with increase in life span, but proper planning from authorities can be a good sign for National economy.
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It is true that people in developed countries can expect to live longer than ever recorded previously. Although this tendency is likely going to have some negative implications, societies can take steps to reduce these possible issues
To begin, let us examine the factors that contributed to its growth. The first reason is that there is a deficiency in population planning. To illustrate, the country’s statistical officials failed to estimate the individual’s life expectancy and the number of young and old people by year. The second element is early retirement. In conclusion, this impacts their living expenditures, the tax burden never diminishes as one ages, and the absence of the younger generation results in a direct decrease in the tax receivable amount, making it impossible for the government to sustain pension systems or any further support schemes.
To address this grave situation, the respective state authorities can take a number of measures. To begin, the authority can raise the retirement age to a level that is compatible with an individual’s financial sustainability. To illustrate, if the retirement age is raised to 62, the ordinary middle-class family can afford to split tax-paying income while also planning for their family’s financial survival. Additionally, the state may invite young immigrants from other regions of the world, particularly poor nations. This would achieve a balance between taxpayers and pension recipients, so balancing the socioeconomic system. This will also provide many possibilities for the younger generation to develop their settlements, thereby balancing the populations of the various old age groups.
In conclusion, this issue has undoubtedly become a hot topic in some wealthy countries. As a result, resolving this is not a simple process if we do not take the appropriate approach at the appropriate moment. Governments and individuals should work cooperatively to address this complicated issue in a structured manner.
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In this era, science and technology has grown rapidly which impacts profoundly increase the age of human being. This essay will first suggest that biggest cause by this phenomenon is the financial trouble for individual and burden for pension on the government and then argue that awareness about the saving and provide more opportunity to locals and foreigners are the most viable solution.
First of all, it is essential to keep body healthy and active, but due to long age it also creates problems on personal and nation level. Firstly, there is a government rule to get retired on the age of 60, but most of the person face issue due to lack of saving, because of high standard life and cost of living they could not survive with limited money. Secondly, if a plethora of person get retired at the same time, it also creates burden on the government for pay pension to them, because shortage of workforce could not generate the revenue which directly effect on the economy. For instance, nowadays in the Germany 60% population has got retired from their work so as per the rule, authority has to provide social security to their citizen but absence of the money in their locker, they could not provide to everyone which is the biggest trouble for aged people.
On the other hand, possible solutions would be to teach financial education at the early age is helpful to store money for the later age, because parents and teachers provide only education of language, science and mathematics but they should also emphasis on the financial freedom. Moreover, authority should create new opportunities in the market for the local and overseas folks from where they get more taxes, which they can use for the retirement schema. For example, Canadian government could not afford the pension to their local in the 2012, so they launched a project to attract the expatriates, and they got success to came out from the recession period and increased the collection of taxes for the civilization.
To conclude, difficulty of financial trouble at old age and burden of retirement on authority could be solve through provide education of finance to students in the school and colleges and make investment by authority in the new technology to create job opportunities for locals and foreigners for economical stability.
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In contemporary era, life expectancy and birth mortality has been shoot up due to development. However, there are some challenges raised as a side effect of growth. For instance, ageing inhabitants creating huge financial burden to the country. This essay will explain issues and measures which government and individual should take for mitigate the problem.
Firstly, the predominant issue is increasing number of retired people in the country. The authority has to give pension to these for longer period. As a result, Government has to keep large budget aside for supporting these, causing big dent in their fund. Moreover, Ministry is increasing mandatory contribution from younger generation that is tax whether they are employees or businessmen, affecting individual’s personal life. Secondly, older generation depends upon their children, younger people have to spend large amount of money and time in supporting them medically. Additionally, they are not able to concentrate over work and explore their capabilities to do extra work.
Although there are so many solutions for this problem, first is Government can increase retirement age for the older people so that they can support themselves. In addition to that immigration process can be made easy so that old age people can shift to developed nations. For example many developed countries are providing free healthcare and basic income for senior citizens which can help in reducing burden to the underdeveloped countries
In conclusion, rise in the age period has many side effects to the society. However, it can be controlled by implementing some rules and regulations to relief this issue in some extend.
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should take for (to) mitigate the problem.
raised as a side effect of (this) growth.
For instance (like) , ageing inhabitants creating huge financial burden to the country.
Additionally (hence), they are not able to concentrate over work and explore their capabilities to do extra
work.
In addition to that(,) immigration process can be made easy
For example(,) many developed
issue in (to) some extend (extent)
Use cohesive devices carefully and be cautious with punctuation marks.
Keep writing!!
band: 4/6
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@fal Ma’am please assess mr essay
thank you!
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have had been facing ( you are supposed to use “present perfect continuous” here)
provided that is not a right usage here
“while” is expressing the contrast , there is no need to use “however”
campaigns regarding (what ?) )
Keep writing!!
Band; 4/6
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essay is not about “reasons” but “effects”
major problem(s)
as citizen(s) age
Secondly(,)
if people are able to retire,………,state pension will increase ( first conditional )
Need to work on grammatical range.
Keep writing!!
Band: 3.5/6
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@fal mam kindly review my writing task.
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scaracity (scarcity)
make a law for the (“the” is redundant here) controlling the population
essay is about how to mitigate the impact of ageing population , somehow this essay got inclined to ” solutions to the effects of increasing population, I believe it could be bit more aligned to the topic.
lexical resources need to be considered.
Keep writing!!
Band: 3.5/6
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In modern world, with the advancement of technology, the life expectancy of humans has increased significantly as compared to the past; however, it has caused various problems to the society. This essay will first suggest that the major problems caused by this issue are the increasing burden on healthcare system and lack of resources as well as argue that encouragement for volunteerism for elderly care and utilization of senior citizens are the most viable solutions.
To begin with, every nation ,whether it be developed or developing is facing the crisis of scarcity of health services. Consequently in the period of pandemic this causes issue in managing the affected public, especially the old aged individuals. In addition, amidst of it a dilemma is created on public health services to either treat the old and weak or the young abled ones. Secondly, as the population of senior citizens increases, the budget that government must provide for the retirement fund along with medical care also has to be increased, thereby creating a pressure on governments.
When it comes to solutions for these problems, campaigns to encourage the voluntary involvement of people to engage in helping the prominent healthcare workers should be carried out. For instance, during the pandemic period when there is need of taking care of mildly affected elder ones , non-affected persons can contribute by helping the nurses. Furthermore, the government could take steps to resolve the issue of lack of resources. One of the ways is to extend the age of retirement. Many countries have standard age of 55 to 60 years old, which can be extended to 60 to 65 years since their senior people are still in healthy and prime condition. Therefore, it would reduce the government social welfare budget for the retired people.
In conclusion, the world has developed a lot in recent years, and has positively impacted on the average life expectancy of people. However, this positive effect has also caused a lot of problems to the society, therefore it is necessary for governments to take some action to mitigate this issue.
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In this modern era, the life span of human being and the birth control rate of a child is growing in a large scale. Furthermore, there are few challenges to control and manage the population. This essay will analyse about to how to decrease the impact of ageing people. To begin with, if people live a longer life span then the population will rise older and it’s not a good sign for any country. One of the first issue, country will suffer from a high budget problem because of getting the pensioned to the retired people were increasing. It is a huge burden of tax payers. In today’s life the proportion of young people is fewer as compared to the olders and it is not a great stuff because the responsbility to run the nation is on the youth shoulder. On the other hand, it is to significant to solve the issue of birth control rate. First of all, the govt have to make and implement some strict laws like we two ours two. The second issue is to migrate the older people to european countries for a better quality of life. The main reason behind immigration of older people is the decline population of european countries like denmark, belgium, netherlands etc. If the older people shifted to european countries for living then they get the oppurtunity to explore the historical places to visit as a last wish. In conclusion, the increase in life expectancy in the world may occur several issues just like unemployment etc. for the nation. Moreover, it can controlled by spreading awareness and implementing some strict laws by government to followed by audiences.
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In the modern world, due to health care, science and technology advances, living conditions are significantly improved, leading to increased mortality rate . Though, it is a remarkable achievement, it does cause many adverse effects.
Firstly, with increase in elderly people, healthcare system faces increased pressure. Chronic illnesses like diabetes, heart problems and arthritis becomes more prevalent, requiring lot of medical care; thereby, results in increased medical costs and longer wait lines for medical care services.
Secondly, active workforce decreases, as most of the elderly people could no longer work because of their increased age and health decay. Also, elderly people faces social challenges like loneliness and mental health issues which further needs care and attention of loved ones and hence shrinks workforce more. Additionally, elderly has to be provided with pension and social security, which strains government economically. Also, there will be depletion of natural resources leading to ecosystem imbalance .
To overcome the adverse effects caused by increased life expectancy, government has to take few measures such as, Invest more In health care, improve medical services to ensure that demand will be met. Also, provide old age homes, to avoid elderly isolation and organizing communities, where elderly can gather and share their their invaluable experiences to youngsters, which helps them in excelling professionally and socially. Additionally, immigrating people from other countries will help in increasing work force.
In conclusion, increased mortality rate has adverse effects on society and government has to take appropriate measures like investing more in health care, developing old age communities and immigrating people from other countries to overcome the crisis.
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leading to increased mortality rate : mortality rate is number of deaths whereas the question is about high life expectancy ( faulty usage of lexical resources)
Though, it is a remarkable achievement, it does cause many adverse effects.
Please note: Grammatically, though is not the “right option” for the sentence because though is commonly used in a subordinate clause (Though I am hungry, I will not stop for lunch), in a participial phrase
increase in (number of) elderly people, healthcare system faces increased pressure
Chronic illnesses like diabetes, heart problems and arthritis becomes (have become) more prevalent
results (resulting) in increased medical
. Also, elderly people faces (face) social challenges like loneliness and mental health i
share their their invaluable experiences to ( with) youngsters
increased mortality rate h – ?
Feedback : there is need to work on grammatical range (repetitive sentence structures has been used) , faulty usage of lexical resources has been observed. Paragraphing should be done more precisely. There is ambiguity while presenting the idea .
Band : 2.5/6
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