[Sheeba]

In many countries, nowadays, few people shows interest to become teachers in secondary schools. This essay will discuss the cause and solution for this problem.

To begin with, the cause of the problem is teachers prefer working in government school to private school because of the pension scheme. Even though secondary school teachers does lot of work, their works are not valued. People in the field of Information Technology, Finance, Medicine, Manufacture and Government officials earn more than teachers. In case of promotion and progression, chances are less for teachers. In many schools, teacher’s incentives are based on the admission of the students. Rather than teaching, teachers are forced to do admin work. So next generation people does not have interested to work as a teacher.

In addition to that, the problem can be solved by increasing salary and hike for teachers. Government has to fix a basic salary for the teachers in secondary school and pension scheme has to be given for them. To encourage their work, they have to be rewarded with some awards and this will be encouraging for them to move forward in their career. Management should not involve teachers to do their admin work.

To conclude with, instead of service, teaching has become as a business. If this situation continues, it will affect the future of students. Teachers are the main pillars for each people’s identity. So teachers have to be rewarded for their work and the honor they receive will give perseverance towards their goal.

[Shahbaz]

* subject-verb agreement errors.

“school teachers does lot of work” (do a lot of work)

“people shows” (people show…)

* “the cause of the problem is teachers” (is that teachers…)

* I don’t think it is necessary to capitalize the first letter of fields such as ‘finance’ unless we are referring to them as a subject taught in school or university etc.

* “So next generation people does not have interested to work as a teacher.” ( are not interested to work as teachers …. or ‘does not have any interest in working as teachers)

4/6

[Yanshi]

In the recent times, very less people are driven towards pursuing teaching as an occupation, especially in secondary schools. Unlike past, a lot of young people are no longer interested in becoming a teacher, one of the most valuable professions that paves way for other professions. This essay will throw light on some of the probable causes and solutions for the same.

Teaching is one of the most dignified and noble professions, as it nurture young minds and molds them into something great. Yet, it is not given the value and dignity it deserves. In a lot of countries, teaching remains to be one of the most underpaid jobs. Unfortunately, people frequently fail to realize the worth of teachers, resulting in teachers being heavily underpaid and many a the times, asked to do absurd activities, holding no relevance to their work. Teachers not being provided with the worth they deserve, discourages people and drives them away from it.

Teaching as a career, has lost its charm and in order to restore it, the government need to take tremendous steps. The net salary and worth needs to be increased, to make sure that teachers get paid what they deserve. Children, from a young age, need to be taught to respect their teachers and hold them in high regards. Furthermore, educators are ought to be provided with certain incentives and awards of appreciation, from time to time, for the precious contribution they are making towards the society.

In conclusion, educators need to be payed the due respect and consideration from every citizen of the country because if it wasn’t for them, we wouldn’t have been able to accomplish our dreams.

[Shahbaz]

* Look up ‘less’ vs ‘few’.

* ” as it nurture young minds” (as it nurtures…)

* “teaching remains to be one of the most underpaid jobs” (‘to be’ is unnecessary. ‘teaching remains one of the…’ is sufficient. )

*”hold them in high regards” (please check ‘regard’ vs ‘regards’. I believe the correct expression is ‘hold in high regard)

5/6

[Mamta]

In the recent time, a few people want to choose their career as teacher, specially in secondary schools. Teaching was very popular among people in past time but now it becomes less likely to be seen as a career choice. This essay will discuss few problems which are faced by some when choosing teaching as a career option and also provide many suitable solutions for the same.

Teachers are backbone of a country’s growth. Good teachers provide great students that will be assets to the country, however they are not given enough salary as compare to other professions like engineers, doctors and bankers . Educators should be respected because they mold the children into a better person but in today’s time, children are not enough discipline and often misbehave with the teachers.Youngsters don’t understand the value of their teachers and frequently disrespect them. There are less career growth opportunities for educators as well.

Teaching has lost its value, in order to restore it, the wages of teachers should be increased. Some steps should be taken by government to provide better services to teachers like in term of career growth, salary and basic facility. Parents also teach their children some basic etiquettes for example, discipline and how to behave with educators.

To conclude, teachers should be given actual salary according to their work along with respect from everyone in the society because teachers make us human being and responsible. We learn lot of things from them whether they are related to study or general life. Teachers are the only one who are responsible for a child’s growth and his career.

[Shahbaz]

* When you wish to emphasize that only few people want to do something, ‘a few people..’ will not convey that idea fully.

“In the recent time, a few people want to choose their career as teacher” (In recent times, very few people want to chose a career in teaching)

* “in the past” is better than “in past time”

* “children into a better person” (children into better people / a child into a better person)

* Look up ‘less’ vs ‘fewer’

*”Parents also teach their children some basic etiquettes for example” (parents should also teach…)

Overall, I believe this essay had fewer errors than the ones I checked before. You could work a bit more on organizing the ideas and the conclusion paragraph.

4.5/6

[Swati14]

Presently, in some countries, very few people choose to teach as their profession, especially in high schools. This essay will first look at the reasons why this is happening, and then explore solutions for it.

The primary reason for this is that teachers get quite less compensation as compared to other professions. Mentors do a lot of effort to sharpen the career and skills of children, but in the end, they would not receive good salaries, due to which they usually switch to other fields and earn reasonable money. In Addition, nowadays, teachers are not respected by high school children, and students often misbehaved with teachers, and these kinds of learners are also sheltered by their parents.

To solve this problem, teachers should be empowered with some authority to ensure that discipline and decorum should be followed by high school children. Additionally, teachers are also entitled to get a good salary package as other people receive in different professions, which boost the morale of teachers, as well as enhance the gusto in them to do the best in their field. These steps also decrease the retrenchment in the education sector. To illustrate further, if teachers receive good compensation, it will automatically improve their enthusiasm towards teaching, and reduce the chances of turning away from their jobs.

In conclusion, fewer salaries are a crucial reason for decreasing the numbers of teachers, and those students, who are in high school, do not want to listen to their teachers and give respect to them anymore. Educators should have some power that able them to scold the high school children and make them follow all rules and regulations of the schools.

[Shahbaz]

* ‘mentor’ would not work as a synonym of ‘teacher’. It’s much more specific.

* ‘sharpen the career’ does not collocate well.

* “and students often misbehaved with teachers” (misbehave with their teachers)

* “fewer salaries” would be incorrect in this context. Please look up ‘few’ vs ‘less’ to see the difference.

* “Educators should have some power that able them to scold the high” (‘enable’ in the place of ‘able’ )

4/6

[Surekha]

In present times, in nations across the world, a dwindling number of people opt for teaching as a profession. The desire to teach at the secondary level is even less prevalent. The essay believes that the primary reasons for this phenomenon are the low-income levels of teachers and the declining respect they command in contemporary society. The essay elaborates upon these reasons and proposes solutions, followed by a logical conclusion.

In numerous countries, the lure of teaching among people has declined as their salaries that are given to them are incommensurate with the high-aspirational lifestyle of today’s youth. Salaries are far more lucrative in sectors such as legal, banking and engineering. Furthermore, there is an increasing trend among parents to interfere in their child’s schooling. The inputs of teachers in shaping the learning and personality of the students is often questioned by parents, who disagree with the instructional mode of teaching that is still prevalent in many institutions. The increasing commercialisation of education in many countries, including India, has meant that parents view learning as a commodity and the teacher as a mere seller of a product, who can be directed and in case of disagreement, even dispensed with.

The primary means of rectifying this problem is to hike the salary of teachers, so that the best minds can once again be attracted to this profession and teaching is no longer seen as a back-up career. Another way is to publicly recognise the contribution of good teachers. While the success of students is rewarded through certificates and medals, there is no similar recognition for teachers. Beyond the token respect accorded to them on Teachers’ Day, there is a need to highlight their positive efforts in catering to a diverse body of students and helping each of them attain par.

In conclusion, it can be said that the lustre of teaching should be enhanced by remedying the situation vis-à-vis the low incomes offered to them as well as acknowledging their contribution to a child’s success.

[Shahbaz]

Task Achievement : This essay addresses all parts of the task with relevant, well-developed points.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy : A range of sentence types has been used naturally with no structural errors. ( or rather none that I could detect)

Coherence and Cohesion : The essay is divided into paragraphs, each with a central idea. The sequencing of ideas is also easy for the reader to follow.

Vocabulary: There is an impressive range.

There are a few word choices (only a few) that I am not sure of. e.g. “lustre of teaching” I believe that you would normally end up using a sufficient range of words in your essay. I would not take any ‘risks’ with words that I am not sure of.

5.5/6