Student Anureet
StudentForum Replies Created
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To what extent do you agree? Please
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Introduction- lack in giving punishment- lack of
Thesis statement does not have main points
Bp1- one of the main reason- main reasons
Dont quote source in your example amd don’t use continuous tense unnecessarily
Bp 2- criminals should provide- should be
Police are- Police is- Police is always singular
Note: Need to work on your thoughts and clarity. You will improve gradually.
Band Score- 2.5/6
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opening statement: with regards to- in response to the advertisement posted for the requirement..
BP 1: looked forward- not required
BP2: to the psychology: in understanding the mindset of kids
BP2: studying: be studying
BAND SCORE:4/6 Add more details. Keep writing!
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INTRODUCTION: other- others
good developing- developing
soft skills are- soft skills is
Thesis statement- state main points clearly
BP 1: individual have- has
them- him
bring- brings
their- his
BP 2:
uplift- enhances
factual- theoretically
to where- where
enter directly- start working directly
in jobs- in different sectors
give- gives
for instance- For instance
continued- continue
advance their- advance in their
professional- professional qualification
filed of doctors and teachers- like in the field of medicine and teaching
untrained- unskilled person
Conclusion :
life a – live a
will- can
make balance- make a balance
to him/her- for him/her
change- chance
BAND SCORE: 3/6 Keep writing!
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Introduction: paraphrase it clearly
is to train- is by training students
Agree To- agree with
This essay will- do not write this sentence as it doesn’t add anything extra instead write a clear thesis statement with main points
BP 1: old days: olden days
One of the main factors are- only include one main point
If you have more points write the main factors are
Routines- routine
Patterns- pattern
Factor- responsible for becoming obese
Exercises- exercise
For example- it is very common use other example linkers
example, Majority- example, majority
BP 2: prosper- strengthen
schooling- school days
exposed- habitual
in outdoor- outdoors
Physical activity hours- long hours of physical activity
knowledge- incorrect word choice- improved health
Conclusion- sum up main points more clearly
Band Score: 3/6 Keep writing!
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Introduction: paraphrase the question statement
believes- believe
the evry- every
leads- lead
write a clear thesis statement with main points
BP 1: the people’s – people’s
affinity to- affinity for
at international- at an international
BP 2: lead to disappearance- lead to the disappearance
in it- in them
in the world- of the world
Conclusion: use a conclusion linker
the one- one
groom-grooms
be completely losing- completely lose
summarise the main points clearly
BAND SCORE: 3.5/6 Keep writing!
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Introduction- variety- a variety
Do not include this essay will line. Instead write a clear thesis statement incorporating the main points
BP 1: has play- has played
ease of communication- rephrase or write providing ease of communication
Intutiveness- intuitiveness
Of their popularity- for their popularity
and anytime- and at any time
For an instance- For instance
have now- has now
BP 2: the online- online
By meeting- Meeting
Chatting them- chatting with them
the identity- identity
Issues- issue
became- become
Issues in virtual- issue
Interactions- interaction
chances- chance
Conclusion- have their- has their
Judicially- judiciously
Band Score: 3/6 Keep writing!
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INTRODUCTION: It is argues- rephrase it
finest- most effective
BP 1: introduced- taught
teaches- teach
long life morals- life long moral values
physical confidence- body positivity
chronic and severe- write either chronic or severe
in the adulthood- in adulthood
BP 2: stress- strain or pressure
higher- the higher
correlative comparative is correct- GOOD
Conclusion- more of exercise- focus on exerise
BAND SCORE: 4/6. Good. Keep writing!
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Introduction- carrer- career
Proficiency- proficiency in skills
Good career prospects- a good career prospect
BP 1: easier- easy
Institutional degree- degree
The other- others
One of the key factor- factors
Correlative comparative is correct- Good
BP 2:
In squad: in a squad
Conclusion- summarise the main points
Band Score:3.5/6 Keep writing!
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INTRODUCTION: number growth- growth
obese- obesity
pleople- people
lead- led
would strained- would get strained
a important- an important
Although- erroneous complex sentence
work on paraphrasing and thesis statement
BP 1: have been- have
become- became
especially those- especially for
BP 2: start- started
habbit- habit
and it is a habit- when it becomes a habit
reduces- it reduces
put- manage
Reducing the higher calories of food- lowering the intake of calories
exercise help- exercise can help
exercise- exercising
Conclusion: changing- change
in to overweight- to become overweight
activities on daily- activity on a daily
BAND SCORE: 3/5 Keep writing!
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Introduction: paraphrased only half of the question
include main points in the thesis statement
BP 1: teens- teenagers
boost- boosts
which- and
such job- job
Conclusion- use conclusion liners instead of to summarise
the conclusion is clearly written
BAND SCORE: 4.5/6 Good job. Keep writing!
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Introduction- believed- believe
Paraphrase clearly
Valuable- important
BP 1: help- can help in
Easier- easily
show- shows
significant- significance
Are required- is required
performing- perform
courses- companies
Equip- incorrect word choice
Prospectice- prospective
Persuasive- persuasion
can take you to the position- can help one in becoming a leader
Working- work
Conclusion- summarise main points more clearly
Band Score: 3/6 Keep writing!
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Introduction: many-some
qualification- degree
a better- better
soft skills are- is
in the job- for the job
BP 1: better- redundantly used
majority- a majority
the one’s degree- one’s degree
doctor or teachers- doctors
For more clarity- unnecessary
MBBS- an
BP 2: better- lucrative
result into- results
trained- a trained
For instance- already used in BP 1- substitute take for example
major- required
BP 3: communications- communication
Conclusion: will always- can professionally boost- rephrase our career
BAND SCORE: 4.5/6 Good work. Keep writing!
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Effect is correct
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Introduction- also problems later on life- rephrase it
BP 1: that can arise that people socialising- that can arise when people socialize
Whereas- include this clause with the previous sentence
reserved- secluded
BP 2: as a result people will get depressed- you have already included this point in the previous paragraph
Write a complete body paragraph 2. Dont leave line in between for second point which started from secondly
fake information- identities
Trap in- get trapped in
Monitoring it- monitor it
Protecting- protect
Conclusion- sum up main points
Band Score:3/6 Keep working!
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Introduction: written nicely
BP 1: contacting: communicating with
in real- reality
who lives- live
nearby- in neighborhood
the plethora- a plethora
result- results
therefore, living- therefore, they live
BP 2: on- in front of
due to the – due to lack
leads to negative- may lead to
the judicious- judicious
BAND SCORE: 5/6 Keep it up!
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Introduction: lifestyles- lifestyle
large number of- many
more of an- an
write thesis statement with main points
BP 1: platform for: platform to
videos to- videos with
with ease- easily
These points- do not include words like these points
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INTRODUCTION: paraphrase the question statement
Universal Language- punctuation mistake- universal langauage
Include thesis statement
BP 1: easing communication- collocation mistake- effective communication
a language- language
a world – world
BP 2: one’s native- include a relevant word after native for clarity
considered the- that the
who may- may
BAND SCORE: 3/6 Keep working!
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INTRODUCTION: travels- travel
include paraphrase and thesis statement
BP 1: local history place- rephrase this line
Incorrect complex sentence
BP 2: loss of- loss
countries has- have
same and similar- similar
Conclusion: summarise the main points
BAND SCORE: 2.5/6 Keep working!
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Introduction: Don’t include question statement in intro instead write a thesis statement stating the main points
BP 2: one of the most important disadvantage- disadvantages- always include a plural term after one of the
replacements to- of
one of the longest history- rephrase this line
loses their meaning- will result in a loss of their meaning
BAND SCORE: 4.5/6 KEEP WORKING!
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Introduction- work on paraphrasing
if want to- if one wants to
Include thesis statement instead of the complex sentence
Rampant- incorrect word choice- spread rapidly
obligatory- mandatory
communicate to- communicate with
Oral- omit this word
Burry- bury
Conclusion- to good- good
Band score-3/6 Keep working
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INTRODUCTION: paraphrase the question statement
enormous- incorrect word choice
BP 1: these days have- has
selling- are selling
tends- tend
to use them- and use it
In addition to- incorrect usage of linking word
becoming internet worn- and become internet worm
BP 2: no idea- have no idea
no close and- have no close
has a whole- as a whole
never had met- they have never met
or in the near- or shall meet
Conclusion- individual- individuals
BAND SCORE: 4/6 Keep working
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Introduction- paraphrase the question statement, include the main points in your thesis statement
BP 1: will be avoided- can be avoided- use the modal verb to show the possibility
unison- incorrect word choice
thus is used twice- shows redundancy
BP 2: Avoid using for example as it is quite common- use for instance or take for example
be even knowing- even know
will be happening- can happen
Conclusion- just sum up your main points
BS: 4/6 Keep Working.
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BP 1- Rephrase this line with however
BP 2- stay away- incorrect collocation- write: refrain from committing more crimes
prevent them taking- prevent them from taking
towards crime- not required
use synonyms of committing crimes where possible
Conclusion- while coming out- substitute once they have served their punishment
eventually, be decreased- eventually decrease
Note: You have done a good job but this essay requires a little bit of fine tuning
Band Score- 4/6
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Introduction-authorities solve- authorities to solve. Follow method 1 of introduction- Paraphrase+ thesis statement otherwise the chance of committing mistakes increases
BP 1- as a result- rephrase this line as-as a result, prisoners take their punishment casually
however end up line has mistakes.
