[Dipinder]

Opening line along with paraphrased topic sentence is requisite in intro

On receiving the present you gave TO me on my birthday

Thank you for the watch you gave TO me – {this sentence is repeating. You wrote this similarly in intro, pls paraphrase it}

Either write – the best thing about it is, or the best thing THAT i like about it is, { add comma after is}

HEADPHONES always plural like scissors/pants

HEADPHONES, Which is also very special TO ME, as…

As i was thinking to buy one FOR many days – { write planning instead of thinking}

It was one of the best birthdays i ever had – it was one of the best birthdays i have ever had or it was one of the best birthdays of my life

Then went FOR shopping with my family.

YOU HAVE TO USE CONTRACTIONS WHEREVER POSSIBLE IN INFORMAL LETTER. – i’m/i’d

USE PUNCTUATIONS WHERE NECESSARY

YOU HAVE MADE SIMPLE SENTENCES, USE COMPLEX SENTENCES TO SHOW GRAMMATICAL RANGE

STRUCTURE OF THE LETTER IS FINE, JUST IMPROVE THE INTRO, WHICH I HAVE ALREADY MENTIONED ABOVE

WRITE ONLY FIRST NAME IN THE END IN INFORMAL LETTER

1.5/3

[Dipinder]

Intro and BP1 needs to be separately written, which you have merged.

Write only opening line and paraphrased topic sentence/purpose of writing letter in intro. Then expand 1st bullet point in a new paragraph which will become BP1.

Convey my special THANKS to you

That you have gifted TO ME on my special day, which made my birthday more special AND that is all because of you. Dont use AMPERSAND- & in any writing section, it’s not a contraction but a symbol.

I can’t express my GRATITUDE ENOUGH for receiving this gift. (PLS MAKE SURE TO REVISE YOUR WRITING AFTER COMPLETING)

Its like world is tied TO my wrist

Everything is on fingertips.

Flamboyant LOOKS of the watch LURES ME TOWARDS IT

Gifted me Iphone 12 Pro, as it was my 21st birthday.

What else COULD i want, it felt as if i was on cloud 9

My besties ARRANGED a PARTY HALL FOR GET TOGETHER in one of the LONAVALA’S RESORTS for birthday bash. – { make the first sentence past, you wrote it in present tense}

Our entire group was there BUT YOU or EXCEPT YOU. {DONT USE BUT AND EXCEPT TOGETHER}

WE SPENT WHOLE DAY IN THE POOL, where we played lots of games, followed by….. and enjoyment for THE entire night.

Memorable birthday celebration I ever had in my life.

I really missed you or you were really missed on that occasion

BOTTOM OF MY HEART sounds lame and a remembered phrase

Either take care or cheers should be used not both of them, followed by comma

And finally first name(which you have rightly written)

Structure needs to be worked upon. Many sentences could have been made complex but you wrote simple sentences in all the places which shows that you lack in grammatical range.

1/3

[Dipinder]

Try writing paraphrased topic question/purpose of writing after opening line in intro.

Smart watch gift which is one of the best present i have… – Smart watch as a gift, which is one of the best PRESENTS i have…

Avoid using words such as ACTUALLY/BASICALLY on the first place and if you have to, then use comma after actually

Actually, YOUR presence during the celebration meant a lot, EVEN more than THE gift TO ME.

Use comma after HOWEVER

HOWEVER, i really appreciate your choice of watch, the colour, DESIGNER STRAP, STYLISH DIAL, which has mesmerised me and makes me feel proud to show it to everyone

Ever since you presented the watch to me, i’ve been wearing it all the time.

I’ve received more than twelve OVERWHELMING gifts for my birthday, out of those, i found a book on Greek incent most exciting since, it’s getting more interesting as i’m reading it.

(I couldnt find the meaning of word INCENT, that could make sense in above sentence)

ALTHOUGH, it was a busy day, i enjoyed… USE COMMA AFTER ALTHOUGH

spending quality time with family in the morning, followed by- Dont use AND, use COMMA before followed by because you are using AND again in the sentence later

Begin new sentence from before you joined

But at least we enjoyed DANCING together after cake cutting. By adding AT LEAST you will make clear that during dancing your friend was present along with others.

Thanks again for an adorable surprise gift. {either write this way or WRITE either of surprise or present}

I recommend to use any fictitious FIRST name instead of ZZ OR XYZ

rest structure of letter is perfect, along with above mentioned corrections, do work on punctuations, they are worth marks

1.5/3

[Dipinder]

Many a person postulates that cars are ideal mode of transport for cities, while others assert that bicycles should be preferred to travel. Cars are quick to keep the pace with the fast city lifestyle and can be used by more than one person to travel from one place to another, whereas bicycles are a healthy option. In my opinion, cars are most viable option to travel while living in a city.

There are multiple reasons, why proponents of cars favour the latter. Firstly, because cars are swift. In other words, keeping pace with the fast city life is a requisite to survive in suburbs, where denizens cannot afford to lose their time, travelling on slower mediums of transport. Secondly, cars are spacious and convenient. Which is to say that, cars can be used by more than one person to travel at any given time. Furthermore, not just people but bulkier items can also be transported from one place to another with ease on cars.

On the other hand, using bicycles as a mode of transport has numerous advantages. Such as, bicycles are a healthy way to commute. To expound, bicycles do not require any combustible fossil fuels for its working and is ridden by the physical force applied by its rider, hence keeping it from emitting noxious gases which are deleterious for human health as well as the whole environment. Finally, using bicycles for travelling is meritorious because it reduces traffic on the road. Which stands to reason that bicycles consume very less space on the road, its use has a mitigating effect on the traffic problem, which is surging every day in the cities, begetting road congestions.

In conclusion, it can be said that cars expedite the movement from one place to another and they can also be useful for more than one individual at the same time. Bicycles are healthy mode of transport, further benefitting by reducing the pollution. In my opinion, cars are conspicuously propitious in meeting the needs of transportation of an urban lifestyle.

[Dipinder]

Many of a person believes- Many a person believes

Bicycles are choicest to utilise what?

I opine, that cars are suitable medium to move from one place to another in city

And previously also i advised against using FINE, it sounds lame.

Very much comfortable and one cannot get exhausted.

Use either very or much with comfortable and use passive voice in your essays, never use 1st, 2nd or third person.

Dont use etc and … – both are informal. Be specific with the benefits and expand that much only.

Where one cannot be overtired – is again making the sentence personal and instead of OVERTIRED, better word such as, weary could have been used

Constraining passengers can be shunned if we utilise cars- confusion and unclear! UTILIZE is American English, you must maintain same type of English American or UK, whichever u choose. But dont shift to other in your writing.

Air conditioning is a luxury which you have already mentioned in previous SI, come up with some other advantage.

WHICH needs energy to be burned WHICH makes one healthy and fit – Refrain from using one connector repeatedly.

Thus, using bicycles as medium of transportation can help in burning calories, consequently assisting in achieving robust health. – your sentence is making it personal again.

Your last SI is not aligning with the topic, rise in population cant be controlled by use of bicycles, traffic jams can be. Make it sound like bicycles aid in reducing traffic on roads.

Making use of cars for travelling – using cars to commute, makes travelling comfortable, whereas using bicycles leads to healthy living.

Cars are best source of medium ?

According to me, cars are best medium to cover long journeys in short time.

2/6

refer to my essay below

[Dipinder]

Intro is insufficient, lacks proper structure

This is not a comparison question, pay attention to question, it’s asking for discussion, not comparison or advantage disadvantage. You couldnt comprehend the question rightly, hence answered it wrong.

Bicycles are fine and better – is a bad sentence to use in essays. Looks very lame.

Milieu means social environment not the eco system or environment. Which is not relevant here.

Instead of SOAR, use rise/surge/hike/increase.

Conspicuous means evident or obvious, i couldnt understand what exactly u meant by using this in your sentence.

U digressed in your Second SI, it’s not relevant, u have to write on cars and its advantages.

You again digressed in BP2, it should be only and only about advantages of cycles.

Consequently, whole conclusion is wrong due to wrong understanding of the topic question

1/6

[Dipinder]

No sir, every type of letter have to follow same structure, just follow this structure. 2,3,4 body paragraphs are just the elaboration of bullet points mentioned in topic. They can be about anything.

Dear sir/madam, – formal

Dear Mr/mrs first name, – in semi formal

Dear first name, – in informal

Opening line depending on types of letter, followed by purpose of writing the letter.

Bullet point 1 expansion…………….

Bullet point 2 expansion…………..

Bullet point 3 expansion……….

Closing line depending on type of letter.

Your faithfully,

First name last name

– in formal

Yours sincerely,

First name last name

– in semi formal

Take care/love/miss you/regards,

Fist name only

– in informal

And it is advised to use few abbreviations/contractions (not in every place, unlike informal) etc/eg/ie/i’ve/i’ll, i’m, she’ll, he’ll, wouldn’t, can’t and so on… in semi formal. And use contractions wherever possible in informal. But never use them

In formal

[Dipinder]

You have exceeded word limit by almost 100 words, which is sheer waste of time and energy and above all you have not planned your letter at all. All your points are entangled with each other, you

Second line mentioning reaching of your home safely is irrelevant

then you suddenly began to expand 1st bullet point(accompanying and accommodating)

Then you wrote purpose of writing this letter which should be the second line of you letter and part of intro.

Try making informal letter more chatty and friendly sounding.

Keep the intro short and crisp, with only intro line/opening line such as: i hope all is well on your side or i hope you all are doing great or i hope this letter finds you fit as fiddle or i hope this letter finds you in best of health, so on and finally with the purpose of writing the letter for instance in this letter – i’m writing this letter to ask you to send my yellow envelop, that i left on the table beside the bed in the room i stayed.

There are frequent grammatical errors in your writing. Tenses are not appropriate in many places-

while unpacking, I have realised that I have forgot my envelope => while unpacking, i realised that i have forgotten my envelope…

Make different paragraph for each bullet point, dont combine your intro with 1st bullet point. And plan your letter before beginning to write. Use as many contractions (i’ve, i’m, can’t, don’t, shouldn’t, wouldn’t, etc) as possible and do not digress from the points instructed to write on. It costs you marks for task response. Write only relevant and necessary information. Last paragraph that you have written is not required. Finish expanding the three bullet points and end your letter with just one closing line as you have written (Hope to see you soon.)

In the end, write only one thing before first name followed by comma

Regards/love/miss you,

Nilesh

1/3

[Dipinder]

Your sentence structure needs to be worked upon.

You have not displayed your lexical resource, pls refrain from using one word twice. “English language”, “global language”, “native language” are repeating a lot. Try using synonyms.

Few sentences are not making sense such as – “Sharing of new technology can be done in an easier way as before where communication will be no more a barrier” this means opposite to what you actually want to express.

“which allows everyone one on this planet can enjoy the benefits of new inventions”

“and we cannot able to understand great literatures”

“English as the only language as tool of communication”

“helps in surmounting great summits in various fields together where as it has many ill effects on native customs and traditions as it leads to the extinction of native languages .” THIS PART IS PARTICULARLY VERY WELL WRITTEN.

Content to justify ideas is not balanced, particularly in BP1, try to give equal amount of justification or explanation for each of your ideas.

You could have used better ideas in your BP2, what you have written are not very distinct from each other.

I have tried writing with same points as yours to give you an idea about balancing the content of ideas and using connectors and synonyms.

3/6

Many a person Postulates that surge/jump in importance of English language, which is majorly contributed by/attributed to tourism, will eventually make it the only global language. This will prove to be meritorious for allowing free flow of ideas among countries but with down side of overshadowing the cultures.

One of the significant bright sides of English becoming lingua franca of the world, is that it will facilitate the smooth exchange of ideas. In other words, with ease in sharing of technologies, discoveries and inventions due to single common tool of communication, learning and advancement will be promoted in the whole world and not only in a particular region. Secondly, English becoming the only spoken language will aid in economic growth. Which is to say that, it will assist in generating immense employment avenues by breaking the language barriers which prominently exist in present world, ultimately boosting the economies.

On the other hand, there are several disadvantages of English being the only dominant language. Such as, disappearance of native languages and cultures. To expound, regional language is the essence of any region, with its culture depending on it and overpowering of English as a language on vernacular languages, could result in obsolescence of the latter and tenets in the vicinity. Lastly, English becoming only means of communication will result in waning of historical importance of a place. Which means that, gradually spoken language of a place will dissipate to a state of becoming dead, finally leading to inability among the natives of reading scriptures written in their own language.

To conclude, While the society can reap benefits of economic growth and development by having English as the only means of communication. This will also came at the detriment of cultural disappearance.

[Dipinder]

essay is way too long, there is minimum requirement of 250 words only, any word over that is waste of precious time. Intro is very long and not well structured, there is no clear thesis. remember excessive no of words will exhaust your lexical resource, the more you write, the less words you have as synonyms.

work on sentence formation/structure and appropriate usage of words. thrive in tourism isn’t the right collocation. instead, thriving tourism/boost in tourism could’ve been written.

there is no mention of central idea in BP1, which makes it difficult to figure that which side are you mentioning of having English as a global language

do not write advantages and disadvantages on same points/ideas, it is contradicting. In simple words, just come up with 2 advantages and 2 disadvanteges based on diffesent ideas.

“in your conclusion” u look digressed, it sounds off topic. and conslusion has to begin with phrase or word that expresses clearly that conslusion has begun. for instance: to conclude, finally, in conclusion, etc.

2.5/6

[Dipinder]

the letter part has the minimum requirement of 150 words, any word exceeding that limit is costing you time that you would need to invest in planning and writing essay, which carries double weightage compared to letter. why to waste time on letter which will yield nothing. planning of this one hour is as important as writing both tasks. your letter is way to long, it is approximately equal to length of the essay, which is totally waste.

secondly, stick to format, the structure. A letter should consist of intro para with a hint of reason for writing the letter, after writing dear first name and comma

then 1st body para

then 2nd body para

3rd only if topic demands, otherwise closing line

and finally love/regards etc with comma

and your first name at the end

informal letter like this should have absolute chatty language, make sure of using only contraction wherever possible. but strictly keeping in mind the structure of letter. try your best to use complex sentences

for example – use you’re, would’ve, could’ve, shouldn’t, can’t ets

scorching heat wave of desert is correct. scourging heat wave of desert is wrong

at one place you have written dessert, which means sweet that we eat after a meal.

your accomodation have been taken of, as i have chosen centerly located and most pocket friendly hostel, which is close to most of the attractions in the city. for example, make it sound friendly.

para 3rd and 4th could have been one, as you are informing him about the activities and attractions in your city, keep it in one paragraph.

always remember to stick to structure of letter, which i mentioned above. it carries marks

1/3

[Dipinder]

use comma after sir/madam

first of all, stick to the structure of the letter, it should only have one intro paragraph(containing opening line followed by paraphrased topic statement/purpose of writing letter), followed by three body paragraphs, describing the bullet points, one closing line at the end, that’s it. pls follow this format only or else you lose marks for coherence.

secondly, pay heed to task response, read the topic question carefully and write only what is asked in topic. you cannot be wondering if the person you are writing to will help you or not. the question is clearly telling you to tell the manager, what you want him to do, you cant be unsure.

the paragraph where you are telling how you lost the laptop, its very confusing. if you were travelling back from hometown and you were at delhi, then why did you again checked in your luggage and boarded the plan.

you dont have to apologise for a claim or complaint letter unless it’s an apology letter.

yours faithfully, would come in the end not yours sincerely.

first and last name are rightly written

1/3

[Dipinder]

use comma after dear sir/madam

first of all, stick to the structure of the letter, it should only have one intro paragraph(containing opening line followed by paraphrased topic statement/purpose of writing letter), followed by three body paragraphs, describing the bullet points, one closing line at the end, that’s it. pls follow this format only or else you lose marks for coherence.

The details about the lost product are more than needed, dont forget that only 150 words are required, writing more than that doesnt cost you score but time. and trust me, 1 hour is less to complete both tasks, if you dont plan. remember, every extra word is costing you time that you require to complete task 2.

there are several grammatical errors apart from structure

you need to be specific about place, time, date of the stolen thing.

use punctuations where required, they carry marks.

dont use thanks

you have already written closing line, after which only yours faithfully, and first and last name is required in formal letter

[Dipinder]

1/3

[Dipinder]

dear sir/madam, is necessary in formal letter

rest everything about letter is great, complex sentences are good, use of gerunds always adds up to score..kudos

2.5/3

[Dipinder]

introduction requires lot of work, it must have a proper structure – you paraphrase the question, following which your opinion and then your points to support reasons for that.

pivotal word is not apropriately used. rather vital, imperative, key role would fit better in this sentence.

pls remember the topic, there is nothing relavant to topic question in the essay. you lose masks for task response for that. Plan your essay properly before beginning to write it. you lose marks for coherence if it lacks structure.

each body paragraph ought to have two central ideas with one supporting idea each, if one central idea, then it should have two supporting indeas.

then finish with conclusion with each central idea paraphrased, ending with your opinion

please refrain from using real life examples, rather try supporting the central idea with your reasons.

don’t be personal. as an honest tax payer is wrong for addressing

you can’t agree and disagree in one essay, its contradicting your owwn self.

1/6

[Dipinder]

Thanks to these prime reasons is not apt for an essay. Rather, try using other expressions like owing to or due to or because of

Using real life examples in your body paragraph makes it look as if you have less reasons to back your point or opinion. Rather you can use two reasons to back same point

Moreover, it just adds to your essay with content which is not your’s. Essay is a test of your productive skills in English language and not your general knowledge

Second body paragraph is to address your second point of opinion, which is why it should not start with furthermore. Secondly/lastly/finally/another reason can be used to begin second body paragraph

Use furthermore where you are continuing or adding to the explanation of one point but with different example or reason

Rest, body structure and grammatically it’s fine. But try using gerunds in your paragraphs, it helps to elicit better scores

[Dipinder]

Thanks to these prime reasons is not apt for an essay. Rather, try using other expressions like owing to or due to or because of

Using real life examples in your body paragraph makes it look as if you have less reasons to back your point or opinion. Rather you can use two reasons to back same point

Moreover, it just adds to your essay with content which is not your’s. Essay is a test of your productive skills in English language and not your general knowledge

Second body paragraph is to address your second point of opinion, which is why it should not start with furthermore. Secondly/lastly/finally/another reason can be used to begin second body paragraph

Use furthermore where you are continuing or adding to the explanation of one point but with different example or reason

Rest, body structure and grammatically it’s fine. But try using gerunds by beginning a sentence with ‘ing’ word in your paragraphs, it helps to elicit better scores

4.5/6