Faculty Falak
FacultyForum Replies Created
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world-renown (renowned) universities.
Conclusion could be better .
Keep writing
band: 4.5/6
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while public transition is in the worst condition( and the worst condition/unavailability of public transportation) , and reliable solution is add tax . (to tackle this problem , government can levy high road tax)
Analysing the statement, it is clearly seen- better version of words could have chosen
Topic sentence needs to be loud and clear
.Everyone can buy a car as long as he has (can afford) revenue for it.
each of them own (owns)
I could see the solution mentioned in introduction is not the one that is prominent in body paragraph 2, and solution given in the conclusion is also something different from the one mentioned in introduction.
Band: 3.5/6
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“I” needs to be capitalised.
From my point of view ( Body paragraph should discuss about what “some” people think – be attentive tp the question type
one good examples (example)
My daughter don’t want (doesn’t)
her loves (love)
art allow (allows) her
for example in second body paragraph is just an explanation , more precise example would be appreciated.
Feedback : Be careful with grammar especially “subject-verb” agreement.
Keep writing!!
Band: 4/6
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that results into more stressed out ( that leads to stress among students)
unfruitful (futile)- better word.
a concise conclusion would be a better idea ( reduce the verbosity , complex-compound structure will help)
Keep writing !!
Band : 4.5/6
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Make more use of cohesive devices, it will add more cohesive to the piece
No example found in second body paragraph; also the second B.P should look like your discussing what “others” believe rather your own opinion
conclusion should be more effective ; talks about both ideas and your stand on the argument.
Band : 3.5/6
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australia (Australia- proper noun)
well – written
Yours sincerely (faithfully)
Band : 2/3
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Well-written, keep writing!!
Band: 2.5/3
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My self (it goes after the verb ; reflexive pronoun) (My name is) is john,(John)
i (I) need to (a) place for living
ay how you would spend your free time while you are in Australia (unanswered)
Also I felt , few sentences required more explanation to establish cohesion.
“I” needs to be capitalised
Band: 1.5/3
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Yours sincerely, (faithfully)
Keep writing!!
band: 2.5/3
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I am professionally trained for Manny (Nanny) service from Norland’s,
I am writing this letter regarding the advertisement you placed in the magazine, regarding taking care of your wonderful 6-year-old. (You can present yourself as candidate in the first paragraph to make purpose of writing even more clearer)
band : 2/3
Keep writing!!
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This is in regards to your advertisement in the Sydney herald about living with your family and taking care of your child. (I would appreciate if you explained the purpose of writing more clearly by presenting yourself as suitable candidate)
An ideal approach would be discussing each bullet point in distinct paragraph with supporting details
Keep writing!!
Band : 1.5/3
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person can achieve anything when there is a proper support system that encourages and motivates them (him)
For example, (this could be an explanation) setting up targets to get good scores and presenting gifts as they achieve would result in a noticeable improvement on overall performance and growth in their interest to work hard more to get the gifts. (For instance,) There was a survey conducted on 50 students who are (were) 8th grade, children who were rewarded has shown significant improvement in their excellence in their subjects when compared to other students.
such as providing gifts, extra tuition classes, explaining them by one-on-one conversation ( new angle in conclusion should be avoided)
band: 4.5/6
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Feedback : Somehow, second body paragraph seems off track as topic sentence is misleading (talks about importance of competition; this could be an explanation). Make use of transitional words foe better clarity and understanding.
Band: 3.5/6
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belive (believe)
Make use of cohesive devices and sentence structure could be improved. Although I would have appreciated even more if I had found “why punishment should not be the resort for students” as it will add more cohesion to the essay.
keep writing!!
Band: 3.5/6
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The two pie charts throws (throw)
we can also observe large increase in the medicine consumption which might be due to decrease in spending on food items ( we can’t infer from pie chart that one is affecting the other consumption)
mearly (merely)
need to add more grouping and comparison of data
Band : 1.5/3
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china (China- proper noun)
the percentage of medicine is (was) 4%
budget were (was) spend (spent)
in 2011, it decreased by marginal difference of 1% (read the data carefully)
It reduces ( reduced) – maintain the tense throughout
Even though the budget is reduced, it has highest percentage -?
Band: 1.5/3
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News paper (newspaper is a single word) are best possible (way) to learn news
There has evolved numerous ways (Numerous ways have evolved)
acquitted (acquainted)
with the change (in) lifestyle
People now has (have) ; people is plural
Newspaper and other media has (have)
Feedback : Conclusion should start with (In conclusion/to conclude) . Use cohesive devices . Sometimes, prepositions are missing in the sentence. Need to work on sentence structure and “subject-verb” agreement needs to be maintained. Punctuation marks need to be considered.
Band : 3/6
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The tables illustrate the comparison of population in the world between 1950 and 2000 in percentage ,(in billions along with its region wise distribution in percentage)
has clearly observed that the biggest (contributor of population is Asia) goes to Asia , and the smallest in Oceania .
Africa is the only one which grow (grew) through the period,
argest population in the beginning was in Asia around 56% and will increased to 60% in 2000 ,but the figure is experiencing some swell to 59% in 2050. (Asia remained the largest contributor of population throughout the period with ……)
band: 1.5/3
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well- written . Keep writing!!!
Band : 2.5/3
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I couldn’t find the attachments, kindly upload again.
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Please upload in pdf format.
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The under appreciation of art in today’s world is reflected in several professions where most individuals lack an “out of the box” or smarter approach to complete day to day tasks. (To my understanding, B.P 1 is dedicated to viewpoint “art is must for students” ; this statement seems to contradict the idea , although topic sentence could be more clear and loud)
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which allows (allow) students to
On the other hand , from my point of view , (you are not suppose to discuss your own view in second body paragraph , you can dedicate a distinct paragraph for this or present in conclusion itself)
after concentration(concentrating) on a heavy (academic) subjects ,
.Art would help to develop creativity (creative) thinking,
In conclusion, despite some drawbacks above (I would suggest better usage of words , as essay doesn’t demand pros and cons but discuss both views and your opinion
Feedback : Introduction and conclusion both could be more impressive.
Band: 3/6
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which can also enhance our vocabulary related to those sections. (I found this reason not that convincing as per question demand)
Rest is fine
Band: 4.5/6
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In order to help students to improve there (their) performance,
However, school is known as second home of a children (inappropriate usage of connector)
,teachers plays (play) an important role
every pupils (pupil) in school – every is always used with singular noun
if students received (receive) a reward for doing good in exams
Anyhow (along with that) it (will) help (them) to work hard more(to work more hard in order to attain higher grades) to get higher grades.
Another reason is punished (punishment)
student who are send (who are detained as a punishment) for detention in order to punish them ,will lower there (their) interest in studies as well in attending the school .
they are growing up to be an adults (if) they will not have enough knowledge, (it will lead to more sufferings in their future) which affect them in there future ,
In conclusion , I personally believe that reward is more beneficial than punish(ment)
Feedback : Work on grammar basics, sentence structures and word forms. Understand the difference between their and there
Band: 2.5/6
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Kindly upload it in the pdf format as it is not legible.
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available in (on) social media
which are (have) been heavily used t
example in B.P 1 seems more as an explanation , I believe you could more precise example.
Example in B.P2 is missing
Band: 4.5/6
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Newspaper is one of the most traditional way (ways) of reading news.
several of old age people are habitat (habitual) of reading news paper (newspaper)
According to them (,) they can not start there (their) day
There are several ways to gather latest news (with convenience) in very convienent ways
Examples are missing.
Conclusion should be in adherence with inrtoduction , do mention newspaper too.
Make use of punctuation marks.
Band: 3/6
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some consider the finest way to consume media (to gather information about surroundings) is newspaper,
I would appreciate the usage of cohesive devices.
Avoid using pronouns like we, I , you, our as they tend to informal tone
However, the news consumed this way is based on what is called click rate, here the heading is made juicy so that people click the news most of the time the titles are misleading. (This concession statement , if you want to mention then discuss the latter view in paragraph with impartial explanation and conclude B.P 2, with this concession statement as you did in B.P1 )
Conclusion needs to be more effective , I am expecting its better adherence with introduction.
Band : 4/6
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Giving some motivation (recognition) for students in
, I would like to mention that (not required)
if teacher give(s)
punishment always cause(s)
I think give (giving) reward instead of punishment has many a
Everyone love(s) receive (receiving) rewards n
Conclusion could talk about benefit as mentioned in introduction
Feedback : Be careful with subject- verb agreement
Band : 3.5/6
