[Lakshya]

This bar graph illustrates the weekly time spent on various activities by youngsters during 2002 to 2007 in Chester.

Overall, it is clear from the given graph that going to pubs, watching television and shopping showed
an upward trend while doing homework, doing sport and bowling experienced a downward trend. Watching DVDs had fluctuations throughout the period.

In early years 2002 and 2003, time spent on going to pubs/discos were around around 7 & 10 hours respectively. After that from year 2004 to 2006 it remained constant around 12 hours. At the end of the period it was on peak around around 18 hours. Time spent on watching television has been always on top among all other activities. In year 2002, time spent on shopping was around 7 hours and there has been a significant increase over the period till the end.

It has seen that gradual decrease in doing homework and doing sport, in year 2002 it was around 12 hours and 10 hours whereas in the end it was around 7 hours and 2 hours respectively. Watching DVDs has fluctuations all over the period. Teenager have not spent much time on bowling during this period which started from 4 hours and ended up with 1 hour.

-Grammatical errors

-Wide range of sentences

Overall-2.5/3.

[Lakshya]

These days, it is considered that for learning foreign languages childhood is the best while
some argue that adults are having more potential to learn foreign languages. This essay is going to
discuss the both views.

To begin with, many individuals find that young mind grabs new information easily. Many researches has also said, children have sharp mind as compared to adults. It has seen children are more keened to learn new things and they do not have any hesitation while speaking wrong in front of people. For instance, nowadays, children are using features of gadgets simultaneously with their parents so it can be said that they will not find it difficult to learn two languages at the same time.

On the other hand, it has been considered by many people that learning is lifetime process and adults are having more maturity in order to learn new languages. Furthermore, they are minds are developed and they can be more suitable. Moreover, companies are also asking their employees to become more proficient in another languages for connecting with clients across the globe.

To conclude, a large number of group consider the childhood to be the best age for learning languages. Whereas, other find that adulthood is best age for learning foreign languages. I personally believe that adulthood is most appropriate age to learn foreign languages as they already have good exposure to working with people and know diversity in world.

-Grammatical errors, for say- researches (it should be researchers)

-Good use of connectors

Overall-5/6.

[Lakshya]

Nowadays, increasing number of events and incidents are spreading fast on social media, which is affecting the trend of traditional newspapers and magazines. A large number of people are saying that current modes of information are hampering the traditional trend whereas some people are still find it easy to make use of paper based information sources. This essay is going to examine that current sources of technology will take over news papers and magazines.

Firstly, the main reason is one can access any kind of news or any other information using their gadgets anytime, anywhere. Thus, they do not have to go outside to buy newspapers and magazines. For instance, during covid era no one was supposed to go outside their house so they had to utilize their electronic gadgets for gathering information what is happening across the world. Furthermore, it is also easy to keep the information handy on technology while as it is difficult to carry paper everywhere. Hence, people are using mobile phones, tablets rather than going for existing ways of information.

On the other hand, Trees are raw material of paper. Therefore, there is need of cutting down the trees in order to make paper which is most affecting our environment. Moreover, it has been observed due to cutting of trees, floods are there and affecting the animal live in forests. To exemplify, pollution is increasing gradually these days, many researchers are saying to plant more trees to save our environment.

To conclude, there is no doubt that technology is taking place over paper based information source because of it’s convenience. However, we should also be more conscious about protecting our environment by reducing the production of paper.

-Missed- ‘To begin with’

-Trees are raw material?

Overall-4.5/6.

[Lakshya]

Nowadays crime rates have been increased considerably in today’s world, some people believe that many offenders commit more crime after serving their first punishment. This essay will discuss about how this trend happened and what are the steps that can be taken to solve this problem.

The first and foremost thing is that, the prisoners who get first their punishment faces many struggles in prison. On the other way, person who gets long punishment due to their serious crimes often change their characters. They get interacted with other offenders who are serving long imprisonment. The reason behind this is, it gets worse situations in prison for individual to survive with other offenders with serious crimes. Secondly, people who get their punishment also faces many issues in society, society treats them like a criminal even after getting bail. Therefore, they feel themselves isolated from the society and this may lead them to commit more crimes as they already have an stamp of criminal.

In order to solve this problem, people who have served first punishment should be sent to rehabilitation center. Moreover, people are being <font color=”rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)” face=”inherit”>sent to rehabilitation </font>center<font color=”rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)” face=”inherit”> for various problems such as drug addicted or prisoners. It can help them in </font>rejuvenate<font color=”rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)” face=”inherit”> their mind and it may </font>lead them to commit less crime. Furthermore, there are some changes which need to be done in society to do not differentiate with them after getting bail.

To conclude, it has been often seen that prisoners commit more crime after their punishment. However, this problem can be tackled by sending them in rehabilitation center. Besides this, the perception of society should also be changed to get rid of this issue.

-‘To begin with’ is missing

-Lack of examples

– Needs proofreading once.

Overall= 5/6.

[Lakshya]

This bar charts describes that leisure activities done by Chinese, American, Turkish and Brazilian tourists
on holidays in Greece in August 2019.
Overall, Chinese people spent their most of time reading books while Brazilian spent their time on beaches.

Chinese and American tourists have spent most of their times reading books for 8 hours and 5 hours respectively where as Turkish and Brazilian have spent 4 hours reading books. Chinese and American tourists have not visited places and Turkish and Brazilian have spent around 3 hours in visiting places.

Turkish and Brazilian have been at beach for 6 and 5 hours respectively. moreover, American and Chinese have spent very less time in visiting places .Turkish and Brazilian have been at the beach for around 4-5 hours however they have spent their most of time in doing leisure activities.

-Try to write more while comparing in 2nd para.

-Use more adverbs and adjectives, example- comparatively, gradually, exponentially, etc.

Overall= 2/3

[Lakshya]

It cannot be denied that tourism is causing numerous problems these days. This is mainly increasing due to commercial flights and garbage thrown by tourists anywhere. There are a number of solutions which can be implemented to cope these issue.

In recent times it has been seen that commercial flights are increasing which is causing global warming worsly. Large number of people are using car, bus and taxi and which is effecting nature. Another reason is public throwing rubbish garbage in tourist spot they visit.For example, many beaches in Goa has been spoiled due to throwing everything on seaside which is not just affecting human lives but also lives of
marines. Moreover, it has been badly affected the lives of animals as the garbage has gone inside them and it lead them to their death.

There are some methods which very helpful in alleviating these troubles. To commence with, tourist authorities of all tourist places should promote the usage of electrical vehicles. This can improve the air quality by eliminating the air pollutants. Furthermore, tourist authorities should also impose a penalty to get rid of throwing wastage in public spots. Air authorities should also set a limit of tourists flying by flights which can help in reducing the global warming.

To conclude, the environmental issues caused by number of tourists are due to pollution and throwing wastage in public places and these problems can be tackled by imposing a penalty as well reducing the number of flights as well as private vehicles.

-Use connectors wisely!

Overall-5/6

[Lakshya]

There is a rapid surge in use of plastic money these days. People are using this mode more than currency. Use<font color=”rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)” face=”inherit”> of credit, debit card has become daily need in urban areas as well as rural </font>areas. This<font color=”rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)” face=”inherit”> essay is going to examine the pros and cons of using plastic money.</font>

Firstly, in today’s digital era large number of people are using plastic money as they find it convenient. For instance, wallets are cash is not being carried by them when they are going outside of shopping. However, by using plastic money there is no chance of stealing the money: For example, earlier it has been observed that cases are going downward. Furthermore, It would be less to say that public is getting lot of attractive offers and discounts on using their credit cards either it is online shopping or offline shopping. For these reasons, individuals are making use of plastic money rather than bank notes.

On the other hand, There are still some areas where facility of using plastic money is unavailable then one will need cash to transact. In addition, cyber crime rate is increasing nowadays as a result, number of people are getting victims of fraud. For example, some are reporting that hackers are withdrawing’s their money by just asking an OTP. Therefore use of plastic money is less secure than bank notes.

To conclude, using plastic money is better way to transact these days as it is convenient for everyone whereas it has number of consequences likewise fraud, cyber crime and some other thing which is creating it less secure.

-BP1 starts with- To begin with.

Overall-5/6

[Lakshya]

Online shopping is rapidly increasing these days not only in cities but in villages also.
It is generally said that online shopping will take place instead of ordinary shops.
This essay is going to discuss about how online shopping is going to be a large market whereas ordinary shops will keep on existing.

To begin with, shopping is the need for everyone . It has been observed that people are finding it easy to shop online
because they feel it is hassle free task. One can return or exchange their products at their home as per their convenience. Now a days
grocery and vegetables are also being delivered at door to door and it is saving the time of working professionals.

On the other hands, there are still some people stuck on ordinary shops due to their convenience. Some people found a challenge in choosing,
exchange and returning the product. For instance, people claimed that their product has not been returned despite multiple followups with E-commerce company.
It has been also observed that some of them have got wrong and defective products as well.

To conclude, it is true that online shopping is being essential in terms of discount and availability of wide range of products but it will be hurry to say
that online shopping will lead to closure of ordinary shops. Personally I think that, people are finding more convenient to shop online rather than going to ordinary shops.

Coherence and cohesion is missing.

lacking in ideas.

Overall- 6.0.

[Lakshya]

Competition has been increased a lot these days and children are being competitive in schools, colleges.
they should also know to behave kind with others while competitive. This essay is going to discuss about
how children can achieve things in life with being cooperative.

To begin with, cooperation is the key to take a good place in society. For instance, it can be helpful for working in an organization or industry.
In other words, team work is required to be done in order to gain success.

On the other hands, being competitive is also equally important to be the best of your self.
Particularly children can learn and develop there selves in school, either in exams or any other school level competition. After all, it can be said one need to be more competitive to achieve more things in life.

To conclude, competition may help individual to get more aspects of the life. whereas cooperativeness will not be helping in overall growth of children.

-lack of ideas

-Incomplete task response

-lack of lexical resources.

Overall=5.0 bands