Faculty Falak
FacultyForum Replies Created
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There were fluctuations but Road,water,pipeline showed an upward trend (even water showed the similar trend)
but it dipped to about 30 million tonnes (in 1986)
“climbed” and “dipped” found repetitive with usage, can be replaced with “rocketed” , “dropped” respectively.
Keep writing!!
Band: 2/3
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danger (Danger) bells
Due to this there is a (are) lots of burden on shoulders of government
As par (per) senior citizens are concern . (,) Government has to review
Growing population of veterans effects (affects) the gross domestic product –
instead of using “oldster” repeatedly “elderly” can be used.
Coherence and cohesion has been clearly observed.
No example found and more importantly, conclusion is missing in the essay.
Band: 3/6
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answer is under length , try to support bullet points with more explanation and extending details.
Band: 2/3
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well-written.
Keep writing!!
Band: 2.5/3
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do mention year 1990 in introduction.
grouping and comparison of data has been observed and well appreciated.
Monotonous sentence structure has been used , try to work on that
Band: 2/3
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pizzas were high among the high and average earning families. (according to graph, pizzas are not higher in average income group)
Increased consumption (highest amount has been spent on) of hamburgers is observed – graph is not about consumption, but expenditure)
with 45% and 32% – (unit of measurement is not percentage, but million pounds)
On the other hand, pizza was the least preferred among the low-income earning people which was around 7% ( repeated usage)
fish and chips were preferred by families that earned less. (this trend is mentioned in overview, but is not discussed in any of the feature paragraph)
Be careful with units and graph title
Band: 1/3
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well- written , but do keep time track along with word limit
Keep writing!!
Band: 2.5/3
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in the north (north east) there is farmland
the farmland has (been) removed
restaurants as well as some apartments are added.(by demolishing shops and fish market respectively)
Some information on “fish ports” would be advised to include.
Sentence structure could be more effective
Keep writing!!
Band: 1.5/3
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Secondly (,) I like to inform you,
I could observe the use of multiple short sentences, basically simple sentence structure has been used. Need to work on compound and complex sentences.
Keep writing!!
Band: 2/3
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mount, (Mount) – proper noun
i (I) am very delightful for all love and affection provided by (you all) all your family members.- just to avoid the repetitive usage of “family members”
yesterday (Yesterday) when we (were) are at dining room
with out (without) noticing it i (I) left (at) your house
The watch is an antique (,) it was gifted to me by my uncle
I have to catch delhi (Delhi) flight next week- proper noun
If you found (find) it, please restore it in a safe locker
“I” should be in capital letter throughout.
Band: 1.5/3
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you’re (your) family – you’re is contraction of you are
Few weeks before travelling to Manali, I went to Bangalore with my cousin. I bought a Sonata watch from the mall. As you know Bangalore is famous for electronic products therefore I bought watch to gift it to one of my friend.
Unfortunately, After returning from Manali, I’m not able to find my watch. The last thing I remember is keeping the watch inside your bag. The watch is from 2009 addition, golden colour with a black strap. (these two paragraphs can come under bullet point regarding describe the watch and it can be rearranged as following
Unfortunately, After returning from Manali, I’m not able to find my watch. The last thing I remember is keeping the watch inside your bag. Few weeks before travelling to Manali, I went to Bangalore with my cousin. I bought a Sonata watch from the mall. The watch is from 2009 addition, golden colour with a black strap. . As you know Bangalore is famous for electronic products therefore I bought watch to gift it to one of my friend.)
There is one of my friend (friends)
Band: 1.5/3
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That watch was very valuable to me as it was not (the only) only a gift from my grandfather.
Sentence structure can be improved.
Keep writing!!!
Band: 1.5/3
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Africa shows (showed) a significant
In feature paragraph 1 , data related to 2050 is expected to project with future tense or terminology.
Band: 2/3
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most of the student (students) has (have)
they discussing about (they are discussing/they discuss)
distance learning will not be a suitable term here
For instunce (instance)
parents supervising (supervision) is essential
At times , I can’t differentiate between letter “a” and “u” . write carefully
band: 3.5/6
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some people are not gonna (going to) ask for it
The major example to this is LAYS (some popular brand of) potato chips
Therefore (,) all makers : comma is placed after therefore, when we use it as an introductory element
On the other hand,(In addition to it/moreover,) consumers should start carrying their own bags – additive connector is required here
Number of words: 495 (I believe a good essay can be easily achieved in maximum 280 words or so , always keep time track)
Feedback : answer is well developed with apt explanation and examples. Lexical resources were also considered . Keep writing!!!
Band: 4.5/6
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It is believed that product manufacturers and the resellers are obliged to reduce the amount of packaging of goods, (while others believe) the responsibility also lies on the consumers to avoid purchasing items with less covering.
The raise in technology has led to new industries in the consumer space (The raise in technology has led new industries in the consumer space)
B.P 1, seems to highlight the benefits of packaging
B.P 2, could be elaborated with more explanation
conclusion is not the place for explanation , try to keep it assertive and concise.
Band : 2.5/6
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In introduction, outline and thesis statement is missing)
In the contrary, (on the contrary)
customers (are) also supporting the product
directly affect to the company who (which) is manufacturing the same product
to increase their sell, (sale)
eventually to reduce their losses or to increase their sell, they will plan accordingly by providing less packaging on product ( more explanation could be added here to enhance the cohesion)
if every individual take responsibility to banned (ban) over packed product
Band: 3/6
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In introduction, thesis statement is missing
this activity which ultimately causing lot of problems like plastic packaging is a (one of the serious) health hazards for our natural habitat,
it will affect those companies who (which) are producing the packaged goods
word “goods” could be replaced by : commodities, products
by people who believes (believe) in the sustainable development
Hence, it’s the consumers ultimately which could make a difference towards the usage of packaged goods. (here the word ” ultimately” directing that consumers only can control this practice and hence , it is contradicting the conclusion, which is stating both are equally responsible)
Example in B.P 1, would be appreciated
Keep writing!!
Band: 3.5/6
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The bar graph illustrates the proportionate expenditures in million pounds on junk food items consumed by the three main income groups, high, average and low in the UK. (in 1990)
Overall, the expenditure incurred on hamburgers and pizza was mostly high among high and average earning families while fish and chips were mostly consumed by families earning less. ( expenditure on pizza was not high in average group)
because of price, ( bar graph is nowhere talking about the reason of preference)
Fish and Chips were more popular between (among) poor and middles class (low income group)
spending’s (spending)
Band: 1/3
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The bar graph illustrates the amount of expense by the earning community of the country United kingdom on prepacked and processed food items mainly focusing on Hamburger, pizza ,fish and chips (units of measurement are missing , year is missing , I would suggest not to replace fast food items with packaged food)
Overall, High consumption of hamburgers is to be noticed at 47% with the High incomed families compared to Average earning people who considerably eat Fish and chips a lot than the former. (Overall should talk about trend, then why it is presented data and figures . There is no reference of low income group, include that too).
Bar graph is about the expenditure not the consumption , whole answer is moving around consuming fast food items. Be careful in analyzing the question
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almost all the sentences are starting with similar structure ” I would….., I had to…., I apologize…., I was…I informed….I still….)
You could write about purpose of writing within 1-2 sentence before explaining bullet points
Need to work on sentence structure.
Band: 1.5/3
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I writing this in regards to my absence on 31/01/2022 in the meeting regarding the new updates of Fannie Mae for conventional mortgage loans and changes in DU. (and apologize for the same)
I had to go to hospital urgently as (the father of one of my friends) one of my best friends father got really sick and there was no one to help him
my friend and his father was (were) at home,
Suddenly he (his father) felt sick due to which he panicked and called me (“he” was becoming quite repetitive and creating confusion)
Your Faithfully (sincerely)
Monotonous sentence structure has been observed, try to use varied structures
Band: 1.5/3
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believe you are doing well; (suitable for informal letter)
some words are quite repetitive (event, reach)
I’m afraid the answer is inappropriate with the tone . Read the question carefully. it is letter to your manager and about not attending event held by your company. I believe question is misunderstood.
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Hi Varun, (Dear Mr. X)
I am writing to inform you that I couldn’t make up for the annual board meeting held last week in our office. (and apologize for the same) : purpose should be clear
who recently met with an accident and (got) hospitalized.
As he is new to the city and (being his only)I am being his only friend,
He is being recovering (recovered)
I will make sure to work on (any- not required ) action items that (have assigned to me) I am assign to work on.
Band: 2/3
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Hi Sir, (Dear Mr. X): semi-formal letter
I am writing this letter to apologize for my absence…… ( suggested opening line)
I am extremely sorry for not being able to attend this crucial event (you could add details of the events)
Since it is (was) the educational event
knowledge gathered from here can be used for the good (of) on our project
I still can be able to get information (can and able serving the same purpose , better choose either can or able)
I’ll get in touch with the people who attend (attended) the event
Your faithful (since the salutation is Dear Mr. X, closure would be Yours sincerely)
while referring about events , there is lot of “here” and “there” , I would advise to maintain the clarity throughout. Make use of punctuation while using cohesive devices
Band: 1.5/3
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example in B.P 1 , lacks coherence. I was expecting it to bit more relevant to the points mentioned
Keep writing!!
Band: 4/6
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Kindly upload the first two passages as well in pdf format only.
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Thesis statement and topic sentence of body paragraph 1 , refers how new skill at an early age can be more adaptive, I would advise to mention how money management skill at an early life can be advantageous.
essay could be more coherent as at few places , I found the sentences were only adding the verbosity and were repetitive. Explanation should be effective not just paraphrasing of reason sentence.
Band: 2.5/6
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I think this (will) increase country’s overall (financial) literacy rate among young adults.
high school student (students) should be able to manage their own money
They should understand the term (terms)
Answer has clarity . Cohesion and coherence is well maintained . However, there is room for improvement in lexical resources.
Keep writing!!
Band: 4/6
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Body paragraph 1, seems to have tangential response as it is comparing science and finance subjects. Representation of idea could be better.
Reasons could be supported by more extended ideas.
Band: 3/6
