Faculty isha
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Feedback:
The given map illustrates the generation of electricity with the help of wave movement.
Overall, the electricity is generated by the waves moving towards and away from the turbine. These waves cause the air to flow in and out of the column and make the turbine rotate continuously in the same direction. Finally, the rotational force of the turbine generates electricity.
Firstly, the wave moves inside the slope chamber, which makes the wave to push the air trough column in an upwards direction. The motion of air rotates the turbine inside the column in a clockwise direction. Due to the continuous rotation, the coil inside the turbine contacts the generator right next to it and produces electricity.
Secondly, the wave moves away from the chamber and causes the air to move in the opposite direction inside the column. Due to both the existing clockwise rotation of the turbine and the downward movement of air flow, the turbine rotates in the same direction, which in turn generates the electricity.
– Words in bold are corrections.
– Work on Articles, like the, a etc.
– Overall, well organized and covered all the important points.
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Few individuals trust (believe that) the main aim of education is to make the individual into a useful member of society, while some believe it should help people to achieve their goals. According to me, the main purpose of education is to develop one’s goals as well as to serve society in the best possible way.
By getting proper education, we can help our society in many ways. For example, we can try to keep our environment neat and clean by creating awareness among people and also by conducting campaigns. The impact of global warming is affecting(can be seen) everywhere in the recent past. To decrease the effect of global warming, World Environment Day is celebrated on June 5th every year. On this day, learners in educational institutions are encouraged to plant more trees. Lessons related to global warming are included from grade one and steps to control the negative effects are taught to young learners who becomes active members of the society in future.
Secondly, during this COVID-19 pandemic, to keep the disease under control and to protect the people, the Indian government has taken so many measures like mass vaccination drives, training medical students to take care of the infected people, which helped them to maintain the scarcity of health workers. Because of these important steps, our country was able to manage the worst effects of Covid-19. In this way individuals have learned as well as they were able to serve the society.
In a nutshell, educating the individual to achieve their goals will, side by side, make them a useful part of society.
Feedback:
The corrections are in bold and italics.
BP 2 This paragraph is not totally aligned to what this essay is asking.
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Few individuals feel that the goal of education is to make students into helpful members of the public. Others think that education must be beneficial for themselves to achieve their career goals. Education plays a key role in developing society. This essay discusses how education impacts humanity, how it helps individuals, and concludes with my opinion.
Education gives broad knowledge, which can be applied in real life and also contributes directly and indirectly to the community. Practical skills learned from schools and colleges can be applied to actual problems. For example, maintaining the proper level of water in a tank at home is difficult. Professionals can solve this issue by attaching a water level detection sensor inside the tank, which helps in reducing a lot of water wastage. They are even contributing 30% of tax to the government, which is being used to develop society.
Education also helps in achieving their goal, and they can look after their family. There are plenty of domains and fields available, so one can easily pick a path they are interested in and can start building their own career. It helps an individual to feed their family. For instance, the primary goal for a person from a poor family is to get a job and help their dependents financially, which can be possible through good education.
In conclusion, education can be used on both sides. In my opinion, it is better to apply learning knowledge to real life problems and contribute to the development of the country.
Feedback:
Corrections are in bold and italics.
Clarity is missing.
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Some people believe that education plays a primary goal in becoming a good person in society, while others believe education encourages an individual to achieve their ambitions. Education plays a vital role in an individual’s well-being in society and their holistic development. This essay will discuss and contrast both sides.
Firstly,(No need to say Firstly we will discuss) how an individual plays a vital role in society. A society is a place where there is a group of people living together, helping each other with a pure heart. This symbolises humanity. So, when an individual pursues education, this automatically reflects on his way of behavior. Although he is educated and becomes a rising example for his younger generation to become a useful people in society.(This sentence is incomplete as you have used although…use yet with it)
An individual should set a goal and aim high to achieve the target in order to pursue his/her ambitions. I believe if you are dedicated to something then you will definitely aim to achieve it. Nowadays, we can see many individuals are target-oriented and they achieve their goals through their hard work. So, they tend to pursue higher education to have the best title for themselves. For example, an individual who pursues a career at Symbiosis University also tends to qualify for a master’s from foreign countries as well. Although education is important for each and every individual in society as well as to pursue their ambitions. Education is also important for each and every individual to have better future prospects.
Feedback:
Corrections are in bold and italics.
The conclusion is missing.
One part of the question is not complete.Clarity is missing.
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Feedback:
Intro:
– Introduction will include Paraphrasing along with your opinion.
– your line ” this essay explains both sides of education” is not relevant.
-Words written in bold are ambiguous, lacking in clarity.
BP2 & conclusion:
In general, the primary goal of education is to pursue higher studies, so that they could(one can) achieve materialistic goals. It also develop a social network among themselves and will have well-developed confidence. Higher education may help individuals advance from their current position and increase their remuneration. For example, people with master’s degrees tend to achieve higher posts and higher pay scales than people with diplomas or bachelor’s degrees. Gaining confidence and social network through education helps them to be excellent and skillful in whatever activities they perform.
Overall, education allows a person to achieve their goals as well as help society. In my thought(opinion), considering education as a way to achieve goals is the foremost value, but through that, we also have to assist our society in our ways.
–-Words written in bold are ambiguous, lacking in clarity.
Rewrite your conclusion.
Band Score – 3.5/6
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he following pie chart shows the reasons and benefits of cycling to work and driving to work.
Overall, riding to work illustrates more benefits for health and fitness and causes less pollution when compared with other advantages like no costs and no parking problems. Whereas the major reason for going to work by vehicle was comfort, which covered half of the chart, the safety part occupied the least amount of space among all the other reasons.
In cycling, health and less pollution occupied 30% each and covered more than half of the chart. The second reason given by most people was that two-wheelers had no parking problems, which held 15%. 13% of humans said that going to work by cycle requires no cost and saves a lot of money. 12% of people thought riding a two-wheeler to work was faster than riding a four-wheeler.
The major reason preferred by most people for traveling to the office by vehicle is comfort, which accounted for 40% of the chart. The rest of the other reasons, like being faster than cycling, carrying things to work, covered 14% of the total, and very few members claimed that driving is safer than riding.
Feedback:
Grammatical errors and right choice of words.
Band Score – 2/3
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The chart represents the ground on which individuals choose whether to travel to work by a car or bicycle.
The first chart illustrates various reasons for cycling to work. Mostly, people prefer cycling because it directly helps them to maintain a healthy physical health, with 30% of the individuals citing this as the most important reason. Next, 30% think cycling cuts down on the emission of polluting gases. Furthermore, 15% look at this as a way of saving a huge amount of time by not having to worry about parking. Also, 13% pointed out that cycling is cost effective. 12% mentioned they don’t get stuck in traffic and reach their destination faster.
The second chart talks about the basis on which people decide to use a car to work. We can see that 40% think of driving as a comfortable mode of travel, whereas earlier we saw that 30% chose cycling to stay fit. Also, the distance to reach work can be covered faster than on a bicycle, which is believed by 21% of the population. Compared to the previous chart, where 12% believe that a bicycle takes us to places faster, 14% think otherwise in this chart. A car can carry numerous essential things to work, which is consented by 14% of the population. In addition to that, 11% find cars safer than cycling.
Feedback:
Overview, is important. You did not write overview.
Review your work properly to avoid grammatical errors. Focus on the right use of articles.
Band Score – 2/3
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Dear sir/madam,
After having seen your article in your travel magazine last weekend, which talked about various places to visit in Kurali and the entry fee, I saw some errors in the provided information.
You mentioned in the article the Rose Garden, where the carnival is held twice a year, and there is also an entry fee for visiting that place. However, the carnival is held once a year and entry is free for all visitors.
Thus, I would request that you rectify the mistakes as it will affect the tourists because it will disappoint them and they won’t be able to see the carnival for which they have arrived. Also, the money they spent on the trip will be wasted. Above all these mistakes, they will hamper the goodwill of our country and state.
A new article should be published stating the error committed and mentioning all the correct information so that the audience’s trust stays intact.
If you require any information, feel free to contact me.
Yours sincerely
Feedback:
Please go through the corrections. Some of them are grammatical errors and need to focus on right use of articles.
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Dear Mr. James,
I am Sherry from Maharashtra. I am writing this letter to inform you that there is a mistake noted about my town, Nasik, in an international magazine and I would like to bring it to your notice.
I discovered an error in Times Square Magazine, which stated that Nasik is a city of tomatoes when, in fact, it is a city of grapes.Nasik is well known as “Wine City” because here on the farms we can see huge grapes cultivation and it has the best climatic conditions to grow grapes.
International tourists often buy Times Square Magazine for their leisure purposes during their travels to kill time. So, it is very important to support the contents of the magazine with detailed research. Otherwise, this can mislead people and they tend to end up with the wrong information about specific things.
I believe that all the copies published on October 24 should not be distributed because they contain incorrect information.The publishers should always cross-verify before it is printed.
I am looking forward to seeing this matter resolved as soon as possible.
Thanks,
Yours sincerely,
Feedback:
Check out the words and sentences in bold for corrections.
Be careful about grammatical errors and the right choice of words.
Band score: 2/3
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Dear Sir/Madam,
I am writing this letter to inform you that an article about my hometown which(that) has been published in your magazine recently has got some wrong information.
Since the article was about my hometown, I found it quite interesting to go through it in detail. Most of the particulars were rightly mentioned, but few details about the places in and around my town were mentioned wrongly. The places around my birthplace are Chennai Central, Beach, Perambur and Villivakkam. But, in your article, Tambaram is given which is very far from that spot.
Wrong details will lead(cause) confusion among the readers and mislead them when they visit the place. Being a best-selling magazine, it is always better to publish the correct particulars after collecting the datas(data) from reliable sources.
Please take necessary action at the earliest to edit and reprint the write-up in your next week’s edition.
Thanking you,
Yours faithfully,
Banumathy
Feedback:
Bhanumathy Ideas are coherent but clarity about (Incorrect information) is missing.
You have to make it clear in the first para ,whats wrong in that article.
In second para write about it more clearly.
Band score- 1.5/3
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These days, supermarkets sell all those items which are, the majority of the time, imported from other nations rather than supporting local sellers. Pricing and resources can be one of the few reasons for buying products from overseas (this statement is not clear). This essay will provide logical reasons and negative development of such activity and how it will affect our growing economy.
There are numerous reasons why Walmarts provide a diverse range of products to customers, one of which is that purchasing products from other countries has become more cost-effective, and they are providing products that cannot be manufactured in their own country. Price plays an important role when it comes to imports. Sellers will purchase those commodities that can be bought at low rates. In other words, businessmen will sell those goods which have a profit margin, as products bought at cheap prices can be sold at high prices. Secondly, when goods are bought from overseas, a lack of resources is also one of the major reasons. For instance, sometimes there isn’t enough capital, equipment, land, or climatic conditions that are required to produce those items. As a result, sellers have to buy from other countries. Blueberries, avocados, and raspberries are commonly imported items.
As a result, selling commodities from other countries affects the economy of the country and local producers. In school, we have read about export and import. When the country’s trading(trade) is dependent on imports, it shows the major portion of the money is spent in other countries, which leads to employment and development in those countries. Furthermore, it hampers the growth of local businessmen or producers.
In conclusion, the rise in imports has given consumers the opportunity to have a variety of items but has affected the economy of their own homeland. Thus, serious actions should be taken by the government to increase taxes on imports and provide subsidies to local producers.
Feedback:
Intro: Thesis and outline is not clear.
Grammatical errors like articles and punctuation marks.
Rewrite the introduction and clearly state your side in BP2 and conclusion.
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Nowadays, supermarkets are trying to sell numerous imported items from all over the world instead of selling the goods that were produced locally. The process of acquiring goods from other countries has become easy for traders due to hassle-free import and export policies. However, it has both positive and negative effects on the market. In my opinion, it is good news for those who are interested to buy things from foreign countries.
If we think about the negative aspects, for example, vegetables and fruits produced by the local farmers are not having demand because these imported items are available at cheaper price and the consumers are not ready pay more cost, when they are able to get the same for lesser amount. Secondly, people are more attracted to experience the new taste rather than having the same old palate. So, it has become a new trend to try different items from different countries.
Feedback: Words in bold are corrections.
This essay does not meet the criteria of task completion as the first question has not been answered.
Write the reasons in the first B.P and the positive or negative aspects in the second paragraph. Please rewrite it.
Try to join sentences wherever you can.
For example:
The process of acquiring goods from other countries has become easy for traders due to hassle-free import and export policies, which in a way have both positive and negative effects on the market.
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In this fast-paced world, the number of international products which are available for the citizens has become increasingly popular. Some establishments strive to maintain national items, but(the) process is complex and hard due to the variety. Now the sea and air transport have allowed supermarkets to import from all over the world. Social media is one of the reasons for supermarkets’ to sell international brands. Particularly youths have a large demand for international brands. As a result, an individual living in Bangalore can eat fruits made in other countries. If they like that product, then necessity of that product will increase.
This may affect the local farmers and local manufacturers, as l (I not required)producers must now compete with large companies. Moreover, these international brands come up with huge discounts, so consumers naturally buy the cheaper products, and the result is that local farmers often cannot survive without government subsidies or must close their operations.
Many jobs depend on food exports, and some less developed countries may even depend on this trade for economic survival. In spite of this, the importance of developing local trade should not be undervalued.
In conclusion, the government should support the local farmers by selling products and levying marginal excise duties on international arrivals. Hence, both can sustain.
Feedback:
Words in bold and bracket are corrections.
Essay format is not right .Introduction is merging with body paragraph.
Grammatical errors: Articles, subject verb agreement and prepositions.
Band Score – 3.5/6
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There are people who believe growing children should have a sense of competition. Others believe teaching children cooperation is more important as it allows them to function well in their lives. In my opinion, I believe children should focus on cooperation so that they can serve society. In this essay, I will provide both the view points and a logical conclusion.
People place emphasis on competition because they see it as a source of upgradation of knowledge and growth. When an individual is competing against another person, they work on their weaknesses and analyse the strengths of the competitor. For instance, in competition, people develop skills that they couldn’t develop when they had no competition.
However, other views suggest that cooperation is key to peace of mind and self-awareness. When a child learns to work in a team, all of them grow together. Also, there is no mental stress. For example, studies have shown those who are working with people are emotionally intelligent and it contributes to the overall development of society.
In conclusion, people keep on working in competition, whereas those who cooperate lead a more peaceful life. However, mental health should be top priority and the same should be taught to children so that they lead healthy lives.
Feedback:
-Words in Bold and in brackets are corrections.
-Incorrehent ideas
-Need to work on synonyms and other vocab words .
-Essay does not match the word limit. Your word limit is 205.
– Grammatical errors like capital and small letters.
Band score – 2.5/6
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Few people believe that competitiveness among kids should be promoted, while others feel that youngsters should coordinate with each other to become a successful person. It is agreed that collaboration is more important which creates positivity among children. This essay firstly discuss about(discusses the) benefits of collaboration, followed by the impact due to(of) competition and finally the conclusion.
Collaboration among students creates an optimized environment because they can get a lot of ideas from each other. Co-operating with each other makes it easier for them to learn new things quickly. For example, if a child knows only few things about a particular topic, they can easily learn a few more things from their peers. Teamwork completes a task faster and gives the best output.
Competition contributes more to the self improvement of the individual and increases negativity in the younger generation. Here, people with more confidence are able to move faster than people with low self esteem. Competitiveness leads to fear, stress, anxiety and communication gap among children. In this kind of environment, they won’t be able to expand their network.
In conclusion, collaboration is far better than competition. It is recommended to encourage collaboration among children in order to have a useful and growing career.
Feedback:
Words in Bold and in brackets are corrections.
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Essay does not match the word limit. Your word limit is 205.
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Grammatical errors. Do not use The with ‘people’.
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Need to work on Grammatical range and use more connectors
Band Score – 2.5 / 6
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Few individuals think that a sense of competition in youngsters should be encouraged, while others feel that children who are taught to work in groups rather than doing it alone become more useful human beings.According to me, if kids are encouraged to compete with their(peers) this will be a motivation for them to achieve more.This essay will throw some light on its merits of
Competition makes children learn to work hard and develop themselves to complete their tasks independently. It gives them the joy of winning, and if they lose, they will find a way to improve themselves in the future. Obviously, students can learn from their mistakes that they have done(made) in the past. Usually, two children studying in the same house will try to compete with each other, irrespective of the class they are in. Parents used to encourage their spirit by awarding them some gifts for their success in school examinations.
Few people think that rather than competing among peers, doing things in groups and learning to co-operate with others will make children grow into useful adults. They can learn from their peer group and also improve their interpersonal skills. Working with peers will give them multiple ideas, and they can think creatively as well. Kids won’t be getting superiority complex too. They enjoy their time with their peers and learn from them side by side.
Sometimes, if they don’t have any competitors, they will show a lack of interest in their studies. So, I would like to conclude here that kids can be encouraged to compete with their age group to succeed in their goals.
Feedback:
-Words in Bold and in brackets are corrections.
-Introduction should be complete and in one paragraph.
-Conclusion is an overall summary , avoid using ‘ sometimes’ when you are starting with the conclusion paragraph.
-Need to work on synonyms and other vocab words .
-Cohesive devices/connectors are missing.
-Examples should be included in BParagraphs.
Bands – 3/6
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he following line graph illustrates the distinct causes of air pollution in the UK between 1990 and 2005.
Overall, the air pollution due to industry is decreasing linearly till the end of the period, however the pollution caused by (households) and transport experienced both (an) upward and downward trend.
In 1990, pollution(air pollutants/contaminants) from industry origin(originated) which is(was) approximately 5 MT, it( was )higher than transport and households. It is(was) slightly declining(declined) in 1993, after that there was a rapid surge till 1996, which is(was) around 3 MT. From 1996 to 2002, pollution is(was) linearly lowering to 2 MT and finally it became steady by 2005.
Both households and transport caused ups and downs in pollution and had similar pattern till 1999, later pollution from transport becomes steady till 2005 and pollution due to households is rapidly declining and roughly becomes 0.2 MT by the period end. The total air pollutants of these three sources are drastically reducing from about 7 MT in 1990 to 3 MT in 2005.
(The total number of pollutants emitted into the air gradually reduced to about 5 million tonnes by 2005. Further, the industry with the highest amount of contaminants with 5.5 million tonnes in 1990 gradually declined to about 2 million tonnes in 2005. Despite the figures for transport and household emissions being equal at the beginning of the period, there was a slight increase in the number of air pollutants from transport to 1 million tonnes by 2005, while the household emission dropped to a negligible level at 0.1 million tonnes at the end of the period.)
Feedback:
Use words like air pollutants, contaminants etc as this graph is highlighting those points.
You may want to use past tense when you are explaining graphs.
Last paragraph is a sample para for your reference.
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Feedback:
I’m writing this mail(message/letter) to express my discontent with my new neighbor ( who is living in 310 B). He likes to listen(to) loud rap music after 12 PM(midnight)
These are new(don’t use new) bachelors who has(have) rented the first floor.Previously, in that flat lived a nice family, which were noiseless(Not the right use of words)) and it was a pleasure to have such neighbor. Please understand my frustration when I and my wife with 2 years old son(my wife and I along with our toddler) are trying to sleep and hear a bass / huge noise coming from(the) next flat. Noisy laughing also coming some times. My son was crying hearing the noise for last two days(For the past two days, my son has been crying every time he heard the noise) .Moreover my wife is a migraine patient who can’t tolerate loud noises. (the)Doctor also suggested he(she) needs a sound sleep at night without any disturbance
Grammatical errors, right choice of words, and few lines are not required ,for e.g ,writing about previous neighbors.
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Feedback:
Actually, one of my neighbour(s) residing in flat no.1 of the same building is playing(plays) loud music till late(at) night. I do not raise this issue, if it is once in a while during long holidays or weekends. This has become regular every night and it disturbs my sleep a lot.
Due to disturbed sleep, I was(am) not able to concentrate in(on) my work through out(throughout) the day. Hope you can understand how drowsy (a person feels)people become due to lack of sleep. Since I am preparing for my upcoming examination it gives me too much trouble in studying for the same.
– grammatical errors. Correct words are written in brackets against the incorrect ones.
-Try using synonyms
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Feedback:
You have used variety of sentences accurately and paragraphs are organized.
– Do mention your stand clearly , to what extent you agree or disagree.
– Can use required lexical resources.
Band Score – 4.5/6
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Feedback:
turn pages in paper to find information. – turn pages to find information
Additionally – In addition to this,
Good job done Mahesh. Well structured, clarity is also there.
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Feedback:
– Longer duration will be better than lengthy
Nicely written,right use of punctuation and complex sentences.
Keep practicing!
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Feedback:
Few Grammatical errors:
2nd Line – advertisements play
5th line– on the internet
6th line for training
researching that– enjoy the movie
-5 minutes
– then a 15 minutes
– On top of that
– huge amount of money
– spent on ads
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Feedback:
– ,my father…
– to the Kochi office
– move forward
– that said I will be connecting
Veena well tried, You can use some more synonyms here like ‘sensitive issue’ , ‘set back’ , ‘designated work’ etc.
You need to mention the deadline or some timeline in last body paragraph as per the question.
Band -2/3
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Please read words written in Italics, these are corrections.
It is true that we are increasingly surrounded by advertising by companies that want to sell us their products. I agree that advertising has an impact on sales of consumer goods, which I will be discussing in this essay.
Advertisements can certainly tempt people to buy products that they might not otherwise want. A good example could be any food app. Even though we are not hungry, when we watch any advertisement mentioning some discounts or any new update about a new restaurant we immediately tend to visit that restaurant or order the food online. Perhaps, it is the influence of marketing that leads us to make these kinds of decisions. For example, we get festive offers or clearance sales ,which is again a marketing gimmick.
Second Body paragraph is difficult to understand in context of advertisements. It mentions about cross selling of related products but how its related to advertisements?
In conclusion, advertising can motivate people to go shopping ,sometimes we get benefited from it and sometimes we just fall for their marketing strategy but yes I agree that high sales of consumer’s product is because of attractive advertisements.
Feedback:
Well tried Silk! Look out for some silly mistakes in the form of Grammatical errors.
Body paragraph 2 is not in sync .
More use of synonyms and vocab could be there, for example for products ( which has been repeated), use can use goods ,consumer items, retail goods etc.
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Feedback:
Introduction:
Any product can be provoke instead write ‘can provoke ‘Any product can provoke customers to buy no matter if they need it or not it is with a use of advertisement.
You can start with this -Power of advertisement is the major reason behind people buying products irrespective of their need for it.
This essay completely agrees with the concept that good customers pass on their good feelings to others.- This sentence is not in sync with the actual essay topic.
In this introduction thesis part is not clear and the side that you are taking here.
Body Paragraph 1
-brand ‘named’ instead of brand name
-recently launched. It is – Full stop will complete it
Few Grammatical errors are here.
Body Paragraph 2
high charges… that product is worth’ buying’ rather than ‘selling’
Use ‘common people’ instead of the general people
Conclusion:
In conclusion, assert your stand one more time regarding the main question with overall conclusion.
In lexical resources words like popular commodities, consumers’ perspective,marketing gimmick , Incremental sales,endorsed etc could be used.
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I am writing this letter in context of moving to Cardiff.
Currently, I am working from Scotland but my hometown is in Cardiff, where my old parents are staying. As their health conditions are deteriorating day by day, I need to be with them for their care.
Moreover, commuting to Cardiff from Scotland every week is very time consuming, tiring and expensive. Furthermore, we have a branch in Cardiff which will be 20 minutes drive from my home.
Therefore, requesting you to move me from Scotland to Cardiff location effective from 1st Jan 2022.
Feedback:
Please check above given paragraphs for few grammatical errors. Word limit is less that 150,which can lower your score. Avoid silly grammatical mistakes.
