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As per IELTS pattern and structure of essay , reasons require strong explanation and examples. Body paragraphs should be well developed, there has to be logical flow of idea maintaining cohesion among sentences. Moreover, essay is of 163 words and is under word and hence, limited use of cohesive devices, supporting details and grammatical range have been observed.
Band: 2/6
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Budgeting classes in school is (are) very crucial
, Budgeting classes in school is very crucial as its consequences on toddlers could either be positive or negative. (sentence is ambiguous, lacking clarity)
although your essay is of 255 words which is meeting the requirement ,I would advise to extend ideas bit more
Keep writing!!
Band:4/6
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We (have) recently shifted
as it was 1.5 hours away (from my office)
Your (yours) affectionately
Try to avoid monotonous sentence structures consecutively. Otherwise, bullet points have answered with clarity.
Band: 2/3
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pie chart summarizes (pie charts summarize)
who ride cycle and drive a car (to work)
Overall should talk about trends, data and figures need to include in feature paragraphs
Feature paragraphs with grouping and comparison of data would be appreciated.
I would suggest to go through basics of task-1 again , and understand the basic structure.
Band: 1.5/3
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while the product quantity of rail mode has fluctuations.(while the products transported by rail had experienced some fluctuations)
In 1974(,) the products transported
through water and rail mode were nearly 38 million tones and 40 million tones (respectively)
Water’s trend slightly increased to 58 million tonnes in 1982. (and the quantity of stocks remained constant till 1994) During 1982 to 1994, the quantities of stocks were nearly 58 million tonnes
There is no requirement of putting facts in brackets, it can be included in the sentence itself.
Be careful with punctuation marks and try to reduce the verbosity of content using complex sentence structure. In feature paragraph 1, more grouping and comparison of data would have been appreciated rather than just explaining one mode of transportation.
keep writing!!
Band: 1.5/3
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both water and pipeline have almost equal graphical representation with difference in the amount of goods they carry. ( water and pipeline have shown different trends, we can’t infer any similarity between both)- overall is not accurate
different quantities in 1974 which was 0 (pipeline was never on zero rather around 5 million tonnes)
feature paragraphs should include more figures and data rather than just considering their trend.
Band: 1.5/3
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Overall should include only trend not the data and figures ,
at times , monotonous sentence structure has been observed.
Keep writing!!
Band : 1.5/3
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The given two pie charts depict the key factors why people prefer certain modes of transport which are either car or bicycle.(for work. There are five various reasons mentioned for both vehicles.)
Well-written, grouping and comparison has been presented with all the clarity along with the usage of lexical resources.
Band:2.5/3
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then (than) the household goods which holds some percentage
Overall, Food and clothing remained the largest categories in both years, and medicine and household goods remaining the smallest. Admittedly, there were noticeable changes in all four categories over the years. (recommended overall , talking about the trends , not data)
Although, medicine became priority of people in 16 years after 1995, with a major increase of 7% from 4% in 2011
Although, medicine became priority of people in 16 years after 1995, ( medicine still hold small percentage of 11% in 2011, so clearly it wasn’t the priority)
one of the most essential budgets in china.(China) – proper noun
conclusion is not required in Task-1.
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You can mention measuring units (million tonnes) in introduction
well – written with grouping and comparison of data
Keep writing!!
Band: 2.5/3
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the information about the amount of quantity (goods) transported in
has been increase (increased) over the years,
railway transportation (has) shown the fluctuations.
water and rail transportation has been transported same quantity ( water and rail transportation has transported same quantity)
but then use of waterways increase (increased) in next few years
In (On the) other hand, transportation of goods by railway decreases (had decreased) after year 1978 and struggles (struggled)
The road transportation provides highest quantity in all year (years)
pipeline transportation has significantly increases (increased)
nealy (nearly) same amount of goods (were) transported in next 8 years.
Feedback : Be careful with the tense usage ( indefinite and perfect tenses , understand the differences and rules)
Band: 1.5/3
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(the) most difficult times (time) was
number of room made it even (more) problematic.
Tone is consistent , purpose is clear. I personally feel, new house could be elaborated in a way that solves all the problems faced by you in old house, rest is fine
Keep writing!!
Band : 2.5/3
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Introduction seems incomplete, as it lacks thesis statement ; your stand is not clear.
However, (Therefore,) they should introduce more legislations –
Keep writing!!
Band: 4/6
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controlling the activities of industrialists who (which) produces harmful gases,
Task is well-written. Keep it up!!
Band: 5/6
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some laws should be introduced to control the emission (only laws by governing authorities can control the emission)- we need to follow the idea why govt. should be responsible
example in B.P 2, says about efforts by municipal corporation ( government) ; manage the same example as step by public
Keep writing!!
Band: 4/6
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making special communities who will take care of nature. (to establish special communities for the better enforcement of law)
I felt example in second body paragraph could be more elaborated , may be a sentence or two, explaining how solar panel is saving the nature.
Keep writing!!!
Band: 4.5/6
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There are different perspectives (It is argued by some ….) –
people thinks (think)
I will support both the statements in the essay. (your opinion as demanded in question needs to be mentioned in introduction)
collecting garbage different for biodegradable and non-biodegradable waste, and recycling the waste- sentence seems to be incomplete as cohesion has not been established clearly.
bikes to stop the (emission of) harmful gases
certainly, great improvement can be observed. Keep writing!!!
Band: 3.5/6
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people finds (find) it easy (easier)- comparison
in a recent survey , it showed (it has been observed)
more happy (happier)
open work space lead (leads)
In the conclusion, (in conclusion)
despite of the fact ( despite is never followed by “of”)
Keep writing!!!
Band: 4/6
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Nowadays, most of the companies (have) started adopting
Furthermore, (To commence with/ first of all/firstly) the main advantages of new ways – make use of right cohesive device.
time then (than) expected
There has been a lot of improvement.
Keep it up !!
BAnd: 4.5/6
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When (where) in a closed environment,
Conclusion is not as per the format we have discussed in class. It has to be the summary of paragraph , examples should be included in body paragraphs not in conclusion . Otherwise, well- written essay.
Keep writing!!
Band: 4/6
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After road, water, >then rail,>then pipeline are the most chosen one. ( this format is not suggested)
After 1978 (,)there was a gradual decreased
In water ways(,) there was a sharp
1978-1986 then (than) from 1990-1994.
Overview is missing , in such case band score can’t go beyond band 5 in Task achievement. Make use of punctuation marks and adjust word count accordingly after adding overview.
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ashiyana. (Ashiyana – proper noun)
Since past 5 days (,)
While answering the bullet point 2, explain how others are suffering (question demands)
this ongoing connectivity issues (issue)
Make use of punctuation to increase the readability otherwise band score will not go beyond 5 in Grammatical range and accuracy.
Sentence structure could be more effective. (sometimes found monotonous and repetitive)
Keep writing!!
Band: 1.5/3
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The internet connection which was initially set up (supposed to provide 100 mbps speed that guarantees an uninterrupted internet connection. However, this does not seem to be the case.) as people are working….
so that not much work is (get) hampered /(to resolve the slow connectivity issues)
I felt some of the sentences could be clubbed together to reduce the verbosity
Band: 2/3
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Overview is missing
the number of seals were (was) 42 higher than the other two.
incase , overall is not presented band score can’t reach over band 5/9
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answer is well- written but I would appreciate more grouping and comparison of trends in all three categories.
Keep writing!!
Band: 2/3
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population of seals and whales were (was) fluctuating
Second and third body paragraph could be presented as one paragraph only.
Keep writing!!
Band: 2/3
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a similar complaint has been raised by our neighbor to (in) my adjacent apartment.
my kid’s school are (is) online
the same issue was noticed last year. (Therefore,) I request to take immediate action to change this device and test the unit for its operation.
Just mention , how others are getting affected with it as it is problem to whole area (second bullet point) and first bullet point needs to be bit more elaborated.
Paragraphing has been done well. Be careful with minor slips.
Keep writing!!
Band: 1.5/3
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animal’s (animals) are being hurt
there are a number of reasons (there are number of reasons)
campaigns to spread awareness. Therefore, (as/because) blood sports are inhumane
Example in B.P 1 , seems to be just paraphrasing of explanation of main reason . I suggest to make it bit more specific.
Band : 4/6
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Body paragraph 2 and 3 should be put together as paragraphing needs to be maintained , putting them together will avoid the negative feature of underdeveloped paragraphs.
Essay is well- written with logical sequence and usage of lexical resources seem to be effortless.
Keep writing!!
Band: 4.5/6
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Any kind of activity apart from (like) blood sport which is harming animals in any way should be banned.
Introduction and conclusion has been framed nicely.
Body paragraphs needs to be elaborated with explanation and supporting details.
Word limit should be minimum 250 words. This essay is under length and response is limited.
Band: 2/6
