Faculty Shahbaz
FacultyForum Replies Created
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* The noun ‘mistake’ is used with ‘make’ or ‘commit’. So ‘a mistake that was done by me’ is stylistically incorrect although very commonly used. ‘a mistake that I made’ is much better.
* ‘a professional ethic’ ( I think ethic is not used as a countable noun like you have here )
* Are you sure you wanted to use ‘chronological’ here? It’s not entirely clear to me what is meant here.Score: 2.5/3
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* Please look up ‘sentence examples with ‘whereas” . Sometimes, commas are used before ‘whereas’.
* ‘the right path in their lives however, they are very likely’ ( I feel like the a second sentence could have started from ‘however’ here. Without even a comma, I think this is what grammarians call a ‘fused sentence’)
* ‘pre-schools, where kids can get involved with various events, achieve better’ (Please look up ‘when to use commas with relative clauses‘. If I’m not wrong, the commas are not needed here)Score:5/6
There is good grammatical control and a developed range of vocabulary. I recommend re-reading your essays and looking more closely at the lexical and grammatical choices to find things that can be improved.
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* ‘ regarding the new project, that is proposed by‘ (I am not sure why there had to be a comma after ‘project’. Please look up ‘when to use commas with relative clauses’)
* ‘One of my friend‘ (‘One of my’ and ‘one of the’ are always followed by plural nouns. It should be ‘one of my friends’)
- ”Having known about your project , I am feeling very glad and hoping that, as this project is scheduled near by our neighboring land, and will bring many more development here”
The clause structure of this sentence is very unusual. Please re-read it see if it needs to be rewritten.
- “children are often stay at home’
‘children often stay at home’
- If require , our housing society is also ready to to contribute
I think you meant to say ‘if required‘
Score: 2/3
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* The sudden sentence breaks are assumed to be formatting errors and thus no comment has been made on them.
* ‘ in reference to the inconvenience faced’ ( I think ‘ an inconvenience that I faced’ would be much better. At the beginning of the letter, before we have talked about what happened, ‘an inconvenience’ would make more sense. Once it has already been introduced, ‘the inconvenience’ is better.
* ‘One of the staff member’ (members)
* ‘pleased by’ ( ‘pleased with’ is much more common)
* Look up ‘how to use ‘suggest” . It is possible to use suggest in this way — ‘I suggest that you do [something]’
* ‘an another warehouse’ (another warehouse) (Don’t use ‘an’ with ‘another’)
* ‘your image
in the retail industry.’* ‘Looking farward’ (forward)
Score : 2.25 / 3
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- ‘There was lack of first-aid and was provided very little help’
The second clause ‘was provided…’ cannot connect to a proper subject anywhere in this sentence. ‘There was a lack of first-aid and I was provided…’
- ‘ Most of the shelves in the supermarket are mismanaged which have caused inconvenience for a lot of customers’
(Most of the shelves in the supermarket are mismanaged, which has caused inconvenience for a lot of customers.) [Comma added after ‘mismanaged’]
- ‘Since there is an increase in number of older people’
‘Since there has been an increase in the number of older people’ would sound much better.
- who visit these days to the supermarket
(we don’t use ‘to’ with ‘visit’)
Score : 2.25/3
Your essay has expanded and communicated the bullet points very well. The word choice can be improved.
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* ‘private teachers to make their children to learn after school hours.’ (private teachers to make their children learn after school hours) [ ‘to’ not needed with make. ‘make someone do’, not ‘make someone to do]
* ‘ it make them to hate studies.’ (makes them hate studies)
* ‘ will not help in a long run’ ( will not help in the long run)
Score : 5/6
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* ‘Schools have abundance of children’ ( Usually, we say ‘an abundance of something’ . I haven’t seen it used that much while talking about people)
* ‘Due to this, many children perform’ (Due to this, many children perform)
* ‘ Not only did they pass but performed well in their examinations.’
I believe it should be ‘but they performed…’ because the verbs in both clauses are different [pass, perform]. ‘They not only passed but also performed well’ is probably correct.
* ‘The World is vast’ (I’m not sure why ‘World’ had to be capitalized here)
* ‘ Without their help the child’s talent would have’ ( Without their help, the child’s…)
* Please look up ‘for an instance’ vs ‘for instance’
* ‘he became one of the great sporting icon’ (‘one of the’ and ‘one of my’ are always followed by plural nouns. Here , it should be ‘icons’)
* ‘Tutor helped in rectifying Jurgens’ mistakes’ (The Tutor helped in rectifying Jurgens’ mistakes)
* ‘The child gets much deeper understanding of the field’ [I believe it should be (The child gets a much deeper understanding of the field)]
Score : 4.5/6
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* ‘are not appropriate in some villages.’ ( ‘appropriate’ alone won’t convey the meaning you need here. It should be ‘are not appropriately developed’ or something to that effect)
* ‘pass out teachers and doctors’ (This is incorrect. ‘recently passed out’ might be better, but I’m not sure if that’s completely correct)
* ‘Due to the lack of medical and educational facilities in villages of many countries, people get inadequate treatment of their diseases and do not get a better education system either.’ (added a comma)
* ‘because new doctors expertise in the advanced knowledge and equipment to treat the various diseases’ (This clause is not complete. It should have been ‘because new doctors have expertise in…’ or something similar)
* The use of ‘suchlike’ in the last sentence of the second body paragraph is incorrect.
Score 4.25/6 (The points are relevant are expressed somewhat clearly. However, the word choices and not always natural. )
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some missing articles
* ‘with the increasing difficulty level of…’
* ‘positive development for the brighter future’
* ‘not just benefit teachers, but the nation’s …’* ‘has lead to an increase in’
* ‘are a positive development’
* ‘advanced concepts’ (not ‘advance concepts’)
* Please look up the definition and some sentence examples of ‘admittedly’ to make sure you are always using it in contexts that make sense. In this essay, it seems fine.
* ‘This might lead to their children struggling more’Score : 4.5/6
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* There are some word choices which are probably not completely accurate. For example, the ‘interest’ in ‘it is individual’s interest to choose their location’ . Perhaps, ‘it is an individual’s right’ is better.
* There are many error-free sentences. Compared to some of the essays you posted before, this one has very few mistakes as such.
*’As every individual have their’ (has) [ when ‘every’ is used with a noun, we treat it as a singular noun]
* ‘none of them can interfere while choosing their place to work’ ( I think here you meant to say ‘nobody should interfere with their right to choose their…’. Please read the sentence again )
* ‘it is not fare to force anyone to choose their location to work’
(it is not fair to force anyone to choose their location of work)
Score : 4.5/6
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* ‘have the right for best medical facilities’ (Please check out some sentence examples with ‘have the right’ , usually it is used with ‘to’ and not ‘for’ –> ‘have the right to the best medical…’)
* ‘there is need of good doctors’ ( ‘There is a need for good doctors’ [ ‘need of’ is not wrong. However, in this context, I think ‘need for’ works better)
* ‘The graduates should not feel complete cutoff from’ (completely cut off)
Here’s a sentence example ‘I’d just gotten off a ship, where I was completely cut off from all news.’
* ‘and became a gangster, which completely ruined their family.’ (missing comma) [Please remember that although a comma was used here, they are not always used before ‘which’]
Score : 5/6
Clear and mostly error-free writing.
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* ‘plays a prominent role in the products that are purchased through the internet.’ (plays a prominent in the purchase of products through the internet)
* ‘ would make an online purchaser’s life easy to make decision.’
(the last part of the sentence is not complete)
* ‘ Furthermore, making online purchases would save a lot of travel time, energy, cost, and within the comfort of home.’ (The last part of the sentence does not fit well with its first part)
Vocabulary and Word Choice
“buy the product which includes effort, cost, and time.”
“This would not only expose one’s feedback”
Some word choices sound a bit unnatural. They might be the result of an attempt to avoid repetition. It is important to remember that our vocabulary needs to natural.
Score : 4.5/6
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* “working in shifts”
‘working shifts’ seems to be the correct expression, without the ‘in’
* ‘suits to the timing of ‘
Usually, we use ‘suit’ without ‘to’ , ‘this shirt suits him’
* ‘discuss’ is used without ‘about’ e.g. ‘we will discuss this matter’
* ‘can have detrimental impact of their daily mood’
‘can have a detrimental impact on their daily mood’* ‘calories intake’ ( I believe it should be ‘calorie intake’ without the plural ‘s’)
* ‘even lead them to have chronic diseases’
(even lead to them having chronic diseases)
Here are some sentence examples that use this sentence strucutre.
1. “the price hike will lead to them cancelling their account”
2. “defaulting would lead to them having to pay interest.”
3. “a lot of the people we visit have dementia and Alzheimer’s, which can lead to them becoming isolated.”
4. “If they win their appeals, it could lead to them claiming damages”* ‘monitoring’ was misspelled
* ‘living in a peaceful environment…’
* Look up ‘when to use commas before ‘which’ ‘ and ‘relative clauses when to use commas’
* I recommend looking up ‘zero articles’. Try to find some ‘English articles exercises’ online.
Score : 4.5/6
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* ‘due to night shifts employees face some problems’ Since this is a completely separate clause, it should have been its own sentence. ‘Employees face some problems due to night shifts’
* ‘workout’ is usually written as a single word.
* ‘because they usually reached their homes late at night.’ (because they reach their homes …)
* The example was basically a restatement of the same idea. A relevant example here would have been something like ‘nine out of ten women reported that they felt extremely anxious while returning home after work’
* When you say ‘companies should be provided’ and ’employers should be provided’, do you mean that the government should provide these things to the companies and employers? Otherwise, this would be an error in the use of passive voice. If you want the companies to provide them, you would only say ‘the companies should provide…’
* ‘on regular basis’ (on a regular basis)
Score: 4.5/6
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* “that you will be taking care of my home while I will be away”
(while I am away…)We use the simple present tense with some time expressions like ‘before, when, until etc. ‘
” I will give it to you when you give me the money” ( not ‘when you will give me..’)
“I won’t give it you until you give me the money” (not ‘until you will give me…’)
* ‘for a business tour’ is not exactly wrong. But, ‘on a business tour’ is more commonly used.
* ‘While I would be away’ (While I am away)
* ‘feed him….with cold chicken’ (we don’t need any prepositions such as ‘with’ with ‘feed’. ‘feed him cold chicken’ is sufficient.
* Last paragraph : a full stop seems missing after ‘care of my home’
* Apart from these errors, the language was very natural and the tone was appropriate . The bullet points were developed very well. This is a well-written letter.
2.5/3
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* ‘Brick-and-Mortar’ (It’s not clear to me why the ‘B’ and ‘M’ had to be capitalized here. None of the sentence examples I found used it this way)
* ‘ Gone are the days of Brick-and-Mortar shops, we live in the age of same day’ ( These two clauses are completely independent and probably cannot be connected into a single sentence with a comma)
* ‘don’t have access for’ (‘access’ is usually used with ‘to’ and not ‘for’)
* ‘places like Mumbai are house to the world’s biggest slum .’ ( ‘are house to’ does not collocate well)
Score : 5/6
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* I assume that the lack of paragraphing is a formatting error.
* ‘ it is become tough’ (It has become tough…)
* ‘people all over the world adopt the same culture regarding fashion, watch similar kinds of TV programs, having the same taste of brand and food.’(have similar tastes when it comes to brands and food choices)
* ‘Owing to acquiring global trend by people of many countries like same eating habits, brand for wear and similar choice of TV channels, benefited to the people in various ways’* The first clause starting with ‘owing to’ and the second one starting with ‘benefited’ cannot be connected in this way. It’s really confusing.
* ‘even if he living in another country’ (even if he is living… [‘even if he lives’ is better])
Score: 3.75/6
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* “Well , I have experienced”
The interjection ‘well’ might not be suitable in a task 2 essay. It’s obviously very common in spoken language.* The choice of words is very unusual at time.
* A few instances of issues with capitalization and use of commas.
Score : 4/6
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* ‘about your new assignment that you are planning to construct new houses in that area.’ (I feel that a comma should have come after the first ‘that’ )
* ‘ my society’ (In Indian English, it is very common to use ‘society’ when we mean ‘housing society’ . This use of the word is not well-known outside of India. So, I would use ‘housing society’ to avoid any confusions)
* ‘living with family’ (their family)
Score : 2.25/3 ( The bullet points were well-developed. The language can be improved even further )
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* ‘planning to build opposite our residential area’ (The use of ‘opposite’ in this way is very common in Indian English. But, I suspect that this usage might be nonstandard. I would have written ‘that you are planning to build right across our…’ . Please look up ‘how to use ‘opposite’ for locations. I believe it is usually ‘opposite to’ rather than just ‘opposite’.
* ‘lead to an exponential increase in’
* ‘offer superior facilities for its home dwellers’ sounds a bit unnatural. I would have just used ‘residents’ or ‘owners’
* ‘in more details’ (in more detail)
Score: 2.25/3 (Generally speaking, your letters have fewer errors compared to your Task 2 essays)
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* (its vs it’s ) <– look this up. You used ‘it’s’ in two places where it should have been ‘its’. This would increase the total number of errors.
* A few problems with articles. ‘in lifestyle of citizens’ (in the lifestyle/lifestyles of )
* ‘ the world tourism’ <– we don’t need ‘the’ here.
* ‘drawbacks …. outweights’ (it should be ‘outweigh’ since ‘drawbacks’ is plural)
* Make sure you write the letters i,e,t etc. clearly.
* ‘detrimental’ was misspelled
* Usually, we say ‘advantages/disadvantages of something’ and not ‘ disadvantages for’* ‘homogeneity among different cultures discourages ‘ Since we are discussing this issue in a ‘theoretical’ way, this sentence would look better with ‘would’ —> ‘homogeneity among different cultures would discourage’
* ‘result in forgetting their ‘ (I believe it should be ‘result in them forgetting their’, but I need to think about it a bit more.
4.75/6
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* ‘Due to this, people work in multinational companies and people work in night shifts.’
Although ‘work in night shifts’ might not be incorrect, ‘work night shifts’ (without the preposition ‘in’ ) is also correct.* ‘people work in multinational companies and people work in night shifts’ ( I think sentence would have looked a lot better as ‘people work night shifts in multinational companies’.
* ‘face some serious challenges in their life related to health and safety ‘ A better word order would be ‘face some serious challenges related to health and safety in their life’
* ‘sleep well in the daytime’ ( I think ‘sleep well during the day’ is much better)
* ‘Lack of sleep also affected their meals routine’ (It should be ‘Lack of sleep also affects’ because we are not talking about something that only happened in the past)
* ‘take adequate sleep’ ( I don’t think ‘take sleep’ is correct)
* ‘digestion system’ (If I’m not wrong, it’s ‘digestive system’. Here, we can also say ‘to ensure healthy digestion’)
* ‘For women’s safety, companies provide a cab facility’ (since this was a recommendation. ‘For women’s safety, companies should provide cab facility’ is better)
Score : 4.5/6
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* ‘which needs attention’ (need)
* ‘ also indirectly a related to insomnia’ ( indirectly related to insomnia)
*’suffer from insomnia, which results in health issues’ (I would use a comma after ‘insomnia’ . It can probably work without the comma. )This essay addresses the questions directly and uses relevant points in the body paragraphs. The conclusions restates the main points very well.
Always remember that ‘expanding’ and ‘extending’ two main points is better than listing four points without explaining any of them.
Score: 5/6
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* ‘They have physical problems like obese’ ( like obesity)
* ‘at night’ is a more natural time marker than ‘during night’
‘ work during night.’ (work at night)
* ‘to conduct medical camp’ (a medical camp)Score: 4.25/6
It seems like your sentence structure and punctuation have improved. Problems with word choice are perhaps the most limiting factor.
“fashion of people working” “Foremost, to overcome”
Some of these word choices sound a bit strange. The same idea can be expressed in a better and more natural way.
Close-reading of well-written essays and articles is an excellent way to expand your vocabulary. Read articles and essays on IELTS topics such as health, tourism, parenting etc.
Instead of reading IELTS sample essays online, I recommend reading articles on good publications. For example, look up ‘night shifts disadvantages’ and see what comes up. When you read the articles, write down words and expressions that appear very often. There would be a lot of words that you know very well. However, you probably never use them. Bringing such words into our ‘active vocabulary’ is much easier than learning completely new words.
Whenever you learn a new word, make sure you do the following things.
1. Look up and read its definition in a good dictionary.
2. Find sentence examples of that word. You can do this by googling ‘word + sentence examples’.The best way to learn a word is to see it used in many context.
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* ‘ I want to need it to be translated into English.’ ( ‘I want to need it’ is incorrect. ‘I want it translated’ would be much better. or ‘I would like them translated into…)
* I am not sure about ‘looking for hearing from you’.
‘Looking forward to hearing’ is common.
* ‘I am working’ and ‘I work’ are both grammatically correct , but they have different meanings. I suggest you look it up to get a clearer idea.
Score : 5.25/6 (The letter covers the requirements of the task. The tone is appropriate. The bullet points were developed properly and the purpose was clearly stated. There were a few sentences which could have been improved. However, generally speaking, the sentences were mostly error-free)
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* ‘the modern era’
* ‘same
fashioned clothes’ might not be correct. Please check.
*’ and have similar kind of food eating habits’. Since it was a series, the last item should have used an ‘and’
* ‘advantages of globalization outweighs’ (outweigh)*’Children wanting to buy expensive branded things’ ‘The participle (-ing strucutre) was used incorrectly here. This is probably not incorrect —> ‘children wanting to buy expensive things is a huge challenge’, but in your sentence, the connection between the clauses is ‘faulty’ . ‘Children wanting to buy expensive branded things because their friends are doing so which leads to fight’,
* There is a point I want to make about task achievement. However, it would just take too much time to write. I will elaborate this in the class. Please remind me if I forget.
Score: 4.25/ 6
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* ‘how the advantages of this trend surpasses’ ( ‘surpass’ plural verb since its subject ‘advantages’ is plural)
* ‘a famous brand endorses’ (Unless you are speaking about one particular brand, it would be better to use ‘famous brands’)
* The second body paragraph has a clear focus and presents a relevant idea. The first paragraph was a bit vague. I assume that it was talking about advantages. However, it does not clearly elaborate how those things are advantages. Please ask me to elaborate this in the class if this is not clear to you.
Score : 4.5/6
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* ‘buying through online platforms’ (‘buying online’ is more common. ‘online’ can be used like an adverb without any prepositions.
* The second sentence in the first body paragraph (Many online shopping…) used a comma before ”which” even though it was not necessary there. The second sentence, interestingly, does not use a comma before ‘which’ even though that would have made the sentence clearer. Look up ‘when to use commas before which’ and ‘when to use commas with relative clauses’.
* ‘Amazon entitle their customers’ (the use of ‘entitle’ in this way looks a bit peculiar to me)
Score : 4.25/6 (The task was addressed properly and the ideas were relevant and expressed clearly. However, the word choices are not always stylistically appropriate. Some of them do not collocate well. The problems with grammar are also easily noticeable. )
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* ‘on the website’ (when you say ‘on the website’ that would be usually understood as ‘on one particular website’. I have noticed this problem before. I recommend reading about the use of articles and plural nouns.
* “I completely agree with this opinion, it helps to buy the..” (The comma here should have really been a full stop. The two clauses are completely independent and they both stand as separate sentences. )
* Since the question is ‘Are customer reviews the most useful tool to use when making a purchase?’ It is not necessary to discuss both sides of the issue. It is okay to present a mixed opinion if you are able to present them in a well-developed way. I just wanted to point out that presenting both views is only necessary in a ‘discuss both views’ or ‘advantages and disadvantages’ type essay.
* ‘a trust’ (in this context, ‘trust’ is not countable – I would have written ‘they develop trust’ or something to that effect)
* ‘ in online’ (‘online’ can be used without any prepositions. )
* ‘the reviews has been placed’ (have been) [There were more instances of ‘subject-verb agreement’ problems in the essay]
* ‘regarding ambiance fell into a particular’ (fall into) <- because we are talking about this in a general way. The simple present tense would make more sense.
Score : 4.24/6 ( The task was addressed and the ideas were relevant. The problems with grammar are very noticeable )
