Faculty Shahbaz
FacultyForum Replies Created
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Edit :
-remind him when and where you met
– tell him what kind of job you are interested in
-say why you think you would be suitable for the job
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*’will discuss the pros and cons…’
* ‘in search of better work opportunities’
* ‘A city inhabits major multinational organisations’ (I am not sure if we can use ‘inhabit’ in this way.
* I would have made the example in the first body paragraph clearer by mentioning how a sales manager can make more in a city.
* ‘ door to door’ is usually written as ‘door-to-door’ when it is used as an adjective e.g ‘door-to-door sales’5/6
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* ‘Nowadays, people use ‘
* ‘This essay will explore the ideas, why reviews of customers are’ [ ‘the ideas, why reviews… are…’ does not sound right at all. It could have been ‘explore why reviews…are…’ or even ‘ideas related to why reviews…are… ]
* ‘In addition to that, Good and bad’ (no reason to capitalize ‘good’)
* The vocabulary was mostly error-free. However, it could have been improved quite a lot. Some expressions like ‘they can make their mind clear’ are not very natural even though they convey the meaning well.
Score : 4.5/6
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* “in response to our discussion on flight”
I think a better way of saying this would be “to follow up on the discussion we had on the flight to NY”
* I believe ‘in-house’ should be hyphenated. Please check.
* ‘rewarded with [a title]’ is not grammatically wrong. However, ‘awarded [a title]
is more commonly used.
* ‘I think, I am best fit’ ( ‘I am best fit’ might not be correct. I am not sure what the correct form should be. It could be ‘the best fit’. Please check)
Score : 5/6
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* It is not common to use ‘so that’ at the beginning of a new sentence with the meaning of ‘in order to’
* ‘ from Japanese language to English.’ I would just go with ‘from Japanese to English’ since the context makes it clear that you are referring to the language.Score : 5/6
The ideas in the bullet points were developed very well. Great error-free sentences.
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* “explore on views” (the verb ‘explore’ is usually not used with any prepositions. We just say ‘explore something’)
* “to take pretty much about everything in their day to day lives” (did you mean to write ‘take’ here? That does not make sense to me. The noun ‘take’ with the meaning ‘opinion’ (what’s your take?) cannot be used as a verb . It should be ‘to give [one’s] take’ )
* “It is indeed become” (It has indeed become) [ ‘It is become’ would be wrong. In spoken language as well as in contracted forms ‘it has become’ and ‘it is become’ is usually ‘it’s become’ ]
* The first body paragraph details the prevalence and popularity of online reviews. The question is ‘are they the most useful tool to use when making a purchase? ‘. The first body paragraph should start answering this question. This is an important point and if there is any question regarding this point please do raise it in the class.
* ‘customer reviews is a great tool’ (are a great tool)
* Score : 4.5/6 Apart from a few slips, there is excellent grammatical control and range. Similarly, the use of vocabulary is also very advanced and natural. At the same time, the sequencing and development of ideas is very weak and can be improved quite a lot.
Since we only have 250 words and 40 minutes to complete the test, most IELTS experts recommend introducing a point first and then elaborating in with explanations or examples.
In this essay, I think the main point in the second paragraph was ‘reviews can be useful, but there are dangers to be aware of’. I would first present this point in a straightforward manner and then go on to explain it. You can check out the sample essays to see how this is done.
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* ”However, with the comfort and convenience, also comes” (the comma after ‘convenience’ is unnecessary)
* There are no errors that stand out as obviously incorrect. Some word choices sounded a bit unusual e.g. “activities” being “carried forward” (if they meaning is ‘are done’ or ‘take place’ , then ‘carry forward’ would not fit well)
* “provide the option to share pictures as well” (I believe you are talking about the option to share pictures in the review. This should have been clearly stated in my opinion)
Score: 5/6
The ideas were presented in a logical sequence. However, it is possible to improve the organization of ideas and the transitions.
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Task Achievement : This essay addresses all parts of the task with relevant, well-developed points.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy : A range of sentence types has been used naturally with no structural errors. ( or rather none that I could detect)
Coherence and Cohesion : The essay is divided into paragraphs, each with a central idea. The sequencing of ideas is also easy for the reader to follow.
Vocabulary: There is an impressive range.
There are a few word choices (only a few) that I am not sure of. e.g. “lustre of teaching” I believe that you would normally end up using a sufficient range of words in your essay. I would not take any ‘risks’ with words that I am not sure of.
5.5/6
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* “the design, the former houses were built with” (the comma was not needed here. Look up ‘omission of ‘that’ in relative clauses)
* ‘it’s owner’ (its owner)
* ‘in regards with the same style’ (‘in regards’ does not fit here)
* ‘ decide for a design for oneself’ (the first ‘for’ was not needed here)
* ‘Each person has a varied taste unique to oneself’ (the switch from ‘each person’ to ‘oneself’ does not sound right)
* There are some word choices that sound a bit odd to me. I am not able to explain why they sound strange to me. My recommendation would be to try to make your word choices natural. Review the essay you have written. If anything does not sound right. Look up its definition and many sentence examples to see if it has been used that way.
Score: 5/6
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* “more people migrate from the villages to the cities to find job” ( ‘more and more’ and just ‘more’ are used differently.)
* “Delhi, Mumbai, Kolkata, Bangalore and Chennai” (There is nothing wrong here. But, with examples like this, I would keep it limited to just two examples)
* “Apple, BMW and Paypal prefers to have…” (prefer to have)
*”the natural resources has destroyed” (this is a basic error and will be noticed. It should be “natural resources have been destroyed. I recommend doing some ‘passive voice exercises’ to avoid this kind of error)
* “the automobiles will struck in traffic more than an hour.” (automobiles get stuck/ often get stuck)
* “However, by preserving the natural resources and constructing flyovers in busy roads helps to outweigh the disadvantages.” (The use of ‘outweigh’ here is incorrect. We use ‘outweigh’ only in comparisons, usually to make a choice . ‘The advantages outweigh the disadvantages’ )
Score : 4.5/6 Improvements in task achievement.
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* ‘Same style of all the houses in an area have many merits’ ( ‘has many…’ because the subject is ‘same style’)
*I’m not sure about “the new house” in the first line. I would have gone with ‘new houses’ without changing it.
Score : 5/6
Most of the sentences were error-free. The task was addressed satisfactorily and there is good sequencing of ideas although it can still be improved. There is room for improvement in vocabulary also, but the word choice was mostly very natural and accurate.
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* “Those who are in support of older designs often argue that older designs are more durable” (I would write “that they are more durable”. It might be said that the referencing is ambiguous and could be taken to mean that the people are themselves more durable. I don’t think that is a problem)
* “The focus on these designs were more of durability” I think it should be : (The focus of these designs was more on the durability) [‘was’ because the subject is ‘the focus’ ]
* “It has also be proven good for health” (been proven) [most likely a slip]
* “proponents” was misspelled
* “proponents of newer architecture believes that…” [believe that]
*”the lack land” (the lack of land) [most likely a slip]
* “if everyone start building” (starts building)
* “be a lot beneficial” (I think we cannot use ‘a lot’ with adjectives. We use them to say there are so many or so much of something or to say how often something happens . Here, I would use ‘really beneficial’ )
* “will not help us to not only” (double negative)
The vocabulary shows room for improvement.
Score: 4.5/6
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* This essay is 377 words long. The minimum word limit is 250. There is no upper word limit and a long essay, in itself, won’t hurt your score. However, a longer essay might leave us with less time to proofread what we have written. Likewise, a longer essay might include ideas that are not relevant or ‘focused’.
* While answering a two part question, we use the first body paragraph to answer the first question and the second one to address the second question. I felt that the second body paragraph’s focus was not as clear as the first one’s. The second question was ‘Do you think this is a positive or a negative situation?’ The point about the absence of toilets and women coaches was still answering the first question ‘what are the reasons?’. The second paragraph should be discussing the positive or negative aspects of the situation.
* ‘In conclusion, it must be said that participation of women in sports should be given as much prominence as men.’ Please check out the conclusions in the sample essays. The main purpose of the conclusion is to restate the main points. We can include a recommendation, but after restating the main points in a condensed form.
Score : 5/6
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* ‘the sport’ ( Since we are talking about sports in general, ‘sports’ would be better here without ‘the’)
* ‘men have been thinking’ (this tense is not appropriate here – please look up ‘stative verbs’ and also ‘I think vs I am thinking’)
* ‘and they only have the right’ (and only they have the right)
* ‘the government hardly promotes sports related to females and provides them a platform to prove themselves.’ (Please look up ‘and/or in negative sentences’)
* ‘who participate in any sport feel inferior as the reason they dropped out.’ ( what you meant is ‘and as a result they drop out’ . I’m not sure if ‘as they reason’ can work here. The tense in ‘dropped out’ is wrong, it should be ‘drop out’ because we are talking about something general here)Score : 4.5/6
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* “Apart from that, I am expecting a letter”
* ” from my side as a token of appreciation.” (I would have written “as a token of appreciation from my side ” or simply “as a token of appreciation”Score: 5/6 Addressed the task fully. Error-free sentences.
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* The essay is slightly longer than it needed to be. It’s not a problem in itself. A long essay is not a problem as long as you have the time to proofread everything and your ideas don’t lose their focus.
* ‘environs’ (This word is listed in the dictionaries I checked, but I don’t think it fits here. Please check)
* Please review ‘increase in the phenomenon of migrant labour’ . It sounds incorrect to me.
* ” millions of migrant labour.” ‘abour’ can be used collectively to refer to workers. However, when you specify them with a number, shouldn’t it be ‘labourers’?
Score: 5/6
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* “I had requested the hotel staff but they denied it” [( I had made a request, but it was denied) would sound better ]
* “if in case” is not correct. We do not use ‘if’ and ‘in case’ together. Either can be used depending on the context. The whole sentence was a bit confusing. I suggest looking up ‘conditional clauses’ to clarify the rules related to it.
“I’ll give you my number when I hand him over so that you can let me know if he doesn’t feel good” is how I would have written it.
4.5/6
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* The first body paragraph
The sentence starting with “From organised schedules…” is not complete. I understand that you wrote it as a continuation of ‘activities’ mentioned in the sentence before it. In that kind of situation, you would use either a comma or a semi-colon.
We try to avoid elaborate ideas with many sub-parts because we won’t be able to expand or ‘develop’ them properly. I felt that the ideas in your first body paragraph were a bit crowded together and the sequencing was a bit vague. I shall elaborate this in the class.
* “Children who go against fulfilling the societal norms are frowned upon” We usually use frowned upon with things or activities, not people. “Smoking is frowned upon”. I did find some sentence examples like “Working mothers are frowned upon”. So, it’s probably not wrong, but I still wanted to point it out.
* Usually, each paragraph would address a part of the question : “Why is the tradition of families eating their meals together disappearing?” Answering a question like this in just a single paragraph is definitely challenging and we don’t, in fact we shouldn’t, try to go too deep into it. We present an idea or two and we develop it further. Check out the sample essays I shared.
* I recommend using either ‘in conclusion’ or ‘to conclude’ for the conclusion. It’s overused, but the there are no discourse markers that can truly replace them. Your conclusion presents a few ideas which were never discussed in the essay. This shouldn’t be done unless you are below the word limit and it’s the last option. Otherwise, you should simply restate your main ideas in the conclusion. Again, check out how this is done in the sample essays.
Excellent grammatical control. The coherence, more specifically, the sequencing was a bit weak.
4.5/6
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* “the reasons that why that has happened” (the reasons why….) not (the reasons that why…). “why that is happening” might be better than ”why that has happened”
* “by society is, due to the” (no comma necessary here)
* “because this attitude thwarted the women” (why the past tense here? Since we are discussing the topic in a general way, “this attitude thwarts” is what you would use) A similar problem in “women players lost their confidence and feel abandoned” (lose)
* “This is also distraught” (We do not say “This is distraught” , we usually say “I was distraught”, “he was distraught” etc. )
* “career” misspelled as “carrier”
4.5/6
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* “provided that a person thrives for it” (strives for it)
* ” have a better infrastructure” (infrastructure) is uncountable, ” have better infrastructure” is enough.*”an urban city from a village”
*” But at the same time”Score: 5.5/6
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* Please look up ‘less’ vs ‘few’ and ‘lesser’ vs ‘fewer’. ‘Lesser people’ and ‘fewer people’ are not the same.
* Your sentences generally are structurally sound. If you notice that there is time for proofreading, I recommend reviewing your word choices. You must also reread your own essays and look up and confirm the correctness of any words or expressions that do not sound correct.
By word choice problems, I mean things like ‘In order to curb this situation’ – I do not think that we can ever say ‘curb a situation’ in the same way that we say ‘solve this situation’ or ‘fix this situation’
Score : 5.5/6
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*The use of “can be of a greater good” is a bit confusing. “The greater good” is a common expression. However, it doesn’t make sense here.
If by “can be of a greater good” you meant to say that the hospitals and schools in cities provide better quality services than the ones in the villages, then it would not be correct.
* “In Addition” (There was no reason to capitalize ‘addition’)
* “they get more opportunities to explore different cultures which also makes them more sociable”
A comma after ‘cultures’ would make this sentence better. Look up ‘when to use commas before which’
* “on the contrary”
* “may lead to some people remain unemployed” (may lead to some people remaining unemployed)
* You raised many relevant points in a clear way. However, we need to not only present ideas. We must ‘extend’ and ‘explain’ them. We must support them with other ideas. Check out the sample essays I shared. There, you will see that the writer introduces a point and then in the next sentence or two develops it further.
Score: 4.5/6
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* I don’t feel sure about the use of ‘augmented’ in BP1. Please review its use and confirm whether it can be used in the context you intended. It cannot be used interchangeably with ‘an increase in the number of’
* ‘graph of road accidents also boomed’ ( this is an unusual way of expressing that idea)
* ‘People usually violate traffic rules, and due to that innocent people lost their lives’ ( innocent people lose their lives…)
* The question asks why people feel less safe even though there is less crime. Although I can clearly understand your argument, I feel like the essay could have addressed this question in a better way.
Score: 4.5/6
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* Make sure to pay attention to logical sequencing of ideas. This essay didn’t have any real problems. However, you must remember to introduce a point first and to give explanations and examples after it. Being able to present a well-developed argument in this way is important for both ‘Task Achievement’ and ‘Coherence and Cohesion’. Trying to include too many ideas in the same paragraph or using a complex idea with many sub-parts can cause problems here.
* ‘often discouraged to pursue it.’ (‘discouraged from pursuing it’ is better)
* The conclusion should be a paraphrased restatement of the main ideas.
* There is a lot of topic-specific vocabulary used with precision. At the same time, some word choices sound a bit unusual.5.5/6
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*’Secondly, people, especially youngsters, are not’
* ‘take the children to historical sites’
* ‘people feel monotonous to go to the museums and are unwilling to learn’
* Modal verbs could have improved some sentences
‘These activities encourage kids to’ (would encourage kids to)
‘artificial intelligence technologies are introduced to’ (can be introduced to…)Score : 4.5 /6
Some IELTS experts advise candidates not to use the ‘firstly…secondly…’ structure to list points.
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* “I got a job offer in New York, so I’ll be moving” ( I think a comma after New York makes the sentence more readable)
* ‘I have a three sitter sofa made of latex, it’s very comfortable and soft, I’m sure you you will like it.’ ( I would have either made the last part of the sentence a separate sentence or connected it with ‘and’ ‘comfortable and soft and I’m sure you…’ )
* ‘one of its legs‘
* ‘occupied with the packing the stuffs’ (‘with the packing the stuffs’ is not correct. I would use ‘occupied with packing all my stuff) (‘stuff’ is used with the plural ‘s’ when we talk about unspecified belongings)
* ‘Please free to drop’ (feel free)
*’Even if, I’m not available’ (no comma needed here ‘Even if I’m not…’)
* ‘ furniture’s’ (why the possessive ‘s’ here? )Score : 4.5/6 (Although there is a lot of precise informal vocabulary used naturally, the errors are more than just a few)
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* ‘brought’ in the place of ‘bought’
* In this sentence, I would use ‘bought a study table’ instead of ‘one study table’
* ‘made with oak plywood.’ ( I believe it should be ‘made of’ rather than ‘made with’ here)
* ‘all details’ (all the details)Score:5/6
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* ‘regarding my job in your’ ( I would use ‘regarding a job…’ because it is not something you have right now)
* ‘Last Sunday, when we were going from Pune to Delhi’ ( Usually when we use ‘when’ to introduce a clause, the other clause is in the same sentence. Here, you wrote it as a second sentence after a full stop)
* ‘As you have been related to this field’ ( I think ‘As you have been in this field’ is better)
Most of the sentences were structurally sound and error-free.
Score : 5/6
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*’ women are not allowed to’ (women were not)
* The sequencing of ideas could have been improved in the first body paragraph.
* ‘every one’s’ (everyone’s)
* In the conclusion you said ‘movies play a vital role to spread fear in the society’. However, this idea was not mentioned in the body paragraph. We always restate what we have already said in the conclusion.4.5/6
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* ‘a terrible justice system’
* ‘perpetuators’ (perpetrators)
* ‘any action being held against them’ (I think ‘any action being taken against them’ is better)*’projected to extreme tortures’ (subjected to extreme forms of torture) [‘projected to torture’ sounds incorrect to me. Please check]
* ‘In order to rip them off ‘ ( The phrasal verb ‘rip off’ when used in this sense usually has a different meaning. It might not fit here)
Score: 5/6
