Faculty Shahbaz
FacultyForum Replies Created
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* ‘every piece of information’ ( ‘information’ is uncountable)
* ‘People come to know…’ or ‘find out’ or’ people hear…’ would have worked better than ‘people know’ here.
* ‘as fast as it happened’ (as soon as it happens)‘People find out every detail of every theft, rape or murder as soon as they happen’
* ‘When we looked at the past’ (look )
* ‘For a start, Government’ (government) [do not capitalize after an introductory phrase]
* ‘their business.’ (their own businesses)
Score: 4.5/6
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* ‘The advertisement of the same saw on the Internet.’ ( I saw the advertisement of the same on the Internet)
* ‘They’ not capitalized.
* I think it’s better not to use ‘please’ right after ‘I request…’
* ‘in our current project to enhance the quality of the project.’ (‘and enhance its quality’ is better )
4.5/6
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* This is a better first paragraph : “I recently came across an advertisement for a training
course that I think would be really useful for
my professional development. I’m writing to explain why I think it would be a great course for me to do” .* I don’t understand why you capitalized ‘scrum’ and ’email’.
* ‘it will be ease for’ (easy) – look up ‘easy’ vs ‘ease’
I recommend reading good sample letters to familiarize yourself with the various expressions we use to make requests etc.
Score: 4/6
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* “…interested to look….” (interested in looking) is better.
* I’m not sure if “deeply discounted” is correct.
More corrections in the pdf.4.5/6
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* “has been a matter of concern”
* “not just for some developing as well as developed countries” (not just for some developing countries, but for some developed ones as well)
* “In Addition” (unnecessary capitalization)
* “it’s citizens” should be “its citizens” (look up ‘it’s’ vs ‘its’
* In the second body paragraph, a comma after ‘state’
* ‘and also counselling the citizens…”
* The conclusion was well-written.
* “not cooperative to lodge a complaint” ( I think it should be : not cooperative when it comes to lodging…)
* Paragraphing : It doesn’t make sense to me why there had to be two separate paragraphs discussing the solution.Similarly, the first body paragraph tried to include three separate points. While there is technically no clear-cut limit to the number of points you can include, I feel that with anything more than two, we end up not being able to expand them properly.
4.5/6
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* ‘less safe than before’ cannot be paraphrased as ‘unsafe than before’ (unsafe compared to before)
* Please check out the sample essays that were shared. The ideas are sometimes too crowded in your sentences are not arranged in an organized manner. Several commas are missing. e.g. “In my opinion, if we improve their quality of life” As I have said before, long sentences are necessary, but they should be well-organized and readable.* Where you transitioned with ‘coming to my next point’ is where it would have been better to start a new sentence.
* ‘day today’ (day-to-day)
Read one of the sample essays closely, paying special attention to how the ideas are arranged and how they are sequenced in the sentences. Make sure that you proof-read your essays well.
3.5/6
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* ‘to be a part of’
* Please look up sentences with ‘so that’ . Here, ‘leisure time so that, they can enhance their skills’ the comma after so that was not needed.
* ‘make them to improve their creativity’ (‘make them improve’ [we don’t use ‘to’ with ‘make + + noun/pronoun + verb ] ‘help them improve’ would have been better here )
* ‘children spending their time alone will become introvert’ (introverts)
* ‘They tries to’ (They try to)This was one of your best essays in comparison. It had fewer errors and many well-written sentences. However, there are still quite a few noticeable errors.
4.5/6
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* “According to data collected from survey” – A sentence like this would be acceptable as an example to support an argument in the body paragraphs. We don’t, however, use sentences like this one in the introductory paragraph. Here, the question does not mention any survey.
* ‘Good learning curve’ sounds wrong, especially if you mean ‘a learning experience’. We sometimes say ‘a steep learning curve’. Please check a definition and make sure if you have used it correctly.
* ‘In Group activities’ (unnecessary capital letter , and a comma should have followed it)
* The sequencing of ideas in the first paragraph can be improved. The second paragraph was much better in this regard and the ideas were clearer and well-developed.
* ‘try to find like minded to work on the idea.’ (like-minded what? I think you mean ‘like-minded friends’ or ‘peers’)
4.5/6
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* ‘Let you know that’ is usually not immediately followed by a comma.
* ‘have a coffee there’ (have a cup of coffee there/ have coffee there)
* ‘through it off’ (throw it off/ throw it away)
* ‘Totally there are two’ (In total, there are…)
* ‘You can come on this weekend’ (the ‘on’ is not needed here)
* ‘to have our dinner’ (to have dinner)4.5/6
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* The letter is too long. It is true that there is no upper word limit in the writing test and an essay/letter won’t lose points just for being too long. However, when an essay/letter is too long, you won’t have enough time to proofread it properly and your ideas might ‘lose focus’.
* ‘a often heard’ (an often-heard)
* I believe it’s ‘many a time’ and not ‘many a times’ with an ‘s’. In the same sentence, did you mean to use ‘clients’ instead of ‘client’? That would have made more sense.
* ‘solutions must be taken’ I don’t think it’s correct to say that a solution ‘must be taken’. We ‘take’ ‘measures’, ‘steps’ etc.
* ‘feel like home’ I think ‘feel at home’ is better. Please check.
* ‘coffee’ was misspelt. Most likely a typo.
5/6
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* ‘Promote’ does not work here as a synonym of encourage. We encourage someone to do something. However, ‘we promote someone to do something’ is wrong.
* Some missing commas. For example, before ‘while’ in the first sentence.
* ‘It will be discussed the two viewpoints’ – these two viewpoints will be discussed
* ‘any group activities’ (any group activity)
* ‘boast the team spirit’ (boost?)
* ‘will make them more discipline’ (will make them more disciplined)
* The first sentence of the first body paragraph is too long. We do need long, multi-clause sentences in our IELTS essay. You shouldn’t try to write only shorter sentences. However, if the sentence is too long that the reader forgets how it started by the time they get to its end, then you probably need to break it up into smaller sentences.
* ‘ to get involve’ ( to get involved)
* Please review ‘the passive voice’. Make sure your passive voice sentences use the participles properly.
* In the conclusion, you don’t necessarily have to write ‘some individuals believe…’. You can present both views even without doing so.
* Task response : I feel like the ‘your view’ part was not properly expressed. Check out the sample structure I shared.
Score: 4/6
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* ‘communication skills’ is almost always used with the plural ‘skills’
* ” they know the importance of team” — I would have used “they would come to know the importance of” or “they would learn the importance of”
* ‘using social media that leads to health problems’ –> ‘and that leads to’ would make the sentence better. It would also be possible to connect these two clauses with a different cohesive device.
* ‘good qualities from each others that necessary for one’s development.’ (good qualities that are necessary – good qualities from each others that are necessary for one’s development )* Task response : I feel like the ‘your view’ part was not properly expressed. Check out the sample structure I shared.
Score: 4.5/6
Although there are not many issues with this essay, there is still some room for improvement.
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* ‘As you requested in your last letter regarding to search the house and furniture.’
This sentence was a bit confusing. Usually when we start a sentence like this with ‘as’, it has a second part. ‘As you did ABC, I did XYZ’ . ‘Regarding to search’ also does not work.
* ‘a glass on its top’ I feel like it should be ‘a pane of glass’ or something like that and not just ‘a glass’.
* You can use time markers like ‘this weekend’ , ‘next weekend, ‘this Friday’, ‘every month’ etc. without any prepositions. So, you can say ‘I would like to invite you and Lira to dinner next weekend.’
Score : 4.5/6
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* ‘not spend huge amounts of money’
* You don’t have to preface an argument in the body paragraph with ‘I think…’You wrote:
“I think developed nations use funds collected from the citizens of that
nation and use that money for space exploration, Although it can be put
to better use. “You could have written:
“The funds that developed nations collect from their citizens and use for space exploration can be be put to better use”
* “from the past few
decades” (for the past few decades)* “looking
at the facts make me change” (looking
at the facts makes me change) [This is called ‘the error of proximity’. Even though ‘facts’ comes right before the verb ‘make’, its subject is actually ‘looking at facts’ and that is grammatically singular and would take the -s form of the verb]* “According to me, Developed nations” (The capital D makes no sense here. You capitalize letters at the beginning of sentences. The first letter after an introductory phrase is not capitalized)
* ” because developing nations have less vaccines, achieving
that is a hard task” (added a comma after ‘vaccines’)* “only chance of success at this is when
developed nations will come forward and help these nations.”– This could have been a separate sentence
– ‘when developed nations come forward’ – ‘will’ is not used with clauses starting with ‘after’ , ‘when’ ‘if’ etc.” I will give him the product when he gives me the money” (not ‘when he will give)
Score : 4 or 4.5/6.
Some of the mistakes like unnecessary capital letters can be fixed quite easily. There is a lot of room for improvement.
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* It is not recommended to put rhetorical questions in your introduction. Once you have paraphrased the question, write a thesis statement and an essay outline.
* “Do space exploration is a need of today?” — Is space exploration…today?
* One instance of a sentence starting with a small letter.
* Some of your word choices and use of commas are slightly unusual. For example, ‘expensed out’. ‘Competition’ and ‘rivalry’ are not exactly interchangeable. ‘Rivalry’ assumes some degree of hostility. These word choice errors can bring down the vocabulary score. The test expects your vocabulary to be not only varied, but also accurate and natural. That is to say that a native speaker or an educated reader would not find them unusual.
* ‘ the argument is got underscore.’ is not correct. –> I am not sure how correct this expression is. However, ‘is underscore’ does not work grammatically. It would have to be ‘is underscored’ or ‘gets underscored’ . A similar error – ‘should be kept continue’ (should be continued)
Score: 4.5/6
Some of your longer sentences demonstrate good grammatical intuition. However, the mistakes are not few and are quite noticeable.
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* We do not say that ‘[something] has taken place by [someone]’ . In this context, ‘have been conducted by’ would have been the best replacement.
* I’m not sure if ‘cast the reasons’ is correct. It could be. I could not find any sentences with it.
* “gives every information which would require for… ” (gives all kinds of information which would be required for…”
* “This space exploration help” (helps) subject-verb agreement error.
* ” study space and about any possible threat from space” – since this idea was already stated earlier as ‘to find out about the possible menace from space’, an example would have been better in its place.
Score : 4.5
There were quite a few error-free, well-written sentences. However, the errors are also quite noticeable.
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* ‘the children who prefer to take a break between their studies after completing school have many positive sides.’ (‘The children…have positive sides’ is a bit odd. I would say ‘Taking a break has many positive sides’ or ‘ The children… enjoying many benefits)
* ‘disconnected with education and could not focus on higher studies.’ (and cannot focus)
* ‘behind of their classmates’ (behind their classmates)* ‘of free time that they have before.’ (Did you mean ‘the free time that they did not have before’ ?)
* Two sentences started with a small letter. ‘on the other hand’
4.5/6
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* ‘famous’ is not a suitable word choice here.
* Please review the use of the past tense in the first sentence of the first body paragraph. Since it’s a general trend and not something that happened only in the past , I would use ‘opt’ rather than ‘opted’.* ‘it will lead to change their thoughts’ (lead to a change…)
* The sentence that starts with ‘These kinds of benefits to turning away from tertiary education’ is a bit confusing.
4.5/6
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* ‘coaching class’ (classes)
* ‘Without a break they may not get good score.’ (comma after break ‘Without a break, they may…)
* ‘they will not confuse to choose their career’ (they will not be confused when they choose their career)
* ‘not regret for choosing their area of interest’ (will not regret choosing their area of interest’)
* I had once corrected ‘in addition to it’ and told you that ‘in addition to that’ is better. That’s true. Similarly, just ‘in addition’ can only work in some of these situations.
* ‘more extra years’ (just ‘more years’ would have been sufficient)
* ‘Students who go for work during the gap will feel difficult to resume’
4/6
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* ‘team are expertise’ is wrong. It could have been ‘As our team’s expertise in in Java’
* We usually say ‘in the future’ and not ‘in future’.
* Please check out some sentence examples with ‘so that’. Basically, we usually use ‘so that’ in the middle of a sentence like ‘I gave him a pen so that he could write with it’. and not ‘I gave him a pen. So that, he could write with it’ (wrong)‘Please consider my apologize’ ( ‘apologize’ is the verb. Here, it should be ‘Please accept my apology’ )
4/6
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* Did you mean ‘contract’ in the place of ‘contact’ ?
* ‘I worked on this project since last two months’ (for the last two months) [look up ‘for’ vs ‘since’ to know more about the difference]
* We do not say ‘could not able to’. It should be ‘could not complete’ or ‘was not able to complete’
* ‘and reduce reputation’ would not work.4.5/ 6
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* Please look up ‘the simple past’ vs ‘the present perfect’. It should have been ‘some days before, my laptop crashed’.
* ‘for my all project’ (for all my projects)
* ‘I lost all my data and key information due to that, I have missed the deadline of the project.’4.5/6
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* ‘light on the dire need..’
* I feel that ‘on behalf of the government’ cannot be used when you mean ‘from the government’ .
Your vocabulary is quite extensive and your grammatical control is excellent. However, there are a couple of word choices which sound a bit unusual. They don’t cause any confusion.
* ‘make our existence on Earth smoother‘
‘reserve secrets and mysteries’
‘reach out to valuable data’
5/6 -
“Governments which belong to the developed nation spending too much money to explore space”.
-A linking verb is missing here. It should be ‘are spending’ or it could have been just ‘spend’.
– ‘the developed nation’ should have been ‘developed nations’ ?
-‘ money should not spend more on space’ –> ‘more money should not be spent on space’
– ‘United States and Russia invests’ (invest) [subject-verb agreement error]* ‘astronomy’ and ‘space travel’ are not exactly the same. Astronomy also includes studying the celestial bodies without space travel.
* ‘Syria’ not ‘Siriya’ (This is not really an issue)
* ‘ Countries like Siriya and Somalia people are starving for food.’ ( In countries like…)* The conclusion introduces a new point related to ‘remote sensing’. Please check out the conclusions in the sample essays. We can add a new recommendation if we need to get to the word limit. However, in the conclusion paragraph, we always try to restate the main idea by paraphrasing it.
4/6
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* ‘on space exploration, especially by developed countries, often brings up..’ (commas)
* ‘is a sheer waste of ..’
* the sentence ‘have been able to find space’ is not entirely clear. Do you mean that they have been able to find planets?
* ‘a better place to live [the word here is not readable]’
* ‘the huge amounts of money spent of space exploration is…’ I think an ‘if’ might be missing at the beginning of this sentence. Please check.
* ‘as any amount’ not ‘any amounts’ (conclusion paragraph)* 4.5/6
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* In the paper-based test, your handwriting needs to be ‘legible’. I am able to read your writing very well. Occasionally, your ‘u’s ‘c’s, ‘e’s and ‘a’s are a bit confusing. The last word in the first paragraph is not clear. That’s all that you really need to fix – any letters that can be confusing to the reader. Other than that, the handwriting does not have to be ‘beautiful’ or elegant.
* We don’t usually say ‘mentioned about X’, we just say ‘ ABC mentioned XYZ’
* ‘from last six months’ should have been ‘for the last six months’.
* ‘deny them for entry’ would not be correct. We usually ‘deny someone something’ not ‘for something’. So, I believe it should be ‘deny them entry’ or ‘deny them entrance’
* ‘This has also affecting’ (This has also been affecting…)
* ‘an another article ‘ is unnecessary, just ‘publish another article’ is enough.* Please check out some letter samples. Your paragraphing can improve a bit. I shall elaborate this in class.
4/6
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* “a piece of wrong information”
* ‘I am [Name] is probably not a good way to start your first line. Check out the sample letters I shared with you.* “documenting about my town” sounds a bit wrong. ‘documenting the details about my town for travelers…’ is probably better.
* Check out some sentence examples with ‘so that’. Basically, the ‘so that’ should not have started in a second sentence. It usually works in one sentence, like this : I bought him a cake so that he would be happy.
4.5/6
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* since ‘facts’ are by definition correct, we do not say ‘incorrect facts’. ‘incorrect information’ or even just an ‘error’ would have worked here.
* missing comma
“The monsoon season starts in May, but you mentioned it starts at the end of June.”4.5/6
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* When you wish to emphasize that only few people want to do something, ‘a few people..’ will not convey that idea fully.
“In the recent time, a few people want to choose their career as teacher” (In recent times, very few people want to chose a career in teaching)
* “in the past” is better than “in past time”
* “children into a better person” (children into better people / a child into a better person)
* Look up ‘less’ vs ‘fewer’
*”Parents also teach their children some basic etiquettes for example” (parents should also teach…)
Overall, I believe this essay had fewer errors than the ones I checked before. You could work a bit more on organizing the ideas and the conclusion paragraph.
4.5/6
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I think it’s better to start an essay like this one with ‘I am writing to make some suggestions…’ or ‘to provide some feedback’.
“Most of the complaints, which I received, were about” ( The commas in this sentence were not necessary. Please look up ‘relative clause when to use commas’)
* “people would not be felt comfortable” (people did not feel comfortable / people do not feel comfortable)
* “where visitors comes” (come) [subject-verb agreement errors]
* “I advise to some changes in the facility department of our company because their work not up to the mark” ( ‘to make some changes…’ ….. ‘their work is not up to the mark…)
* “These steps may be improved the ratings of” (may improve the ratings of…)
4/6
