Faculty Falak
FacultyForum Replies Created
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it has become one of the trend (trends)
achieving (to shop unnecessary things) something that is really
some reason(s), with (examples) an example that is based on my experience (from my own experience)
obviosally (obviously,)
can relive (release) stress
more impact(s)
lead to environmental issue (can degrade environment )
extremally (extremely)
Because of citizens buying (because people buy)
for (to) reduce their stress and then to their own (for their) happiness
reserch (research)
evalute (evaluate)
it doesnot difficult to (It can be easily managed by financially sound people)
impact on personally (individuals) and society
Band: 2/6
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groups (Groups)
, i (I) will describe (discuss merits and demerits) a number of my views
one (One) of the many Advantages (advantages)
sporting (supporting)
Often, people do not feel interested in looking at clothes like theirs, so they do not interfere with their work (sentence seems to contradict the context, just because of grammatical error , it is questioning the cohesion)
trying to avoid being (wearing) uniform.
arguments stated in body paragraphs have not been developed fully. Sentences are incomplete and certainly disturbing the overall progression throughout. Sentence structure, lexical resources and grammar accuracy should be considered.
Band: 2.5/6
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I am writing this letter to inform you that there is a lot of disturbance coming from your newly opened food chain. (writing this letter to complain you about…)
since (past) few days,
there car’s (their cars) very rashly, a
creating inconvenience to (is damaging the )the children’s playing around the society
second bullet point is not developed fully.
we will be filing a case on your restaurant (in) nearby police station.
Band: 1/3
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i (I) purchased brand new Iphone
from your website (It was received in a broken condition) received was not in good condition.
Early this week (,) i (I) placed a (an) order of Iphone
phone case (these) were delivered yesterday (and to my surprise) was not functioning properly
sentences are incomplete, thus lacks cohesion and grammatical accuracy and range also needs to be consider.
Keep writing!!
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It is suggested to write “overall” in the overview
We can see the farmland and forest area. In the South, We can see a few shops along the roadside, the fish market by the sea. Towards the South-East there is a hotel and a cafe along the roadside. (monotonous sentence structure)
Try to keep time track.
Band: 1.5/3
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Try to use adjectives and adverbs to highlight the nature of trend
I am expecting feature paragraphs to be bit more elaborated
Grouping of data is missing.
Band: 1.5/3
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The pie charts shows the data of China which shows ( sentence structure needs to be improved here)
Overall, it seems that food is the basic need of the people which is highest among all the essentials (in both the years)
The expenditure on food display (displays) highest in the year 1995 (however, I would suggest to write in -past tense)
which later fall (falls) to 59% in 2011.
spending on clothings remain (remains)
Two feature paragraphs are required as per the structure discussed in the class, hence comparison and grouping of data has been found limited.
Band: 1.5/3
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word count of task is 133 words , whereas it should be minimum 150 words
It is advised to mention “overall” in overview.
More comparison and grouping of data is required
Band: 1.5/3
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Overview needs to be mentioned after introduction. It should begin with cohesive device “overall” and must talk about the trends.
Last but no the least (,) medicine occupied the least space for the two years
Task lacks the structure as suggested , don’t write conclusion in task 1. Sentence structure needs to be improved.
Band: 1.5/3
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I believe , the purpose of writing could be more elaborated , giving more clarity.
Keep writing!!
Band: 2/3
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household expenditure of (on) goods in the China from (for) year 1995 and 2011.
it seems that maximum income (is being spent) spends on the household goods and
food items has increase (increased) from year 1995 to 2011,
less amount spends (is being spent) on clothing as compared to year 1995. /( The expenditure on clothing has been reduced , but with a marginal difference)
which requires in house (household items)
this expenditure has decreases (decreased)
Maintain the tense throughout.
Band: 1.5/3
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Thus, introducing the idea of wearing a uniform (which- not required) may have its advantages as well as disadvantages.
create (creates) a goodwill
wearing a uniform helps in growth of an organisations. (organisation)
No example found in B.P 2
Task achievement , coherence and cohesion with effort of varied sentence structure , appreciated. Keep up the good work!!
Band : 4.5/6
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which brings the integrity between (among) them.
Conclusion is not as effective as I was expecting after reading the entire essay , conclusion is actually the paraphrasing of the introduction. Question is not asking whether companies should keep the dress code or not , rather advantages and disadvantages , better to reflect this thing in conclusion.
Band: 4/6
Keep writing!!
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. In addition to that, there is a need of uniform in case (in order to promote the company) of promotion of the company
I want to conclude that uniforms should not be compulsory at workplace (advised not to give opinion , as question is not asking about it)
Keep writing!!
Band: 4/6
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well-written , exactly captured the feedback. Keep writing!!
Band: 4/6
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Customers are more inclined to do business with employees who wear the companies’ uniform (paraphrasing has not been done right)
On the other hand,(moreover,) uniform provides recognition to particular brand by promoting it.
Moreover,uniform creates an environment of hardwork , on the other hand,uniform becomes an obstacle in the growth of the company as well as the employees. (didn’t get the purpose of the sentence as statement seems to contradict itself)
Employees fell (feel) lethargic as
Feedback : Essay is not following the structure as discussed in the class , two body paragraphs are required (advantages and disadvantages) , rather than constructing 3-4 shorter ones.
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school circumplasm (curriculum)
few don’t agree with the same thought. (this should not be mentioned ; question is not asking to discuss both views )
Introduction lacks the thesis statement.
According to me, (In my opinion)/ To commence with,
he idea to add an activity in children’s academic year (topic sentence is too general as it is including “an activity”)
if they met (meet) any needy,
not only (to) humans but (to) animals as well.
because institutions are (have been) following Swachh Bharat abhyanga for the last 10 years
it helps the selector to understand the roots of a person (.) furthermore (,) it provides an idea of
not only of (by) teachers
Band: 3/6
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For illustrates, (To illustrate)
applying uniform rules to all employee. (employees)
I really struggle (struggled)
there are some disadvantages of wearing uniform like staff of the companies can feel discomfort due to safety shoes as the weight of this particular shoes is much more as compared to our regular shoes
Moreover, there will be lack of motivation (owing to the fact , wearing uniform at workplace leads to) to monotonous nature in companies.
employees (employees’) safety
Task achievement, CC has been observed. Lexical resources need bit of attention , may use less common words . Sentence structure had limited range.
Keep writing!!
Band: 3.5/6
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Today we will be discussing about professional outfits benefits and drawback in companies. ( There is some definite pattern to write introduction which includes paraphrasing, outline and thesis statement, kindly follow that)
them (there) to help.
question was “many organizations and companies ask their staff to wear uniform”, though essay seems to go tangential with approach , its completely highlighting the personal benefits of wearing uniform. I would appreciate if you align he reasons with company perspective too, that will add coherence to essay.
Band: 2/6
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iraq (Iraq) – proper noun
earthquake is a one word
I suggest to stick with the pattern as discussed in class. There has been lots of extra information , along with various analogies , which can reduce the effectiveness of argument.
Do keep time track of 40 minutes.
Keep writing!!
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Task achievement and cohesion , coherence can be easily observed . However, sentence structure seems to be quite monotonous and lexical resources can be improved.
Band: 3.5/6
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In today’s era of well standard of living, unpaid community service is as important as paid service.In today’s era of well standard of living, unpaid community service is as important as paid service. (I am not very convinced with the background statement as it seems to be out of the context)
Example in B.P 1, needs to bit more coherent or explained
Word count of given essay is 235 , which should be 250 words minimum. Clearly, the explanation and reasons have not been developed fully. The criteria of Task response is compromised.
Band: 3/6
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Even though it has some positives, despite some advantages – (These statements talks about certain benefits, since you are mentioning them , try to show something relevant to these points in any of the body paragraphs too, your statements will be more justified then)
Coherence and cohesion is maintained. There has been use of different variety of sentence structures as well .
Though there is definitely some room for improvement in lexical resources.
Keep writing!!
Band: 4/6
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example in B.P 1, seems most suitable for solution paragraph
One of the ways by which it can be solved is by providing opportunities to the older people which requires minimal manpower. ( One of the ways by which it can be solved is by providing opportunities that requires minimal manpower to the older people)
second and third solution in B.P 2 , are not fully developed
Band: 3/6
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In Introduction, paraphrasing is mentioning about two views, which is certainly not the question
belive (believe)
Voluteerism (volunteerism)
Increasing value of knowledge is part of school (Knowledge enhancement is one the important aspects of schooling)
It must be based for (to) improve student’s base
it’s help to student ( It helps students)
interships (Internships)
as a consequences (consequence)
Volunteerism is effect on students (can effect their behaviour)
Circulum (curriculum)
Feedback : Need to work on basic sentence structure and spellings are also one of the major concerns. At times, answer went off the track too.
Band: 2/6
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In today’s era, the expected life of an individual is globally increased. Due to Global movement in all the sectors like health, social, economic and education the old, aged people population is increasing. There are a few factors we need to take care of so that we can manage our old-age people population. (Introduction is mentioning the reasons , I would advise to mention the problems and respective solution in outline and thesis statement)
I would suggest to write problems and solutions distinctively in B.P 1 and B.P 2 respectively.
As old people cannot take care of themself, (themselves)
B.P 3, on robots seems way too elaborated , main points could be covered in B.P 2.
Follow the essay structure as discussed in the class.
At times, certain sentences found to have lack of cohesion and tend to generalize the things
Keep writing!!
Band: 2.5/6
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it keeps (kept) on decreasing till 1982.
Need to select key features and make comparisons where relevant. Mentioning each and every detail can be troublesome to manage in 20 minutes.
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Overview is missing after introduction
An (A) reverse trend
More grouping and comparison data would have been appreciated.
Band: 1.5/3
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It is advisable to write overview after introduction , which will describe the trends
Answer is describing each transport with details, but the grouping and comparison of data is missing as question demands.
Band: 1.5/3
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Well-written.
Band: 2.5/3
