Faculty Falak
FacultyForum Replies Created
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when it is (was) most required.
james bond (James Bond) – proper noun
profound way which make(s) easier
these are the mainly (main) department(s) who (which) use
Abc (Full name)
Make use of cohesive devices in order to maintain flow of expression.
Band: 1.5/3
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I am writing this letter (to) inform you that I have
express my gratitude towards you (for) lending me a book.
Proof -read is must in order to avoid minor slips.
keep writing!!
Band: 2.5/3
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There is need to use wide range of structures, make use of cohesive devices in order to establish cohesion even better.
Keep writing!!
band: 2/3
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I apologies (apologize)
Feedback : clearly, the response in under length , hence limited use of structures, phrases, vocabulary has been observed. Bullet points need bit more of explanation in order to fulfil the word count.
Band: 1/3
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a Six months (of period)
Your(s) sincerely (faithfully)
Rescently (recently)
Mr kim (Kim)
Abesence (Absence)
i (I) have already submitted
marshal (Marshal)
there is (are) no up coming events
Tecnical (Technical)
which will be reslove (resolved) soon.
Rather then (than)
leena (Leena)
showen (Shown)
She has been taken major role in one of our previous project – faulty as per context
. Miss leena has taken responsibility has (as) IT network administracter (administrator)
Be careful with the points mentioned above
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one of my friend(s)
making them a responsible citizens (citizen)
all (-)round
, on the other hand (moreover) dealing with elder people
sentence structure needs to be improved
keep writing!!!
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Feedback : Use of cohesive devices, dependent clauses will make writing even more effective. Make use of past tense for 1990 in order to establish more clarity.
keep writing!!
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Feedback : There is good improvement. Although I advise to mention how these disadvantages can be mitigated in B.P 2 to justify your opinion. Keep working to improve and include the range of structures. At some instances, more explanation could increase more cohesion among sentences
Band: 3/6
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Hence (,) it is intro-controvertible that the abroad study provides many benefits.
Therefore (,) it is fair to claim
Response is justified on cohesion and coherence ; however, there is definite room for improvement in grammatical range . Be careful with the usage of punctuation
keep writing!!
Band: 3.5/6
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who maintains (maintain) – the subject is “people” here.
Universities have become an integral role (part) in a person’s professional
Feedback : answer is well- developed . Cohesion is maintained throughout. However, there is room for improvement in grammatical range. Keep writing!!
band: 3.5/6
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master of business administrator (administration) from
especially in body paragraph 1, all the sentences are connected by “which” – monotonous sentence structure.
pupils can able ( either go for “can” or ” be able” ) to learn basic expertise
second body paragraph is dedicated to benefits of online learning not why some people think job is good right after school, hence response is tangential with the question.
Band: 2.5/6
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each civilization have (has) to follow
each civilization have to follow the defined regulation (,) so the authority have a big platform to make change in the country.
on the planet has (is) accountable to secure the nature
Only ministry could not (be) able to do
so individually ( everyone) should be (“be” is not required) take first move towards to avoid damage
she become (has become) very famous in the world.
example in B.P 2 could be more elaborated, establishing the fact lady has inspired many and leads to cleanest city fact.
To conclude, global warming is the biggest issue (the issue raised in question is not just on global warming, but protection of environment which is a wider concept).
Feedback : Undoubtedly , there is great improvement from previous attempts. Be careful with the errors mentioned above.
Band: 3/6
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Feedback : Both merits and demerits should be developed equally. No example found.
Keep writing!!
Band: 4/6
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spending on fast foods, (such as) hamburger, fish & chips and pizza
millions (million pounds)
Hamburger (was) consumed mostly by the high and average income earners (which) was 46 and 33 millions respectively.
later on (While) hamburger consumption was reduced 3/4 by lower income groups – It is static graph , so “later on” may not be justified.
it stood (at the expenditure of) 25 (million pounds) in the consumption of average income but only 16 (million pounds) to the high income group.
spent lessor (lesser) amount
Feedback : Be careful while writing the units of measurements. Comparison and grouping of data has been done nicely.
Band: 2/3
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uk (UK)
hamburger (the) most
highest (amount of) money (from their budget)
respectively ,(.) on the other hand. (,) Average income people
Average income people spend the maximum amount of cash for fish & chips in comparative (Fish & chips are mostly consumed by the people with average income as compared to other two food categories)
Feedback: The response is oscillating between “spend” and “spent”, Be careful with tense. I would advise to mention just the trends not figures in “overall”.
Keep writing!!
Band: 2/3
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one of the main reason(s)
population are (is) increasing day by day
people who works (work) in
so people (don’t) no need to shift
this could helps (help) to
can strictly follow(ed) by citizens
this will also reduced (reduce) traffic congestion.
reconstruct (reconstruction)
traffic jam becomes (has become) problem in metropolitan cities
feedback : Continuous usage of short sentences. Try to work on sentence structure, grammar accuracy (subject- verb agreement) . Lexical resources should be improved.
Band: 2/6
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word count is 243 words, make sure at least 250 words are required
these ability (abilities) (is) through community service
It will encourages (encourage)
g through their (his) persona- as you are referring to “student”
Feedback : There is room to improve lexical resources and try to avoid making short sentences , rather try to use wide variety of structures like dependent clauses, compound & complex ones.
Keep writing
Band: 3.25/6
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high school curriculam (curriculum)
To commence with (,)this will help the students
this will help them in their higher studies for social project in which work you have done accordingly (meaning is not justified)
For Example (,) I personally volunteered for 2 months
However (Moreover,) this will develop a good friendly environment with each other -faulty use of cohesive device.
various initiative(s) by organising events
To conclude (,) that doing community service
but also professional life also. (repetitive usage of words, distorting the meaning)
Feedback : Lack of lexical resources. Be careful with the usage of punctuation. Sentence structure needs strong consideration.
Keep writing!!
Band: 2/6
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, I feel there is a greater need to this cause is that these skills- faulty structure
and prepares (prepare) them for the real world – because subject is “skills”
Lack of cohesive devices, hence cohesion has been compromised.
They (These additions/skills/activities) not only build up mental and psychological resilience
Feedback : There is strong need to work on sentence structure, as range is missed throughout.
Keep writing!!
Band: 2.5/6
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Education (has) become essential for students where they learned (learn) about the history, –
should be in curriculam (curriculum)
many things which is (are) not included in the course.
Now a days (nowadays), They become bookish(studious, learned etc. ) bookish people is not the right word.
Which will be help to them in exposure (to explore) of their personality and career.
Everyone have (has)the responsibility – everyone is singular in usage
if person learn(learns) from the early age, It (he) will become
one of the peaceful country (countries) in the world
they should be (“be not required) include some extra activity (activities)
in the course which teach human ethics to the children.
Feedback : Many grammatical errors found in every paragraph. Sentences are struggling to justify the grammatical range and accuracy. Understanding of basic tenses is required.
No band score as the student needs to work on all possible parameters.
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paraphrasing should have all the elements mentioned in question
future prospectus (prospects)
it (they) can develop (explore/understand foreign culture…. ) a good bond
. Although there are many Universities in Europe, parents spend their earnings on their kids to develop their better education. (the usage of “although” is not justified)
European universities could be covered under example
cohesion is missing somehow, conclusion is not effective.
sentence structure should be improved.
Band: 2.5/6
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people were wary (worry) about purchasing
. However, I would like you to add information in local language also for their better understanding not only, but also mention items were not touched by hands while packing and delivered safely with all Covid protocols- not only , but also has not been used effectively , (it could be ” not only for information, but also the prices offered)
It is advised to develop bullet point what ” business ” you are into, I felt that has not been mentioned distinctively leads to lack of cohesion in first paragraph.
Write 4 paragraphs as discussed structure.
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Initially, pipeline, water and roadways were used the most (majorly) to transport goods
From 1974 to 1982 (,) pipeline and water
road and rail didn’t have much change in the graph but (in fact) after a few years, it decreased.
There is no need to mention conclusion in Task 1 , rather talk about this analysis in overview and do mention “overall” in that.
Keep writing.
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it is advisable to write “Overall” while giving overview
Despite some fluctuation in tonnes of goods being sent through rail and waterways, there was a steady increase, which (and It) is continued till 2002. (combination of complex-compound sentences which requires two independent clauses at least, hence which is replaced by “and It”)
be careful with punctuation while framing complex structures.
Keep writing!!
Band: 2/3
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which has only been ever on a gradual rise. ( road was not only on rise, In 1982 , it suffered a dip )
.However(,) in the water mode
Coming to the rail and pipeline modes which has (have) ever barely
“Overview” is missing
Make use of punctuation , in order to make writing more readable
Band:1/3
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do mention units of measurement in introduction.
In overview, the word ” steady” has been used repeatedly, especially at places where it is not even required.
Body paragraph 1 is not effective , as it does not include any data and figures. Moreover, the sentence structure is also a point to consider.
Tense should be maintained through out.
Band: 1/3
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The line paragraph (graph) demonstrates
overview is not fully developed. It is not highlighting any specific trend
it remain (remained) stable till the year
goods conveyed through rail (dramatically fell) was dramatically fall
it has consistently fluctuate(d)
has sharply incline(d)
it remain(ed) constant.
Tense should be maintained throughout
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feedback : As discussed, monotonous sentence structure has been used. Try to use range of varied sentences.
keep writing!!
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would like (to) get the chance to make in the practice
which is one the reason (reasons) for (my) capability to doing this work.
As of now(,) due to summer vacation
third bullet point is about what you would like to do in free time, I advise to mention that as well, hence the last one is not developed completely.
Your’s (Yours) faithfully
Proof- reading is must to avoid grammatical slips.
Keep writing!!
Band: 1.5/3
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Shorter sentences , use of cohesive devices could be more effective. Tone should be informal
band: 2/3
