Faculty Falak
FacultyForum Replies Created
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Traffic jams mostly occur during (on) major roads or right near big malls, theatres, bus stands and railway stations
Introduction needs to talk about causes and solution to tackle this problem rather than just exaggerating the issue.
Paragraphing has been done inappropriately throughout, B.P 1 is mentioning problem X, and the solution offered is to problem Y.
B.P 1 and B.P 2 should be dedicated to causes and solution respectively.
Band: 2.5/6
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The foremost reason for traffic clogging is because of the absence of well organized roads (The foremost reason for traffic clogging is the absence of well organized roads)
answer is well-written with paragraphing , and maintaining coherence and cohesion throughout.
Keep writing!!
Band: 4.5/6
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Paraphrasing in introduction, should reflect all the components mentioned in question ( animals)
Like humans (,) animals also have feeling – punctuation is important
it had a huge amount of earning prospect and we humans can do anything to earn money if it involves huge amount , (Sentence structure could be improved to avoid excessive use of same phrases and words)
spain and mexico (Spain and Mexico) – proper nouns
As children learns (learn) – subject- verb agreement
It is important to use cohesive devices like “In conclusion,” while writing conclusion to increase readability , and conclusion should not talk about any new aspect (e.g : environmental imbalance)
Follow the IELTS essay writing pattern where two body paragraphs are must to develop the required word limit.
Keep writing!!
Band: 2.5/6
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Feedback : Paragraphing is important , at least two body paragraphs should be there with explanation along with development of argument. In such case, cohesion and coherence won’t get more than 4 bands
Examples should be more in form of your personal experience rather than using some learned language.
Band: 3/6
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Feedback : Word limit of minimum 150 words has to be maintained. While giving overview, use “overall” and the featuring paragraphs should be elaborated with exact comparison and grouping of data. For reference, check answers on the same link.
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government people – authorities
conclusion is incomplete (it is just paraphrasing the question)
at few instances, informal style of writing has been observed.
Try to reduce verbosity by using complex-compound sentences.
keep writing!!
band : 3.5/6
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Feedback :
More people has meant (means) that there are more vehicle buyers,
Conclusion is not satisfactory as it is not summarizing all the content discussed in passage (mainly causes)
Keep writing!!
Band: 4/6
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Second paragraph could have more loud and clear topic sentence and the statement you opened with can be an explanation, will make it more cohesive.
Keep writing!!
band: 4/6
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adult pupils. ( younger ones)
Body paragraphs are not talking about it is advantageous for children , but is mentioned in both introduction and conclusion- try to maintain the coherence.
Band: 3.5/6
Keep writing!!
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The number of workers is counted in thousands and the units are measured in million tonnes. (units have already mentioned)- Try to keep introduction concise.
(Overall,) Throughout the year, steel production in the UK was higher than actual demand, with the exception of December. Workers’ data, on the other hand, had drastically decreased by the end of the year.- it is important to mention “overall” in overview
Answer has been presented category wise , though I would appreciate more grouping and comparison of data (as question demands)
whereas the number of steel businesses (number of workers)
Keep writing!!
Band: 1.5/3
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china. (China) – proper noun
clothing, medicine and household goods was (were) least in the expenditure.
medicine was comprised of 4% from the entire budget in 1995 which increased by 5% (7%) in 2011.- Read and analyze the data carefully
While there was an increase in the expenditure of some goods, others showed a slight decrease (unclear statement )
With regards to decrease, expenditure on clothing was 19% in 1995 which shows a minimal 1% of decrease in 2011(18%) ( The amount of expenditure had decreased in clothing with marginal difference of 1% in 2011 as compared to 19% in 1995) – Range in sentence structure , avoid monotonous sentence structure.
it shows (showed) a 9% decrease from 1995 to 2011. – maintain the tense throughout.
Band: 1/3
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interacting with them on a daily basis will help me better (in) coordinate (coordinating) the project.
Yours faithfully, (sincerely)
answer to second and third cue is not fully developed, that leads to question on “Task achievement”. Need to add extended ideas with supporting details.
Band: 1.5/3
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Feedback : Paragraphing is important , answer each cue in distinct paragraphs along with extended ideas and supporting details.
Band: 1.5/3
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The first line graph illustrate demand of steel in million tonnes in different months and second line graph explains the number of employers employed in different months in the UK in 2010
The first line graph compares the steel production and the demand in the UK in 2010 while the second graph depicts the employee number in the industry in the same year.
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I would request to please send me ( I am keen to spend next six months…)- “send” is not appropriate here
The work does not gets ( will not get)
Sentence structure is monotonous at times , try to add sentence range.
Keep writing!!
Band : 2/3
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this would also (give me an) provide me with the opportunity to communicate with our – avoid being repetitive with words, at least where possible
Needless to mention that he is as (a) talented individual
Yours Sincerely,(faithfully)
Band : 2/3
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This is a semi-formal letter, use opening and closing accordingly.
Use distinct paragraphs to answer each bullet point. And extend ideas around them.
Paragraphing is important , it truly impacts the band score.
Band: 1.5/3
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In introduction , outlining and Thesis statements are missing
Due to this(,) they are not more (no longer) a financial burden on their families,
Example in B.P 1 , is missing
Band : 2.5/6
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It is true that (argued by) some people believe that studying in university/college
Introduction is not up to the mark
Introduction , body paragraphs should be framed as discussed in the class.
At few instances, cohesion is compromised
Conclusion is not supposed to have a new angle , rather summarize your passages
Cohesive devices will enhance the readability.
Band: 2/6
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Feedback : Purpose of writing in first paragraph could be bit more elaborated. Word limit should be at least 150 words
Keep writing!!
Band: 2/3
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Feedback : Usage of relative pronouns is not accurate (sometime unnecessarily used). More cohesion is expected in examples.
Keep writing!!
Band: 3.5/6
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eligibility criteria is also increasing (becoming stringent)
theoritical (theoretical)
(in fact) the person can (himself) help his family financially
businessmans (businessmen)
Opinion should be stated in conclusion not the vice-versa, it is always a good idea to reflect your opinion in introduction as will add more coherence and more sync to writing. There is definitely room for improvement in lexical resources.
Band: 3/6
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Feedback : Word limit needs to be maintained (250 words) . Answer should be well supported with explanations. Cohesive devices , lexical resources , sentence range these all things will make your essay an effective one.
I would advise to reattempt since it is not fulfilling the requirement as discussed in class.
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best way to have a successful carrier (career) by some,
A University degree is required for some jobs and its importance is increasing daily. (Whereas,) Getting a job earlier on will largely increase the work experience of an individual. I consider (University/ acquiring higher qualification before starting work) education is really important.
You can see a great example, (A great example can be observed)
For some jobs like managerial jobs,(roles)
Sandford (Stanford)
If you take the example of (an example of Sunder Pichai can explain this…..)
Feedback : Replacements and substitutes of noun will make writing even more effective (will save you from being repetitive )
Band: 4.5/6
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Feedback: Usage of cohesive devices can improve the coherence even better. Substitution and replacements of nouns would be appreciated. No example found in B.P 2. Sentence structure could be improved.
Keep writing!!
band : 3/6
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Feedback : Essay has been supported with good explanation , however examples could be presented in a better manner and more aligned to the context. There is room for improvement in lexical resources and sentence range. Though, I appreciate the improvement.
Feedback : 3.5/6
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Feedback : The essay is well-written , there is no doubt on the efficacy of the answer. However, second body paragraph could be more elaborated. As there is need to explain the argument with supporting details.
Band: 5/6
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In introduction, paraphrasing is not up to the mark, there has been lot of repetition and language has been exactly copied from the question
example in B.P 1, could be presented in a better manner to establish coherence.
sometimes it may get hard for them to get satisfactory jobs (not only because they are very limited in number , but also very tough to get) because very limited jobs are available in the society related to arts whereas they are also very tough to get
On the contrary, art activities may put an extra pressure on children along with their academic performance. As a consequence, sometimes it may get hard for them to get satisfactory jobs because very limited jobs are available in the society related to arts whereas they are also very tough to get. In addition to that, a smaller proportion of parents encourage their off-springs to flourish interest in art subjects. – repetition of idea and language
In conclusion, Even though (some people believe) learning art subjects may have some downsides, I strongly believe it helps pupils recognize their passion which may turn into a career later on in life.
Second B.P, is not satisfactory.
Band : 2.5/6
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even though it effects (affects) an economy , it is affect (has some serious effects on person) a person mentally and intellectually .
so people will want to buy more respectively (unnecessarily) . Also, by buying more unnecessary (irrelevant) things , (they affect environment negatively ) it negatively affects the environment and air pollution.
in the first world countries (,) shopping now is the new way of entertainment
Band: 4.5/6
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parts of the world than locally prepared food. (owing to globalisation) This is because of globalisation
locally originited (originated)
I could read lots of “this” and “that” throughout; sentence structure should be improved
Example in B.P 2 is missing
Band: 4/6
