Faculty Falak
FacultyForum Replies Created
-
Therefore(,) Government should act immediately to
at certain places instead of framing short sentences repeatedly, you could have used punctuation.
do include dependent clauses.
Keep writing!!
-
Foreign companies gives (give) much opportunities
repetitive usage of words (working professionals, home country, good work balance, ..). Need to work on lexical resources.
short sentences in entire essay hence, lacks variety and range
when their childrens (children) didn’t attended (attend) their parents (parents’) funeral
good work (life) balance
people have to left (leave) their country for working.
There is need to work on tenses as well.
Keep writing!!
Band: 2.5/6
-
There is an increase in the migration of working professionals from their poor countries to rich countries. This essay discusses (as a result, there are) the problems such as the shortage of skilled professionals, along with that it has an adverse impact on the country’s economy. (, but) These problems can be averted by taking proper measures to generate employment opportunities and by enacting strict migration policies. – combining the sentences with appropriate conjunctions , and avoid the usage of memorized sentences like “this essay discusses”
The addition of dependent clauses, conditional sentences, combination of compound and complex sentences would embellish the writing even better. Rest is fine.
-
repetitive usage of words
Sentence structure needs to be improved, grammatical range is missing.
Keep writing!!
Band: 3/6
-
countries economy (economy of the country/ GDP of country)
However(,) certain steps can be taken to mitigate the relocation of expert labors
A decent effort to achieve cohesion and task response, but need to work on sentence range, punctuation and lexical resources.
Sentences are simple , try to use dependent clauses , complex – compound structures.
Keep writing!!
Band: 3/6
-
Lexical resources can be improved.
There is absolutely no need of using cohesive devices in each and every sentence , but where it is actually required.
Keep writing!!
Band: 3.5/6
-
Introduction lacks any information about solution
There are a lot of reasons behind this problem of leaving the country. One of the main reasons is the high pay rates. – question doesn’t demand causes.
Try to avoid the use of “we” , almost whole second B.P follows the same structure.
repetitive usage of words has been observed.
Paragraphing has not been done well. Introduce an idea , discuss it and compile it.
Lack of sentence structure variety and cohesive devices
Band: 2/6
-
The foremost problems (problem) caused by lack
Lexical resources, certainly there is room for improvement as many words found quite repetitive.
Keep writing!!
Band: 4/6
-
Introduction is mentioning causes and impacts , but it is not giving any idea about solutions
Again first body paragraph is just on the reasons , but question demands for the problems
which can providing (provide) research
Srilanka’s situation is not hidden from the world as they are struggling for even (what?) leaving due to governments’ bad decision.
Task achievement and cohesion is compromised throughout the essay.
Band: 2.5/6
-
home instead of (living) with their adult children
which will (be) discuss (discussed) in forthcoming paragraphs
a person has spent their (his) whole life for their family
a study conducted by oxford (Oxford)
bbc (BBC) news
with their grandson,(grandchildren)
Is it a positive or negative development ? ( The opinion is not loud and clear)
Keep writing!!
-
The person who commits a wrongful crime is being awarded by the court authorities or ruling countries depend on what crime they had committed. This essay agrees with the statement. Although many people had committed different types of crimes and stricter laws needs to be implemented in this country. ( the sentences and the ideas behind these are somehow incomplete)
if we say about Texas school shooting in the United States as mentioned in the BBC News (,)the shooter was bullied during his school days
This happens because gun laws in the United States is (are) not much strict as followed in other countries.
Feedback : The entire essay is tangential to the question, crimes and current situation has been mentioned. Hardly any sentence is talking about capital punishment, the main question.
-
it is not (the) right path to pursue,
without giving a person to (“to” is not required) another chance
justifies a crime, Moreover(,) these practices
these practices results (result) in loss of lives along with crime.- subject-verb agreement
however a chance should be given (to) culprits by engaging to (“to” is not required) them through (in) various programmes designed by psychologist and experts,
however capital punishment are (is) not the right justice
Feedback : There is strong need to work on prepositions and subject-verb agreement.
Band: 3/6
Keep writing!!
-
I completely agree with (to) the statement
Keep writing!!!
band: 4.5/6
-
vocabulary (society, capital punishment, criminals)
For starters, (To commence with,)
Feedback : Task achievement and coherence is clearly visible. Though Lexical resources definitely need to be improved as many words have been used repeatedly. You may try the synonyms or sometimes sentence structure can help.
Keep writing!!
Band: 4/6
-
death to the innocent, (?) the whole idea revolves around death penalty to innocent people , but question is regarding whether it should be implemented or not , may be the presentation of idea is not that clear and is creating ambiguity
Beautifully concluded. Lexical resources ; good job !!
I just have small concern with cohesion due to the above mentioned issue.
Keep writing!
Band: 4/6
-
struggle and face discrimination (in society)
example in B.P 1 , is giving a concession statement , but an addition of linking idea before that example will make it more justified.
Good use of vocabulary, task achievement is there with accuracy. Keep writing!!
Band: 4.5/6
-
because (a) citizen
feel secure in this (delinquent) environment
Besides that,(enforcement of laws such as death penalty for capital offence is necessary…) it is necessary to have belief in the judicial system by the population,
Feedback : Paraphrasing has been done well, Task achievement is there. Though cohesion and coherence seems to be bit compromised as both body paragraphs are emphasizing on bad condition and government needs to do something (this something is “capital punishment”) , probably one linking idea would present your essay in better manner. Vocabulary certainly has room for improvement. Rest is fine.
Band: 4/6
-
to other domestic items like food(household goods) clothing, and medicine., (food has already been mentioned).
Keep writing!!
Band: 2/3
-
but the subject of arts includes (should be included) in the curriculum at school (or not) become (has become) a controversial topic.
age child don’t (doesn’t) have the capacity
because it is also defined (it also defines) the career path
Firstly, a person has multiple capabilities to do creative work but lacks (due to lack) of guidance (this potential) never come (out) into the open world
, nowadays artist is the most successful professionals (profession) in India
opinion is missing.
Band: 3/6
-
Overall (,) there are significant changes
the farmland and the forest park has been replaced by some buildings (golf course) and the tennis court
. Although (moreover,) the fishing port has been removed
Therefore in the south west direction car park has been added which is close to the hotel (therefore is not suitable)
Though (through) all these years
Feedback : Faulty usage of cohesive devices has been observed at many places. I would advise to understand their right usage.
Band: 1.5/3
-
Feedback : Do mention units of measurements in introduction.
after (a) while
rise after august (August)
it (was) raise(d)
in two feature paragraphs , data has been presented effectively , but comparison and grouping is missing.
Try to establish comparisons between demand and production.
Keep writing!!
Band: 2/3
-
well written.
Keep writing!!
\Band: 2.5/3
-
If everything executes perfectly, the trip is scheduled (which conditional?)
well – written in terms of paragraphing, tone , lexical resources.
Keep writing!!
Band: 2.5/3
-
have took (have taken)
admission to (in) Computer Engineering
collage,(college)
has explain(ed)
which turns (turned) my mindset.
explanation and avoid repeating the same words , try to go through tenses once.
-
There is ample evidence that scientists are struggling hard to grow this GM food in order to fulfill the requirement of the vitamin by the people. (?) – cohesion is missing
Keep writing!
Band: 4.5/6
-
It was one of the book(s)
I love(d) reading it
-lot Of peoples (people) around him. (full stop is not required) which showcase(s) that No matter
repetitive usage of words like “people”
I haven’t Came (come) – V3 will be used
So I’ll (would) Even Like To take a (an) Appiontment (appointment) For my
Dear Sir/madam (Dear Ms. Ruth) , since your closure is ” Yours sincerely)
Need to work on sentence structure, as almost all are starting with monotonous usage of “I would,….)
Band: 1.5/3
-
many the parents (many parents are looking)
children chooses (choose) the wrong way – subject-verb agreement
from a different continent.(s)
individuals can earn a good salary, so (hence) they can live with a high level of living and be able to use expensive things.
to get explore (exposure) on a global platform
Keep writing!!
Band: 4/6
-
, scientists get to know many unknown things, which helps (help) in developing – subject -verb agreement
Feedback : A concession statement in B.P 2 , would present your idea and support even better. Words like places, visiting, boffins, travelling were quite repetitive throughout the essay, try to use other synonyms.
Band: 4/6
-
inspected area, without knowing the environment (and) have lost their lives
increase of (enhancing) environmental knowledge
Keep writing!!
Band: 4.5/6
-
enjoy the amenities which are far from them. – ?
areas which are (have) still not been introduced to the world,
utilities do not (cannot be provided) possible to provide
in a month around 6 persons (were found dead) found the death due to the attack by the tiger.
there have (are) certain disadvantages
Keep writing!!
band: 4.5/6
