Faculty Falak
FacultyForum Replies Created
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Topic sentence needs to be more loud and clear
, restaurants also (have) started serving a variety of international foods.
Well-written essay , make use of cohesive devices in order to add more cohesion.
Band: 4.5/6
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necessities in china (China) for 2 different years – proper noun
Overall should be separate paragraph
Looking in detail (,) people spent more budget
Word limit of minimum 150 words should be maintained. Mentioning figures and data is important to fulfil task achievement. Punctuation and sentence structure should be used carefully.
band: 1/3
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In this essay we will compare the for the years 1995 to 2011- Task-1 is not an essay
(Overall,) The biggest percentage of money spent on food is evident from the entire data. Medicine, on the other hand, receives a smaller share of the budget.- Overall is important to mention in the overview
Clothing and on the other hand (on the other hand, clothing)
had a percentage of 1995, with 19% and 18%, respectively in 2011 so they was not a huge change. (had percentage of 19% and 18% in 1995 and 2011 respectively).
so they was not a huge change. (it experienced a marginal change)
spending on it by (from) 9% in 1995 to 2% in 2021.
Feedback : Follow the Task-1 structure , as discussed in class. Sentence structure needs to be improved. Make use of cohesive devices and prepositions should be use carefully.
Band: 1.5/3
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a lot of Dine-ins is (are) being opened
There are a lot of international food programs from (T.V) channels
which showcases (showcase) talents, – as the subject is programs (plural)
Global networks enable trading and advertising a walk in the park, these ( making) make raw materials accessible.
,
many might argue this is due to better health care, but (I found “but” is inappropriate here) it is seen that they seldom get sick,
Feedback : Well- written essay with examples and explanations. Be careful with the points mentioned above.
Keep writing!!
Band: 4.5/6
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. Overall personality development and better job opportunities are the main advantages, whereas (certain drawbacks are also associated with this like) children (can get ) disconnect from their own culture and may indulge in illegal activities due to no supervision.- lack of cohesion
Use of cohesive devices will add more clarity
children may exploit the freedom given by parents and can push them (themselves) to involve in wrong activities
was succumbed to drugs due to no proper (lack of) guidance and help.
Band ; 4/6
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youngsters (can) avoid the situation
who know the importance of money management can save enough money to help their parents( (in many aspects) in their higher education expenses.
Feedback : Sentence structure is essay is not convincing , try to use wide variety especially subordinate clauses will help you to make your writing more effective. Example in body paragraph 1 , is missing.
Band : 3.5/6
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The line graph depicts (Line graphs depict – two graphs you are referring here)
number of workers employed were (was)
beginning then (than) when the year approaches to its end.
a sudden drop is (has been observed) seen in amount of steel production
After which a sharp fall of workers were (was) seen
then the number remains (remained) constant
where it shows (showed) the little upward
Feedback : Grammatical accuracy is really important ; pay attention to the points mentioned above. Be careful with the Tense (Past, present, future). Word limit should be 150-170 . Make use of varied sentence structure to improve cohesion and coherence.
Band: 1.5/3
Keep writing!!
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The first diagram shows that , limestone and clay are crushed into a powder form (using crusher)
Then it passed (passes) via
rotating heater with the supporting fire (at the other end of the tube) in the end of mechanism
The second diagram depicts the process where all the main components such as 15% of cement , 10% of water , 25% of sand and 50% of gravel are mixed together in a huge machine to create concrete . (you could mention the specification of gravel as mentioned in the diagram )
Feedback : Include all steps and specifications(if possible) , to reach required word limit
Band: 2/3
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, however, this could also (carry some drawbacks along with) cause some drawbacks
with new peoples (people)
by doing that (Their communication skills will be enhanced) it will grow communication skills (and offers great opportunities to learn new languages)
many articles has (have) shown
that people who (want) learn a new language can learn it faster(,) thanks to communication with natives
students who has (have) degree from any reputed international
,getting far from home will help younger generation to (get) mature
Feedback : Grammatical accuracy is the area that needs to be considered as minor slips have been observed. “Subject-verb” agreement requires attention
Band: 3/6
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All the criteria (credit)
There has been an improvement for sure , areas like sentence structure and punctuation need more attention.
Keep writing!!
Band:1.5/3
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like myself (me)
desert (dessert) recipes
I would like (to) highlight that it was one (of) the better (best) organised events
Explain all the bullet points in distinct paragraphs , as it will be a positive feature for higher band score
Band: 2/3
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Yours Sincereley (faithfully)
Chinese dishes course (certificate course in Chinese food)
Answer is well- written. Though usage of punctuation at certain places would be appreciated to avoid confusion
Sentence structure needs to be varied
Keep writing!!
Band: 2/3
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Introduction is not reflecting the question requirement (advantages and disadvantages)
, we have seen (there has been ) an immense increase in the number
Their (there) is also
Well-written. Keep writing!!
Band: 4.5/6
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I am writing this letter express (to) my dissatisfaction
for many years and (has) been (a) prime customers. (customer)
Although cooling of period is not clear (,) but want to return the product
return (has) already arranged with order id #35362312.
bill and box are kept in (the) same way as delivered
Feedback : Careful with the minor slips as mentioned above.
band: 2/3
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B.P 1 , is talking about “Why people do shopping” – not required
, shopping unwanted (under the influence of advertisements) items gives a huge impact on person funds – (as advertisement is reflecting in conclusion)
who cant afford luxuries (luxury/ luxurious) items
example in B.P 2 , is missing
Band: 2.5/6
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long term mental and economic impact of (on) the individual
B.P1 would have been more convincing if it has followed Specific to general explanation
, if a product is necessary and will it make money in the future for them if we see celebrities buying lavish objects, it in itself (sentence structure / punctuation needs to consider to add more clarity)
Spending money unnecessarily on unwanted items will reduce the wealth and in time of emergency will lead a person scrambling for finances. (as) the people who are more impacted by this are people (those) who are not super wealthy (affluent), which makes up the majority of a countries population. (at some points, I felt conjunctions and cohesive devices are required)
one (one’s) health mentally and financial
Band: 3.5/6
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1992 and 1996 that steadily climbed by approximately 3% and 4% (respectively)
It started from 7 vehicles (per thousand) in 1990 and double up to 14 cars in the end.
Feedback : well -written , though you could explain the trends by mention figures in featuring paragraphs.
Band: 2/3
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This could be possible only by deduction (deducting) additional tax from working community . Surprisingly, Nowadays, the proportion of younger , working adults is smaller , and authorities will therefore receive less money in taxes in relation to the size of population
Example in body paragraph is missing.
But appreciate the improvement and indeed essay is well-written
Band: 4.5/6
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The first paragraph is not stating the exact equation ( as you bought online, and received in broken condition))
The letter seems to be off the track , read the question carefully.
Answer all the point in distinct paragraphs.
I would advise to reattempt.
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chopper when I was received the item it was in a poor condition ( which was received in a broken condition.)
“I” should be in capital throughout
Sentence structure needs to be improved.
Band : 2/3
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about t (receiving) the damaged products
Two weeks back (ago)
Band: 2/3
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Subject : Damaged DELL Monitor (not required, state the purpose of writing in first paragraph itself)
Write as per the structure discussed
Paragraph A (first point with details
Paragraph B ( second point with details ). and so on
Otherwise, well -written Keep writing!!
Band: 2.5/3
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Word count of the task is 251 words, try to concise the explanation.
A good task -1 can be easily achieved in 150-170 words.
Otherwise, well-written
Keep writing
Band: 2.5/3
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overburden (overburdened)
Conclusion is giving your opinion (not asked), though recommendation is fine.
Keep writing!!
Band: 4.5/6
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Giving good education is a dream of every parent to their children (giving good education to their children is a dream of every parent)
There are several of (There are other several) advantages and dis advantages (of this notion , which this essay will be discussing in the upcoming paragraphs) of this which i will discuss in upcoming paragraphs.
When children goes (go) – children is plural
, children gets (get)
them self (themselves)
they avoid doing unnecessary expensive.(expenditure)
there (their) own business
Moreover its very expensive and its not (affordable for all parents) able for all parents to afford.
Feedback : Not convinced with conclusion. No examples found
Band: 3/6
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This creates a positive approach for children to gain international exposure (along with better career prospects)- as this “better career” is quite prominent in your example and conclusion , so it is advisable to mention it in introduction too.
exellence (excellence)
In (On) the contrary,
Keep writing!!
Band: 4.5/6
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I will discuss ( This essay will discuss)
inate (innate)
Examples are missing.
Lexical resources need to be better
Band: 3.5/6
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since (for) eight years
attained ( to attend)
Improve the sentence structure
Band: 2/3
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This answer is to some other question , for feedback please check the right link.
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devloped (developed)
we will discuss ( this essay will discuss)
curb ( tackle) this issue
Topic sentence of B.P 1 is highlighting the causes of aging population ( question is what problems are arising due to this)
some of the words are not legible, handwriting should be clear.
Example in B.P 1 is missing
The problem can be solved by immigrating people (migrating)
Feedback : The answer is not what question is demanding.
Band: 2.5/6
