Faculty Isha Singha
FacultyForum Replies Created
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I am writing this letter about the job we had discussed in the flight we were on together from Mumbai to Delhi on last Sunday. As you suggested, I should contact you if I am looking for a change and am interested for the restaurant manager position in one of your restaurants in South Delhi.
As I have a degree in management and I have been working in the food processing industry for the last 5 years, I believe, my experience will come in handy to manage the restaurant perfectly.
Furthermore, the restaurant Red Heart is quite near to my place, just a walking distance, so it becomes easy for me to manage my work life balance, which I am looking for a long time. In addition to that, I find, there is a huge scope of improvement, which I am confident can be achieved.
Thanks for your consideration. I enclosed my contact details and resume with this letter. I hope to hear from you soon.
Yours faithfully,
Nice attempt.
Bands – 2.5/3
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The process diagram illustrates a cyclic process for recycling plastic bottles.
There are nine steps in this procedure . The initial stage of recycling starts with the collection of the waste plastic bottles, and in the final stage there is the production of new products from waste.
The first stage comprises the collection of plastic bottles in a dustbin. After that, a truck comes to collect this waste and take it to a site where the procedure can be started. Then, in the recycling centre, the sorting of these bottles is done by hand. Furthermore, the processing starts and they are compressed into blocks.
The next stage comprises crushing the blocks and washing the extracted material. After this, the plastic pellets are produced on the specialised machinery. Then these pellets are heated and the raw material is formed. The raw material is processed and is used for the production of recycled end products like T-shirts, pens, pencils, etc.
Nice work
Bands – 2/3
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The given diagram illustrates the process of making materials from reusable plastics by recycling plastic bottles.
Looking from an overall perspective, the entire process consists of stages such as bottle collection from bins; sorting them if recyclable; compressing and crushing to produce pellets; and converting pellets to create raw materials and various products.
To start with, consumers dispose the used plastic bottles in recycling bins, which are in turn picked up by the garbage collector vehicles and transport them to recycling centers. At the recycling center, bottles are sorted by hand as per quality, and recyclable plastics are compressed into cube shaped boxes. These boxes are then crushed to form smaller plastic pieces.
Consequently, these particles are washed and fed into a machine which produces plastic pellets. These pellets are then heated to create raw materials. Finally, the raw materials will be used to manufacture end products such as bottles, tiffin boxes, bags, T-shirts, and pencils.
Feedback:
Some grammatical errors.
Nice attempt!
Bands – 2.5/3
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The given process diagram describes the recycling process of plastics.
The cycle can be divided into eight steps, namely proper disposal, collection ,sorting, compression, crushing , fine grinding, conversion to raw material and finally conversion to useful products. The change of state for each of these categories will be discussed here.
The first four stages of these processes are described here, beginning with the proper disposal of the plastics that could be collected from the designated area to a sorting center. Proper sorting is necessary for effective recycling, which determines the quality of the end product. Furthermore, the sorted materials are then compressed, which will reduce storage space and help in efficient transport.
The last five stages are more technically advanced. The compressed blocks are crushed and washed. The clean material obtained is further processed by converting it into fine pellets. These pellets are then heat treated, which transforms them into raw material. The final stage of the cycle is the conversion of raw material into useful produce that can be distributed back into the market.
Feedback:
Nice work!
Be careful about punctuation and articles.
Bands – 2.5/3
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The diagram above depicts the recycling process of plastic bottles where it passes through a series of process and finally ending into a final product.
The entire process can be subdivided into five major areas, which include collection from local sources, sorting of usable plastics, cleaning the plastics to make it free from contaminants, processing into usable pre-forms for the end products, and finally into the end products, which are various household objects.
The process starts with the collection of the discarded plastic bottles from local dustbins, which are collected using waste collection trucks and brought to the nearest material sorting facility. At the sorting facility, the usable plastic bottles are segregated from the unwanted plastics by hand by the workers, over the conveyor. Once sorted, the raw material is then compressed into bales which can be transported easily to the cleaning facility. To make the cleaning process more efficient, in the cleaning section, the bales are broken down into fine pieces using large shredders. Once shredded, the pieces are then cleaned thoroughly inside a large tank which is placed under the crusher.
After cleaning, the raw material or the shredded plastic pieces are fed into a parallelization machine to form plastic pellets. The pellets are then heated at a high temperature where they melt and become the raw material for the end product. The raw material, then formed, is passed through various processes to manufacture desired products used in our daily life like T-shirts, bottles, storage containers, pens. etc.
Feedback:
-Nice attempt.
– Grammatical errors like subject verb agreement.
-Avoid using same words repeatedly.
Bands – 2/3
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There are individuals who consider the correct schooling age for kids to be a very young one, while others believe that 7 years should be the minimum age for attending a proper school. In this essay, we will look at both sides of this topic, with my side arguing that toddlers should begin their educational journey at a young age.
There are parents who prefer to teach their younglings at home in their early years and send them to schools after 7. These people believe that kids should first learn values and manners at home before going to an educational institution. The belief is that this will help the child behave and maintain proper code of conduct because the child has already been taught the basics at home.
On the other hand, there are people who believe that schooling should be started at an early age. I support this statement as it provides the child a place to grow in a new environment during the period his/ her brain growth and development is occurring. Children start getting their answers to every question at the age when they are most inquisitive about things. In school, students make friends at an early age, start socialising and learn how to do several things from each other. They tend to listen and obey their teachers, unlike at home where they become careless and sometimes do not listen to their parents.
In conclusion, according to my perspective, kids should be sent to school at an early age for their overall growth in every sector. Furthermore, individuals considering teaching their children at home until the age of seven should either build a strong foundation in home education or avoid wasting their years by sending them to school.
-Nice work.
-Avoid repeating same words.
-Work on lexical resources.
Bands – 4/6
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Nowadays, kids at the age of 3 to 6 are sent to school for legitimate reasons, but few people propose to begin schooling only after 7 years. I support commencing education as early as possible, and this essay will discuss both aspects, justifying the argument for starting education at an early age.
Indeed, it is very easy for toddlers to learn new concepts and adapt to new environment compared to older children due to their faster brain development. They are inquisitive and energetic, and it can be difficult for parents to help and nurture them effectively. Schools teach discipline, nourish language abilities, and enhance analytical and logical skills in a professional way compared to the tactics of inexperienced parents. For instance, learning disabilities like dyslexia or autism can be quickly identified by trained staff and may be corrected if found in advance.
On the other hand, children should not be forced to learn multiple things, as each student is unique and takes his/her time to learn. Overburdening them with home work and exams is not a good idea, which will unnecessarily induce stress and anxiety for students and their families. Furthermore, younger ones (take time to express themselves) would not have learnt to express themselves and convey the issues or problems they go through. Hence, it is important that parents spend time with kids rather than relying on outsiders.
In conclusion, though there are some cons in sending children to educational institutions early, it can have a positive impact on them if institutions are able to balance the emotional needs of each pupil. Hence, I encourage the idea of ensuring systematic coaching in advance.
Feedback:
-Introduction and BP 1 is fine. Clarity and paraphrasing is there in the intro.
– BP2 topic sentence and concluding lines of same paragraph are not in sync.
-Conclusion can be more clear .
– Use some not so common vocabulary words.
Bands – 4/6
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The line chart here represents burglary, car theft, and robbery in New Port City from 2003 to 2012.
Overall, there has been a sharp decline in burglary, whereas both car theft and robbery had maintained a steady profile through the period. Robberies were the least common throughout, but they also increased marginally.
By the end of 2003, burglary topped both the other types of crime, with incidents recorded above 3500. But it took a sharp decline thereafter and in the year 2008 it recorded fewer than 1500 cases, lower than car theft and with the highest declination rate among the other two areas of crime.
On the other hand, if we look into the cases of car theft, they declined slightly in the number of cases from around 2700 to 2000 during the period of 2003 to 2006. From the year 2006, it started gaining an upward trend in the increased number of cases and recorded back to over 2500 cases by the year 2012.
Robbery (theft from the person) maintained a sinusoidal profile with a slight increase in the number of cases during the year 2004 and then declined gradually to 500, which marks the least cases recorded among the other two types. By the end of 2012, when compared to burglary and car theft, robbery remained with the lowest number of recorded cases.
Feedback:
-Mistakes are marked in bold.
– Punctuation marks are important.
– Grammatical errors.
-Well Structured. Nice attempt
Bands – 1.5/3
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This graph details the number of crimes( mention where ) that were reported over the course of nine years, from 2003 to 2012.
In general, it is clear that the trends for auto theft and robberies have remained consistent within a certain range, while there has been a decline in the number of cases that involve burglary.
To start, the number of car theft events decreased somewhat between 2005 and 2006, settling at 2000 incidents. At the end of the timeframe that was 2003 to 2012, there was a rising trend that reached the greatest(highest) number of events recorded, which was 2700. While the number of robberies had fluctuated between 500 and 1000 since the beginning of the timeline, when it was around 600 in 2003, it finally settled at around 700.
The highest number of burglary incidents registered, reaching almost 3700, occurred in 2004. Between 2004 and 2008, there was a sharp dip, reaching about 1200. Subsequently, it rose and stayed steady between 1000 and 1500 from 2008 to 2012.
Feedback:
Nice attempt.
Avoid silly mistakes.
Bands – 2.5/3
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The financial requirements for maintaining a family have changed quite a lot compared to the past. The notion of keeping a single bread winner in a house has major drawbacks for maintaining a positive cash flow in the family reserve. This essay explains why a modern family structure requires both family members to contribute to the financial resource pool in order to keep a family financially stable.
Firstly, compared to the past, financial requirements for running a family have increased due to several factors, including inflation. An argument can be made that for providing the best chance for children to stay competitive in the rough and changing trends that are happening right now, they need a huge money pool. Therefore, by cutting off one asset source, it would be harder on the person that is designated as the bread winner. This debunks what is generally said that your offspring’s welfare is at risk if both parents are working.
Secondly, an argument can be made, that income from both the partners might help to keep the family dynamic stable where there is less chance of one dominating the other. This will set an example for stepping away from a society that is criticized for being male-dominated, which could help to normalize equality for both genders.
From the ideas presented, we can summarize that it takes two to build a family, and in this case, a greater involvement of both male and female spouses to share all the responsibilities of running a family. It might not be the strategy that might work for everybody, but still, this approach significantly reduce the probability of collapse in the absence of one of the family members who contributes to the resource pool that runs a family.
Coherent and structured properly.
Repetition of words like : financial requirements, maintaining ,family, bread winner, resource pool.
Grammatical errors.
Bands – 4/6
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In recent times, many people expect that the financial liabilities should be handled by both partners in a marriage. Personally, I disagree with this notion as it may not be practical and will have an adverse impact on the family. This essay will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of such an idea and explain the necessity of dividing the roles in a family.
Undoubtedly, there are many advantages in sharing the financial responsibility in a household as a double income makes one’s life easier compared to a single income. Issues due to high cost of living, other economic crisis and struggle to meet basic needs of the family are mitigated, if both people are working. For Instance, there are cities like Tokyo, where people do not prefer to have babies due to high cost of living and double income can solve this issue to some extent.
In contrast, multiple things in a house get neglected when both partners are busy making a better living. Inculcating good habits and values and physical and mental health of the members are often disregarded in such situations. For example, many incidents are reported about how infants are treated badly by nannies in the absence of their parents. Hence, it is necessary to divide roles in a family as per people’s abilities and take care of aspects other than wealth and balance the whole ecosystem for the overall well-being of the household.
In conclusion, although it is good to get additional
income for financial stability, it creates multiple issues due to the less
time spent by parents with their kids and spouses.
Feedback:
Nice attempt. You have made your stand clear in the intro and concluding paragraph.
BP 2 ,here you can elaborate it little bit more with relevant data.
Bands – 4/6
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Dear Taxi Manager,
My name is Diviya.I would like to notify you that during my last trip in your taxi from Tambaram to Mylapore on June 7 2022, at 6 PM, I left my house property documents on the back seat of the taxi .
I have a property registration in the next 3 days and the left papers in your taxi are related to it . It is an essential document without which registration would be incomplete. So I would request you to send the papers through a courier service.
I will share my address details and contact number below to courier the papers. I have attached a copy of the trip details to ensure the authorization of my details . I would suggest you send the documents through a professional courier service, which is the fastest courier service so that I can receive the documents within the registration date . Please reach out to me at the following contact number : xxx for any further queries/details. It would be great if you could give me a call once you receive the letter.
– Grammatical errors( articles, conditional sentences)
Bands – 1.5/3
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Dear Sir/Madam,
I am writing this letter regarding a folder of documents that I mistakenly left in one of your taxi, last night.
I am a regular customer of your esteemed company, and yesterday I booked a taxi from my office, which is in Connaught Place, to my home at Karol Bagh. Even though I was not in a hurry and reached my place on time, still, somehow I forgot one of my office folders inside the cab.
The folder has some important documents regarding the joining of new employees, which is very crucial for company, as from tomorrow onwards the hiring process needs to be started. Furthermore, I don’t have any copies of those documents, neither soft nor printed. So, it would become a very problematic situation for me if I don’t get those papers by tomorrow morning.
I would be very grateful, if you could send them with the driver who is going to pick me up from my office tonight.
Thank you profusely.
-Nice attempt
– Silly grammatical errors
-Subject verb agreement errors.
Bands -1.5/3
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The bar graph depicts the popularity of celebrities by showing the number of influencers in millions in the years 2018 and 2021.
Overall, the number of Instagram followers was around 100 million for all the popular personalities and sharply increased for each one in the year 2021.
In 2018, Selena Gomez had the highest number of followers with a total of approximately 125 million. On the other hand, The Rock and Kylie Jenner had the lowest numbers, which is nearly 90 million followers. Cristiano Ronaldo and Ariana Grande had almost the same number of followers in 2018. That is about 110 million.
The number of followers in 2021 had increased tremendously for Cristiano Ronaldo with the highest of approximately 310 millions followers. The lowest in the trend was Selena Gomez, with almost 240 million followers. All the other influencers show the same digit, that is 250 million.
The bar graph clearly shows that each celebrity’s popularity had increased at a very high pace since 2018; they have touched or are near 250 million in 2021; the exception here is Criastiano Ronaldo whose popularity had beaten all records and gone above 300 million followers on Instagram.
– Few grammatical errors.
-Try to write your graph in past when dates are given.
-Use cohesive devices.
Bands-1.5/3
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The bar chart details the number of followers for famous personalities in Instagram in the years 2018 and 2021.
Overall, data was captured from the accounts of Cristiano Ronaldo, The Rock, Ariana Grande, Kylie Jenner and Selena Gomez and it is observed that Cristiano had the greatest number of followers, while Selena Gomez was the least popular among all in 2021.
In 2018, the number of fans for Selena Gomez was approximately 125 million, whereas Cristiano had just 100 million plus. However, this figure increased precipitously for Cristiano, tripling the numbers in 2021 while Selena’s admirers doubled. Though Selena was having the highest number of supporters in 2018, she was unable to keep the top position in 2021 as the figures dropped to the last position among the 5 influencers.
Furthermore, supporters of The Rock, Kylie, and Ariana were 100 million in 2018 but numerals show that their fan base doubled in 3 years, reaching 250 million, outnumbering Selena’s followers. Finally, it is observed that there is no huge difference in figures between the three in 2021, but the number of he Rock’s admirers was slightly more than the other two influencers.
– Few grammatical errors.
-Try to write your graph in past when dates are given.
Bands-2/3
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Information technology has a huge impact on our daily lives, and it has become almost impossible to lead a life without getting involved with technological trends. This essay will discuss the merits, demerits and justify the usage of the same.
Undoubtedly, technological advancements have made human life better due to the convenience of getting any job done easily. In fact, nowadays shopping of groceries, clothing, and electronic devices is just a few clicks away from the comfort of home. Moreover, bill payments are much simpler than ever before, and carrying money in hand is no longer a requirement in the digital world. Due to high connectivity capabilities, we are able to work from home, collaborate with team and ensure high productivity in the long run. Indeed, remote working is a good choice for keeping work-life balance in our lives, and many employers have found this mode of working cost-effective. Also, there are multiple platforms available to keep us entertained through movies, songs, sports, and games.
Nevertheless, there are multiple disadvantages due to technological intervention in each and every activity we do. Leading a sedentary lifestyle, addiction to video games and social media, and lack of interpersonal communication are a few of the demerits of this boom. This also affects us mentally, making us distracted and inattentive. Having said that, it is an individual’s choice to take advantage of a given opportunity or to misuse it. Of course, these demerits can be avoided by strict and careful usage of technology.
In conclusion, it is obvious that, even though there are multiple cons, it is inarguable that the pros are bringing a lot more opportunities and convenience to human life. Engineers are working hard to make human life better, hence it is wise to take advantage of the situation rather than rejecting it.
– Intro requires some more clarity.
– In body paragraphs need to elaborate main idea or topic sentence.
-Too many ideas are there in given body paragraphs.
– Good use of cohesive devices like, Nevertheless etc.
Bands- 3.5/6
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In today’s world, we can see that infotech has been a game changer and has made life much more convenient and flexible. People can now easily connect with each other virtually through technology. It is very convenient to work from home on mobiles or laptops. For example, when COVID started and there was lockdown everywhere, it was very difficult to go to offices and schools, but due to such an advancement in the IT sector, we could all attend all classes and jobs while sitting at our homes. Information technology has also created a lot of job opportunities all over the world. As we all know, unemployment is increasing continuously, due to which economy is also declining, but as information technology is a growing sector, there are so many job vacancies and opportunities for lots of people.
On the other hand, there are also some disadvantages due to this sector, like the sedentary lifestyle of people. Our lifestyle has been changed due to the gadgets and technology around us. The dependence on IT has made us couch potatoes. Furthermore, due to sitting all day on a screen, many of us do not prefer to exercise or do physical activity, which is making us overweight and obese, leading to so many chronic conditions and illness.
In conclusion, I would like to state that the advantages clearly overshadow the disadvantages, as infotech has made our day-to-day lives more comfortable. It has made everything just a click away and is clearly saving our time. I believe that there should be more investments in the information technology department so that it flourishes more as it is a very important sector with respect to our future.
– Nice attempt.
– Introduction is very important. In the introduction clearly mention your opinion. Thesis and outline should be there.
-Grammatical errors are in bold.
-Use synonyms and not so common vocab.
Bands – 3.5/6
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Information technology facilitates the transfer of information, which can be in any format. The influence of information technology has grown to such an extent that penetration of these technologies has started impacting our homes , leisure and employment significantly. This essay would be a discussion on the pros and cons of information technology.(I & T in small letters)
The increased dependence on information technology utilities has affected human lifestyle. We have been over reliant on modern gadgets and the easiness that comes with them. The long term impacts have made us susceptible to lifestyle diseases such as obesity. There is also the influence of big tech companies who have targeted different strata of the population to push ads or monetize their free to use technology. There is also the issue of the rapid spread of misinformation, which at its worst may cause mob violence. Although we could find all these demerits, the rewards outweigh the risks.
Rapid growth in the IT sector has boosted the appeal of service sectors. From an industrial perspective, rapid development is taking place in key sectors such as automation, cloud and software services in general. This push has boosted productivity creating millions of jobs thus providing living means to a lot of people. These developments have also been reflected in sectors such as defense, communication, media, etc. Nowadays, the media is a lot more accessible, facilitating information and entertainment among the masses.
From all these observations, it could be summarised that the influence of information technology has a constructive impact on the course of humanity. We should be utilizing these to full extent however throwing a cautious eye to the problems associated with it is recommended.
– Nice attempt.
– Introduction is very important. Thesis and outline should be there.
-Grammatical errors are in bold.
-Use synonyms wherever possible so that repetition can be avoided.
Most Importantly, clear explanation of main ideas should be there. Too many ideas in a single BP is making it confusing.
Bands – 3.5/6
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Digital information has become so vital in everyone’s lives in recent years that it now exists everywhere. While there are a few substantial disadvantages, I believe the advantages are superior to disadvantages.
People may become addicted to a sedentary lifestyle as a result of information technology. Because everything is available through a digital screen. Another disadvantage is that people who use social media are more likely to suffer from mental health problems like depression and anxiety. It’s because social influencers publish everything about their lives on social media, and people compare it to their own lives and strive to emulate them. It may or may not be achievable, and as a result, people may get troubled by what they lack, which can lead to mental illness.
On the other hand, the advantages include that individuals will be able to gather a lot of knowledge if they utilise it precisely, and people from all over the world will be able to access any type of data that is valuable. Information digitization has benefited job creation and globalisation. People in rural locations, for example, can acquire a good education thanks to the availability of digital materials on the internet. Another example is that several government apps are available for anyone who detects danger nearby and can alert the nearest police station with a single click. As a result, it is able to assist and save numerous lives all across the world.
Finally, the advantages are more important than the disadvantages. Despite the fact that people may be affected by excessive use of social media and are fully reliant on digital information, they will get a great deal of knowledge if they use it correctly, which will aid in evolution and lifesaving. As a result, it is evident that the benefits outweigh the downsides, and that any problem can be managed with proper use of knowledge.
– Well structured and coherent.
-Clear and task achievement is also there.
-Good use of cohesive devices.
– Use synonyms for words written in italics.
Bands – 4.5/6
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Recently, research has been conducted on prisoners who were released from prison after serving their sentence. It states that criminals are most likely to be involved in criminal activity after being released. This essay discusses the reasons behind the crimes of these prisoners and what measures can be taken to overcome them.
The main problems are social stigma and a lack of proper rehabilitation. Social stigma is one of the major cause of the high recidivism rates. Once wrong doers are released from prison, they strive to get back into society. Society has started discriminating against them due to their past offences; furthermore, they are being disregarded as well. Offenders who are in distress are being forced to commit crimes again. While serving their sentence, prisoners lack the proper rehabilitation. Criminals are not being properly counselled to inculcate ethical behaviour and morality. Prison environment results in creating distress for the prisoners. Without proper counselling, their attempts to retaliate will increase progressively, and it will cause them to commit crimes again by confronting the enemy after being released.
In my opinion, the best solution is to provide financial support in the initial stages. In addition to that, they need proper training and right opportunities to thrive in society. Prisoners are getting impoverished and it persuades them to get involved in illicit activities. So, they need proper financial support at early stages to survive in society until they find their livelihood. In this fast growing contemporary world, prisoners cannot compete with society if they lack skills. The government should assist them in finding right opportunities by insisting employers consider them irrespective of their pass offence.
In conclusion, the main causes of high recidivism rates in prisoners are social stigma and lack of proper rehabilitation, which results in immorality. The most effective solution is to financially support them in the early stages and provide proper training to improve their virtues and skills.
– Grammatical errors like right form of verbs with subject and writing words in upper or lower case as per the sentence.
– Look for more synonyms.
Bands – 3.5/6
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In 2002, in Canada, there were 5400 Chinese students, but it rose to 7,850 with a spike of 45% in 2003. In the USA, students coming from China just rose 6% to 116600, which is quite less compared to Canada. The students from India were more in the USA, in both the years, mounting to 200,000 and 182,000 with a -9% surge, while in Canada, even with a 35% increase, the count was low (2100-2835).In 2002, in Canada, there were 5400 Chinese students, but it rose to 7,850 with a spike of 45% in 2003. In the USA, students coming from China just rose 6% to 116600, which is quite less compared to Canada. The students from India were more in the USA, in both the years, mounting to 200,000 and 182,000 with a -9% surge, while in Canada, even with a 35% increase, the count was low (2100-2835).
– Word count is going beyond 210. You can cut down on certain words.
– Nice attempt.
Bands- 2.5/3
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As per recent studies, it is observed that almost all lawbreakers tend to show violent traits and commit additional crimes upon being discharged from confinement. This essay will explain the causes and potential solutions to reduce it.
There are several reasons why offenders continue to commit crimes after being released. It is their lack of ability to socialize and evolve to survive in and from the hatred of the world. To be more specific, society refuses to look at the positive aspects or tries to understand whether they changed or not, instead criticising them, leading them to believe that they should remain the same person they were before. Another reason is due to the treatment they get in prison. For example, the brutal punishments and an environment filled with negative thoughts will not help them to change into a better person and will lead them to commit crimes.
To tackle such cases, it is important to analyze and create new approaches to mold their thought process. So, for this, the form of punishment should depend upon what type of criminal activity was committed by the offender. For example, the rehabilitation centers should work on their mental abilities to ensure they have changed and are emotionally stable to face the outside world. One more solution can be to provide them with financial means to cope with the fast-growing world as they would be all by themselves and this may help them to get back to their normal life.
In conclusion, to avoid or reduce the wrongdoing by lawbreakers, these solutions to recheck and provide them with an effective rehabilitation center will increase the chances of turning them into stable beings. It also depends on individuals’ attitudes whether to get influenced by others or to remain unchanged in committing crimes.
– Nice attempt.
-Use few more connectors.
-In Bp 1 ,Sentence in bold is same sentence but its fluent.
Bands -4/6
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Studies have shown that prisoners, who are released from prison are involved in illegal activities again(get involved in illegal activities again), and this essay will discuss the probable reasons and possible solutions to stop them from committing such criminal acts.
There are multiple causes for high recidivism rates among offenders, and bad treatment from fellow inmates, jailors, and other police staff is one of the main reasons for the same. Convicts are punished ruthlessly inside cells, and limited effort is put to inculcate moral values in their lives. Due to this, even if they are out of prison, they do not have any mental strength to hold themselves back from wrongdoings. Furthermore, ex-convicts are not always accepted by their families or society, and they struggle to find a livelihood for themselves. For instance, many employers deny jobs to people with past criminal records. Because of this social stigma, they fail to keep up their ethical behaviour and end up committing crimes again.
In my opinion, recidivism can be prevented by inducing ethical behaviours and rehabilitating and supporting past offenders to live a decent life. While they are serving their imprisonment, human rights should not be violated, this includes providing medical facilities, including psychological support and a better way of earning money to ensure financial stability once they are out of the cell. They can also be empowered to pursue their interests and to feel a sense of achievement in their lives. Moreover, authorities should be able to understand the motives of the offenders and address those issues rather than ill-treating the convicts.
In conclusion, high recidivism rates are highly problematic in society, and authorities, common people, employers, and doctors need to participate in rehabilitating ex-convicts.
Feedback:
– Overall, its coherent and you tried using specific vocabulary words.
– Word, Recidivism is coming thrice. Look for synonyms.
– Grammatical errors like verb forms and use of article- ‘the’ are there.
-In conclusion you need to summarize all the points briefly.
-With little more effort you can easily avoid these errors.
Keep practicing !
Bands- 3.5/6
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Studies conducted recently on ex-convicts released from prison indicate that the majority of prisoners, after serving their sentence, return to a life of crime. This essay is focused on addressing the reasons and solutions for the problem at hand.
Of all the reasons that could be thought of why this is occurring, I have narrowed it down to two major points: social stigma and improper rehabilitation. Once a person gets convicted and sent to prison, society tends to brand him or her as a social outcast. Once they complete their punishments, reintegration into society is proven to be very difficult. Employment opportunities are non-existent and finding an honest living becomes nearer quite impossible, such people find crime more rewarding and helpful for existence rather than going the tedious path to convince people of their atonement. Next reason is improper rehabilitation when they are detainees. They usually find correctional institutions have very harsh environment where they find a range of people, from small time crooks to hardened criminals. Surviving this harsh environment and going back to society without any rehabilitation programmes might be a reason for repeated offences even after jail time for many ex-prisoners.
Such people can be helped by a conscious effort by the governing bodies to start a fresh life after their life in prison. Rehabilitation programs should include psychological profiling to make sure they are fit to rejoin society, labor opportunities exclusively for prisoners that guarantee them at least a minimum wage to get their lives together, and general counselling for the released prisoners to keep their mental health in good condition. Dealing with social stigma is a very big challenge because changing human beliefs take time. Making the masses understand that everybody deserves a second chance and a new beginning could be achieved by creating media to advertise how imprisonment might affect an individual seems to be a solution. The medium could be online videos, movies, plays, or music. Changing the core beliefs of humans is a daunting task, but I feel this is a viable approach.
To conclude, it can be summarised that life after prison is not easy on multiple levels, and it is only fair if we could give hope to people who are genuinely repenting their past.
– Nicely done Shibin.
– Paragraphing should be right. Conclusion will come in a separate para.
– Don’t over exceed your word limit. There are certain sentences that can be removed. The total number of words is around 360.
-Pay attention to grammatical errors.
– Provide some general examples.
Bands – 3.5/6
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It has been discovered recently that most lawbreakers have a tendency to indulge in criminal activities again, once they are released from jail. This essay will elucidate the reasons and possible solutions to overcome it.
To commence with, those who have committed past offences are more likely to indulge in illegal matters, as they are well aware that no stringent action will be taken against them and the stay behind bars is also quite comfortable. First, there is no fear among offenders regarding imprisonment; it’s more like a home stay for them. Furthermore, here they meet with other wrongdoers, which enhances the growth of criminal minds in them and makes the situation worse. To exemplify, it has been found that many rowdy gangs are developed inside the jail only.
The feasible solutions to resolve this issue can be, first, proper tracking of each and every convict who has a criminal record. For doing that, their biometric data must be stored in police records. In addition to that, some tracking chip should be implanted in their body so that they can be traced easily anywhere. Second, life in prison must be painful, so that everyone should be afraid of incarceration, and it can be done easily by increasing the scale of punishments inside the bars.
To conclude, the issue of recommitting offences even after confinement can be reduced by keeping an eye on their activities and making prisons like hell, so the fear of getting into them stops culprits from breaking the law.
-Grammatical errors.
-Coherence and clarity is there.
-Revise your task so that you can avoid silly errors.
Bands – 4/6
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I am writing this letter regarding the school science trip because I am keenly interested in being a part of this activity as a volunteer.
My name is Ankur Chaudhary, and I work in a medical school; my son Aayush attends your school and is in the fifth grade. He wants me to participate in this event and says I should share my science knowledge with kids, just as I used to teach him science in a fun and easy way.
Secondary I personally want to be part of such an event to teach a different aspect of science and some interesting facts about important discoveries in science and their application in the modern world in a scientific and fun manner. I also want to understand the children’s curiosity and thoughts about science.
Furthermore, I love to spend some good time with children in this educational and fun activity, and I am looking forward to hearing from you for the same.
– Pay attention to grammatical errors.
Bands- 2/3
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I am writing to express my interest in applying for a volunteer position to accompany school science trips.I am Vigneshwar, the father of Gautam, a student in your school’s 7th grade.
I am interested in this position since I have the habit of dedicating my time to corporate social responsibility and contributing to society by spending quality time in orphanages and schools to provide for their basic needs. So, I would like to volunteer for this science trip to guide and motivate students to spark curiosity in science related experiments and activities.
I have experience in educating children about their morals and good habits. Because of my philanthropic nature, I volunteered in multiple school programs to provide basic classes for children to kindle their interest in mathematics and science. I am eloquent in taking classes for students.
I would deeply appreciate it if you could consider me for the volunteer position.
Feedback:
Corrections are in Bold. Your intro and reason for writing a letter can go in same paragraph.
Grammatical errors. Use Cohesive devices/connectors like..Moreover, however etc.
Bands: 1.5/3
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-I am writing this letter to express my interest in volunteering for a school science excursion. I am the father of Avinash, who is a student of class 6th in your esteemed school.
-On top of that, as I am teaching chemistry, I believe my presence will really help students to learn a lot of things from me on the trip.
-Furthermore, I really enjoy spending time with kids, and I am ready to meet new kids and add some value to their knowledge.
Feedback:
Connectors are used in all the right places. All the points are covered.
Few errors in prepositions and use of gerund.
Band Score- 2.5/3
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The tables show the percentage change of international students studying in Canada and the United States by country of origin between the years 2002 and 2003.
Overall, it is observed that there was a general increase in the number of international students. The data shows that the increase in the number of academics in the United States was moderate whereas the increment observed in Canada is quite sharp.
International student trends in Canada could be described as such.(there is no need for this line) The highest number of students who seek to study in Canada are from China. There is a sharp influx of students from China creating 45% increase that took the number of students from 5400 to 7850. Even though there is an increase in number of students from United States, it is not as pronounced as that of China. Increase shown by the number of students from United States is 6% which takes the number from 5000 to 5450. The lowest number of students is from India which was 2100 and the 35% increment took that number to 2835.
The trend shown in the United States shows that the overall student count in the States was almost 10 times more than what the count was in Canada, but the overall percentage increase is only 2%. The rise in the number of students went from 581600 to 592230. The greatest number of students is from India, but it is seen that there is a decrease in the number of students. The Indian student count dropped from 200,000 to 182,000 marking a 9% decrease. Canadian and Chinese students have gone on to increase 6% and 7%, respectively. These put their final numbers from 110,000 and 31,000 to 116,600 and 33,170.
Feedback:
– We use article ‘The’ with US.
– Some lines are unnecessary.
-This graph is taking about past data so past tense can be used here.
-Few Grammatical errors.
Band Score – 1.5/3
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Feedback:
– Paragraphing is fine.
– When using name of countries, only first letter will be in capital. Article’THE’ will come with US. For example, The US….
-BP 1 :In 2002, more than 5000 students from China and USA enrolled in CANADA colleges whereas only a few thousand from India. 45%, 9%, and 35% increases in subsequent years from countries such as China, the United States, and India, respectively.
Band Score: 1.5/3
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