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Model Answer: Band – 9
Global athletic events such as the Olympics, the World Cup, the Extreme Games, and even the American Super Bowl are incredible opportunities for countries. These iconic spectacles can provide a country with an economic avalanche of benefits or expose it to a public relations disaster. This essay will look at both points, using Russia and the United Kingdom as examples.
Firstly, it is important to bear in mind that simply hosting the event and having the world’s media attention cannot guarantee a positive promotion. This is because although the country is receiving enormous amounts of publicity, the media will often report controversial news as well as.
Take the Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia, for example. The media spotlight is shining bright on the athletes but also highlighting the polemic legislation regarding homosexuality. Therefore, despite the international recognition to be gained, the country can also face a possible backlash.
Secondly, the expense of building large infrastructures necessary to hold these events can dwarf the benefits, unless they are fully amortized afterwards. This is largely due to the fact that stadiums, Olympic parks, ski runs etc. are expensive to construct and undertake large capital expenditure, often by the public sector.
In the Commonwealth Games in Manchester in 2002, the council commissioned a stadium for athletic events which was later adapted and sold to the local preeminent football club, Manchester City. Therefore with proper, fair, economic management of such buildings and facilities the cost can be recuperated.
To conclude, a host city or nation has a lot to gain from these events but only if they are economically administered correctly and the country has no controversial issues for the media to pull out of the closet.
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Feedback: Content is acceptable but need to work on sentence formation, cohesive devices, grammatical errors, & related words.
Band: 2.5/6
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feedback: very well executed with good content, need to work a bit on sentence formation, related words with help of cohesive devices, rest are fine.
Band: 3.5/6
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feedback: well tried the execution is good with good use of content just need to generalise the ideas in order to create an impact through content, work on grammatical errors, with relevant examples.
Band: 3.5
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Feedback: Approach is good, need to work on more generalise ideas to create an impact through content & related examples, try to avoid repetition as “pet” is used multiple times.
Band: 3/6
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Feedback: Approach is good but didn’t work well due to limited content, need to work on general ideas instead personal experience as found in the given example which is not appropriate.
Band: 2/6
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Feedback: Effort is good but an essay needs to be written on the basis of it’s parameters wherein found less use of content along with related words. Need to work on execution as and discussion part more rather personal opinion as found personalised essay instead generalised.
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Feedback: Well written answer wherein everything is covered starting from approach till relevant examples, good use of vocabularies with grammatical rage, need to work on outline sentence & a bit in introduction.
Band: 4.5/6
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Feedback: Very good formation used in sentence in order to make long sentences with good use of related words, overall approach is quit acceptable, need to work on unnecessary grammatical errors & few more cohesive devices along with relevant examples as found none.
Band: 3/6
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Feedback: Content is good but need to work on sentence formation as few sentence are connected with each other making no sense out of it, few more complex sentence with relevant examples.
Band: 2.5
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Feedback: Well tried, approach is overall expectable, but execution got failed. Less use of sentence types as found limited structures used, need to work on sentence formation with help of few more cohesive devices, grammatical errors, & impactful related words.
Band: 2/6
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Feedback: Good use of content and words, approach is good with proper information related to topic. Need to work on grammatical errors as found multiple times & few more cohesive devises.
Band: 3.5/6
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Feedback: Introduction should be precise enough to have every information related to the topic where found less content, need to work on few relevant examples as found none and grammar part as found many errors.
Band: 2.5/6
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Feedback: Introduction needs to be improved, Few more sentence types need to be there with help of Cohesive devices along with related words. No example found.
Band: 3/6
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Feedback: Good use of content with useful words along with relevant examples, need to work on cohesive devices and formation.
Band: 3.5/6
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Feedback: Good use of content, approach is good, need to work on cohesive devices keeping word limit in my as it’s less than 250.
Band: 3/6
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Feedback: Content is acceptable, good approach, need to work on related words and few more complex sentences.
Band: 3.5/6 -
Feedback: Very well executed & approach is also quite appreciated, need to work on a bit more cohesive devices & related word. No more that 280 words.
Band: 3.5/6 -
Feedback: Very well attempt as approach is good, but need to work on thought process as 185 words were found only as it should be 250+, need to work on formation & grammar.
Band: 1/6 -
Feedback: Content should have informative in order to use cohesive devices as normal way was used to write, sentence formation should be more effective, there was no example found neither impactful words though. However, the effort was quite good.
Band: 1.5/6 -
Feedback: Introduction needs to be improved as it should not include everything but an overview, need to work on sentence formation & related words as found rare with the help of more cohesive devises to create relation in sentences. Try to avoid unnecessary spelling & grammatical errors.
Band: 1.5/6 -
Feedback: well try to approach but execution went wrong as the introduction should be more precise due to incorrect sentence formation, need to work on related words & sentence types as cohesive devises were not used properly & also work on word limit as it more than 350 words.
Band: 1.5/6 -
Feedback: Good approach, need to work on word limit as it’s as than 250 & also cover everything comes under task 2 as no example was found, less use of sentence types.
Band: 2/6 -
Feedback: Much better than earlier in terms of Grammar but need to work on formation and Grammar a lot, no example was found & words are also 300+ as it should be up to 280.
Band: 2/6 -
Feedback: It was well attempt, approach was good, need to work on few more connecters and sentence formation & try to avoid unnecessary spelling errors & also work on word limit as it should be up to 180.
Band: 1.5/3 -
Feedback: Need to work on sentence formation & Grammar a lot as highlighted in attached image. Kindly go through & work on them.
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Feedback: Need to work on 3 bullet points, also approach as per letter requirement. words are also less than 150.
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Feedback: Need to work on cohesive devises & approach as per question’s requirement. Avoid being repetitive as few sentences were found in the same structure (use of would), Less use of range neither found any example. (everyone would benefit, enhancing
equality and creating happier people.)
Band: 2.5/6 -
Feedback: Need to work on sentence formation, Grammatical errors as found, Words are also less than 250.
Band: 2/6 -
Feedback: Approach & Content are acceptable, well paragraphed, Need to work on Grammatical accuracy/ Errors: “advantages definitely outweighs”, “voice and video calling apps is”, “one of my close friend”, “but also help”, “have a office meetings”.
Band: 3/6
