Faculty Falak
FacultyForum Replies Created
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It can be argued that children perform better at school ,when they are rewarded. (incomplete paraphrasing)
Conclusion and introduction should be in a sync ( unfortunately , this essay is not following this idea)
It would be advisable to write concrete topic sentences ( topic sentence of B.P 1 , could be more effective)
Make use of cohesive devices
segregate different ideas into distinct paragraphs.
Band: 3/6
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students who were (are) appreciated
it motivated (motivates) them
moreover, teachers have the responsibility to explore the hidden talent of pupils ( found irrelevant or not have presently clearly in the context of topic sentence.
The fear of getting punished would force them to be depressed and shy ( I believe the context is not accurate as per the argument)
he feel (feels) more stressed.
Not convinced with the conclusion (incomplete usage of “though”)
Feedback : Use tense carefully . Subject-verb agreement is another factor that requires precision. Use essay structure as discussed in class.
Band: 3/6
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Body paragraph seems to be distorted and example is not in adherence with content of the passage
. The information gets updated in such medias (media) within a span of few seconds
However, this is not possible with news papers. (newspaper is a one word)
Conclusion could be more specific
Band : 3/6
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Furthermore, not every kid would be talented on the same (academic) subject
who are (were) at age of 10
conclusion could be more effective , as it is projecting your opinion only . Keep question statement in mind and frame conclusion accordingly . (tip: Introduction and conclusion need to be in sync)
Band : 4.5/6
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I request you (to) please make an arrangement
In suggestions, make use of modal verbs
Keep writing!!
band: 2.5/3
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also need to fix a couple of bedroom windows. ( this too needs to be presented as affected by snowstorm)
semi-formal letter should have
salutation – Dear Mr./Ms….
closing – Yours sincerely
keep writing!!
Band :2.5/3
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Then chart shows decreasing ( trend)in 2010 until 2014,
mention units of measurement in introduction, grouping of data could be more effective
Band: 2/3
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from 1995 to 2011 (in 1995 and 2011)
the chart(S) show that second large expense(s) were on clothing,
, money spent by people on medicine jumped from 4% in 1995 to a minority (minor increment) in 2011
Word limit needs to be maintained (minimum 150words)
Band: 2/3
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between people among the society ( among people in the society)
social media is decline ( has declined)
utilize social media ( utilization of social media)
Use word forms (verbs, noun, adjectives ) carefully.
Lexical resources can be improved.
Band: 3/6
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Dear Sir/Madam, (Dear Mr./Ms…..)
downpour that is (has been) happening since last Friday.
I hope the issues are (will be) addressed quickly to avoid further damage.
Yours Faithfully,(sincerely)
Band: 2.5/3
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Dear smith, (Smith,)
I am john (John)
honslow (Honslow)
When i (I) reached in the loft i (I)saw that
switch (ed) off the heating system power supply.
if it rains again(, it will spoil it totally) that it can spoil it totally
In addition to that (,) another window in the loft is also unable
Proper nouns always start with capital letter
Band: 2/3
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easily recognizing (recognize)
As a result(,)
such as promote (promoting) the brand
Feedback : Great improvement , make use of punctuation marks .Keep writing!!
Band: 4/6
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initially apples can be found in the most northern part of the country but now they can be found in the northern (other ) parts as well, as they do not require any specific temperature or location to grew (grow) in.
food producers can also charges (charge)
it (is) found that usages of pesticides (has) reduced by 10 % as compared to the last ten years.
Because of less pesticides (and high nutritional value), these crops may (improve the public health )lead to less health risks for people eating them
Band: 4/6
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I am not convinced with paraphrasing , it could be more effective
Example in body paragraph 1, needs to be more relevant and well-represented
Some research shows that students can focus more in academic classes if they are happy and relaxed (which can be attained by introducing art subjects in their regular curriculum)
syllabus are( is) required
necessary (mandatory) art classes provide a
to choose their subjects. (as per their level of interest)
Band: 3.5/6
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as it motivates (them) to children.
“I” always should be capitalized
(being) rewarded is a greater (more helpful) than (getting) punished (
it can leads a child (to lose confidence ) to lack of confidence.
student who have (got) punished in school
In smaller age (younger age)
which cause (make) them
Furthermore, adults can also encourage students how they can impress teacher – not very convinced with explanation and found it irrelevant
need to work on conclusion as well , try to sum up things that have been discussed in paragraphs
Sentence structure, word forms , lexical resources , cohesion all things require attention .
Band : 2/6
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The topic sentences could be more effective and coherent.
Keep writing!!
Band : 3.5/6
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Sentence structure needs to be varied
Use of transitional words will add more clarity and precision
peruse (pursue) higher education
student’s(students’) education,
Keep writing!!
Band: 3.5/6
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Feedback : Verbosity has been observed, repetitive usage of words and sentence structure is also the concern.
Lexical resources need to be improved, cohesion is another area which requires attention as discussed in class.
I would suggest to make required changes as discussed.
Band : 3/6
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Try to be in word limit of 150-170 words as you will have only 20 minutes to manage this task .
well-written , Keep writing!!
Band: 2.5/3
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They argue that this will not prepare (them for their future) for them their future
Conclusion could be more effective as it is not mention your own opinion (as asked in question) .
Great improvement , try to use more cohesive devices other than that no complaints. Keep writing!!
Band : 3.5/6
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Proof-read the piece of writing to avoid verbosity.
Goodluck !!
Band: 2.5/3
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. I would have expected (appreciated)/( I would not have been disappointed if the packaging had done effectively) that the package to be wrapped more effectively to
I have already raised a complaint (refund request)
Make use of punctuation marks.
Keep writing!!
Band: 2/3
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its (it’s) unwanted (futile) use of time
art subjects don’t have future (future career prospects)
One can’t survey (survive)
Inclusive of (Including arts in school curriculum) arts sometimes made the children (pressurized and burdened) to be in a pressurize their schedule
subjects for (to) acquire
frequently (evidently) students’ performance may gets impacted
In B.P 1; explanation of topic sentence is missing
In B.P 2 : Topic sentence is missing
work on sentence structure . Keep practicing!!
Band : 2.5/6
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towards there (their) duties.
people park there (their) cars
I would appreciate explanation with more supporting details
However , on the other hand (either of the two will go as both project same meaning)
moreover an (a) high amount of fine should
No examples found
Ever word after full stop needs to start with capital letter.
Make use of punctuation marks.
Follow essay structure as discussed in class.
Band : 2.5/6
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Feedback : Work on sentence structure, include variety of sentences. Follow essay structure as discussed in class (B.P : Topic sentence, explanation , example) . Focus should not be presenting more points rather effective presentation of one or two points. Use cohesive devices to develop smooth transition among sentences.
Band: 2/6
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there were increase in numbers of all the three sea mammals over the period of 12 years even though (however,) the numbers of seals and whales only had a slight improvement.
Secondly, no marked variation in numbers of whale seen since, initially they were only half the number of seals in 2006 (20 numbers),- not clear; Try not to loose the essence of sentence in order to add complexity
Band : 2/3
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Feedback : Cohesion and Coherence is missing . Opening statement could be better so the ending , information you have given in the letter seems incomplete.
Band : 1/3
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In B.P 1, second reason somehow merged into first reason or overlapping of language/ ideas has been observed
hours to finish curriculum in (on) time
No example found in B.P 2
Conclusion could be more effective keeping essay type in consideration (both views and own opinion)
Feedback : Take care of the points mentioned above and keep practicing!!
Band : 4/6
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The line graph demonstrate(s)
Always mention units (metric tonnes) in introduction
more than 70 million tonnes of goods are (were)
40 million tonnes was (were) transported
Be careful with word limit
Feedback : Great improvement . Try to focus on subject-verb agreement .
band : 2/3
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Thereafter, those (these) need to be dampened with steam.
. Last step is packing, when (where) the newly manufactured pellets
Keep writing!!
Band : 2.5/3
