Faculty Falak
FacultyForum Replies Created
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Social media platform(s) have
have witnessed tremonous (tremendous)
in person communication over( over is redundant here) within communities
i (I) concede
I suppose the changes have been beneficial (However, I believe that the benefits this shift brings may overshadow the drawbacks).
B.P 1 : Topic sentence needs to be more precise an so the explanation.
Band : 2.5/6
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but was still higher than the other two mammals (in the same period). Therefore, (moreover)
Dolphins needs to be discussed in featuring paragraphs as it is the highlighting point in overall ( as you mentioned).
Comparing and grouping of data needs to be effective.
Band : 1.5/6
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Feedback : Well written ,content is good with good use of related words. However, example in body paragraph one could be more elaborated and coherent. Keep practicing
Band : 4/6
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Out of which,(However) population of dolphins showed an increasing trend throughout the years
seals population started with good amount of hike (population of Seals was higher in 2006) at nearly 42
, it fallen (fell) in the following year 2010, to almost 23 which somehow (was) similar in( to) numbers of whales (in the same year)
Dolphin(s) have shown the highest scope of improvement (a soaring phase throughout the time period)
Feedback : grouping and comparison of data is good , pay attention to the corrections suggested.
Band : 2/3
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Feedback : Stick to one idea per paragraph, develop answer accordingly . Repetition of idea with repetitive words would not be recommended. Use cohesive devices . Conclusion is must in writing Task-2 . No examples found.
Band : 2/6
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Introduction : has become one of the biggest problem ( the major concerns)
intake of GM crops (intake is redundant)
Conclusion : GM crops is (are)
Feedback : Be careful with “subject- verb” agreement. The argument is well-developed, supported well with examples. Keep writing !
Band : 3.5/6
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Feedback : Overall could be more meticulous ; it is not clarifying the picture, hence purpose is not served.
Band : 1.5/3
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in the forthcoming paragraph(s)
extra-academic subjects is (are)
and reach to saturation level ( become unreceptive to new learnings)
foster ( incorrect usage) ; foster means to encourage
they can foster ( grasp)
from studying majors/specializations (choose either )
To elaborate, (this means that (redundant))
salary packages and abroad opportunities, since the success rate is comparatively low in creative skills
Feedback : be careful with ” subject-verb” agreement
Band : 3.5/6
keep writing!
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Africa is the only region with continuous improvement (increase in contribution) of 9% in 1950 to 13% in 2000 and would go up till 20% in 2050.
However, Europe and NA ( North America) both are in declining state
LA (Latin America) and Oceania got hiked initially from 1950 to 2000 by 3 percent and almost 1 percent but remained steady at 9% and 1% in 2050 (respectively)
Band : 2/3
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changes in architecture of University’s sports Centre happened during pre-construction (in present ) and post- construction( renovation/ refurbishment) in future.
looks (seems) like future plans of re-constructing of sports centre is (are) quite innovative
The noticeable modifications in both the (proposed) plans are
spacious leisure pool and sport hall ( in the west and in the east directions respectively
I could see many new implementations surrounded (Many new implementations could be observed)
will also be two more changing rooms in (each) corner side of the reception,
which is in south along with one each shops (one shop and cafe)
Band : 1.5/3
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Introduction needs to be more clear.
B.P 1 : even demands luxuries/ luxurious cars
and to achieve them swiftly (delinquently)
which might lead family bare (bear) the consequences
B.P 2 : example could be more relevant and needs to be adherence with topic sentence
Band : 3/6
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I saw my hair turn (turned) red
I don’t (didn’t) even know when I fall (fell) asleep.
I was dejected, and don’t (didn’t/ was clueless ) know what to do
I saw everybody was having red hair,(in/ some connection is required here) park near to my house.
then I turn (turned) my head,
even all buildings are (were) in red colour.
the whole city turns (turned) red
Feedback : make accurate use of tenses.
Keep writing!
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The two pie charts illustrates (illustrate)
Overall needs to be a separate paragraph
There is no requirement of writing conclusion in writing task-1
While, a marginal fall was observed in food and clothing. (food didn’t fall with marginal difference rather fell dramatically)
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In 1990, bicycle was able to cover almost 3 km of distance despite being a first mode of transport.(how bicycle is established as first mode of transportation from the graph)
However, bus and rail were the best and cheap choice (it is not mentioned anywhere in the bar graph that bus and rail are cheap choices ) for each person for travelling as both covered majority of kilometres (i.e. 40% and almost 37% respectively).
Similarly, bus and rail( managed to be) the most preferable choices for every individual to commute which covered the highest numbers of kilometres as around 41% and 38% (respectively)
Feedback : Interpretation of the contrasts ,comparison and pattern could be better
Band : 1.5/3
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Body paragraph 1 : easily (easy) accessibility ; between (among) people
Body paragraph 2 : People prefer to call or text instead of face-to-face meeting, resulting in weakening of verbal skills. They feel diffident in interacting with others in person
Feedback : Try to opt for synonyms approach , to make writing more effective.
Band :3.5/6
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introduction : from 1995 to 2011 (in 1995 and 2011)
while others like clothing, medicine and household goods were (medicine) was the least in household expense./ while others like clothing, medicine and household goods had measurable changes in both the years
which got raised by 5% (7%)of difference in 2011
With regards in decreasing order, (Clothing) had a higher proportion in 1995 (19%) which went down with a minimal difference in 2011 (18%)
Feedback : analyse the data carefully . Use variety of structure
Band : 1.5/3
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Introduction : Although (some) believe it has a disadvantage (major drawbacks.)
B.P 1 : While interacting and Share (sharing ) the resources
dealing with others (natives ) of different countries.
B.P 2 : since it (local language) differentiates
will result tourism industry in danger ( hence, jeopardize tourism industry).
Band : 3.5/6
Keep writing!
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Body Paragraph 1 : To elaborate (more), more is redundant here.
Climate can be drastically impacted if there will be a flood (Agricultural sector can be impacted adversely with intensive climatic changes)
poor harvesting makes farmers (peasantry) more ( comparative form of poor is poorer ; not more poorer) poorer (helpless) and less demand in products (great loss in crop yields)
In short (apparently) , such things is (are) not under control
Body paragraph 2 : Not convinced with content related to MNC
Conclusion : Try to state the argument completely , followed by your opinion
Feedback : Need to work on sentence structure.
band : 3/6
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Introduction : The bar chart illustrates (the information in percentage wise about) redundant; how often people ate food at fast food restaurants in America from 2003 to 2013.
Overall : (Most of the) people preferred to go in restaurants usually once a week (and once) or twice a month
the were less people as well ( the percentage of people) who went to restaurant every day or never visited (was quite low).
B.P1 : but the trend increased by around 13% (17%)
outside to ate (eat) fast food
who didn’t go ate ( eat) in restaurants, never. ( who never visited restaurants)
B.P :2 Lastly, the percentage in 2013 ( around 18% (33%) is more than in 2006 ( 25%) in comparison ( category )of people who visited once a week or twice a month.
Band : 1.5/3
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Introduction : The bar chart illustrates (the information in percentage wise about) redundant; how often people ate food at fast food restaurants in America from 2003 to 2013.
Overall : (Most of the) people preferred to go in restaurants usually once a week (and once) or twice a month
the were less people as well ( the percentage of people) who went to restaurant every day or never visited (was quite low).
B.P1 : but the trend increased by around 13% (17%)
outside to ate (eat) fast food
who didn’t go ate ( eat) in restaurants, never. ( who never visited restaurants)
B.P :2 Lastly, the percentage in 2013 ( around 18% (33%) is more than in 2006 ( 25%) in comparison ( category )of people who visited once a week or twice a month.
Band : 1.5/3
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Feedback : The essay is off the track , question is not asking which schools provide better facilities rather right time to learn a foreign language.
work on structure of essay, state your stand in the introduction as question demands “do advantages outweigh disadvantages”
Grammar accuracy , use of synonyms , sentence structures need to be practiced.
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Feedback : Well executed, right approach , good examples. However, proofreading is advised to avoid minor mistakes.
Band score : 5/6
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who believe criminalist (criminal) behaviour can be changed implementing different ways to combat it.
punishments does (do) not treat the issue
childhood trauma is one of the major cause (causes)
Feedback : Avoid making grammatical errors especially work subject-verb agreement. Usage of cohesive devices could have embellished the essay even better.
Band : 3.5/6
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Feedback : Introduction could be better.
On the one hand, providing the sentence for the longer (more/ longer period) number of years is the probable best way for criminal, so that he/she will has(have) some time to think about what he/she had done wrong in his/her life. It is possible that he/she will change his/her life approach, after spending years in one closed place. Personally, i (I)have seen lots of people becoming good civilian after their sentence. But, there can be more than one solution of any problem.
Consultants can help them to guide (them) to make their life goals clear.
Need to apply grammatical range and accuracy.
Work on Lexical resources
No example found.
Band : 2.5/6
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Advertisements can help us gain knowledge of number of new things that we would require in our day to day life but can also lead us to buy products that would have no significant value. According to my opinion (In my opinion) , both these viewpoints are correct at some level and we would be discussing these in the paragraphs given below.
Undoubtedly , advertisements have become a vital aspect of our life as there are many new products in market which we come to know after seeing a banner or promotion of that thing on TV. For example , when I was buying a new straightener ,I was unaware that a new category known as brush straightener would press hair within a time span of 5 minutes. (,) Hence (hence) would save our time and energy to a great extend. I came to know about this new straightener while I was scrolling my social media account.
On the other hand (,)there are various examples of how these advertisements can be disruptive as they would lure costumer to buy products that are fake (unnecessary/nonessential). There are numerous companies in market available that would project their products are genuine. One of my friend (friends)was attracted towards a sunscreen lotion , claimed by the company as a star product but that cream resulted my friend with various skin allergies.
To summarise , I would like to say that I agree with both statements that advertisements can help consumers to be aware about many new products but can also result in breaking trust of consumers as they would buy things that are not upto their expectation.
Feedback : Answer could be more focused on the argument (advertisement leads to buy unnecessary products) rather than products are fake or not genuine. Need to work more on Lexical resources
Band: 2/6
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Feedback : Be careful with ” Subject- verb agreement”. Concessions statements could be better and more relevant. Stick to formal words. Need to work on lexical resources. Approach is good.
Band : 3/6
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Feedback :
Introduction : In thesis statement show your stand on the argument . Outline statement should be aligned to the question.
B.P 1 : Try to explain your topic sentence , don’t just paraphrase it.
B.P 2 : Example could be more relevant to the idea mentioned in the respective paragraph.
Try to use more sophisticated words.
Band: 2.5/6
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Feedback: Avoid connecting all the sentences with “as”, use other transitional words. Use words forms meticulously “dramatic changes”, Body paragraph 1, last line , “moreover” is not required. Don’t use transition words unnecessarily . Pay attention on “it’s Vs its” . “At early age” is the correct usage. Sometimes it feels like there is no logical connection among different sentences, especially in body paragraph 2.
Band Score : 3/6
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Feedback : Use of preposition ( it should be beneficial for children’s health, as “beneficial to” is used for whom). Make use of punctuation for longer sentences. Stick to “subject-verb agreement”. Variety of sentence structures has been observed.
Band : 3/6
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Feedback: Execution is good.Make use of punctuation marks (to begin with, however,). No shortforms(Use for instance , for example rather than for eg.). Be cautious with use of “there and their”.Synonyms for toxic : injurious, destructive, noxious, pernicious etc.). Try to make use of wide range of transition words( despite, though, regardless, inspite of- as contrasting connectors , don’t stick to “However” only).
Band: 3/6
